New here, need advice

[M_A_A_B]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 9 months. It’s a distance thing, he lives about an hours drive away from me. A couple of months ago we had a bit of a break cos he needed to ‘think’ and he wasn’t sure we should stay together…we worked it out though and everything was ok but now I am a bit insecure because I’m not sure he sees us having a future together. Eventually, I want to live with him and have a family but I’m not sure he wants that – not with me anyway He actually said he doesn’t think we could live together.

He’s got a lot of family issues going on right now (which he wont talk to me about) and he started a new job on Friday. I know he’s very stressed with home life at the moment and I have been trying my best to give him the space he needs…although I do think it’s important to have at least a small chat every day.

He doesn’t seem to put a lot of effort into our relationship and I’m finding it frustrating. He never got me a birthday, Christmas or Valentine’s card…he rarely texts or calls me. He says he loves me but doesn’t really show it and I feel like it’s me holding everything together and he doesn’t care either way.

I love him and I want to sort this out but I don’t know what to do…I dont think I’m needy or demanding at all but I would like to just feel a bit like I’m wanted, y’know. Should I try and talk to him about it? Leave it until the family issues calm down? I’d rather we didn’t break up but if he doesn’t see us as having a future then I dont see any point in carrying on (as much as it would hurt). Is it too earlier to be thinking of the future anyway? I’m not looking to move in with him this instant but if it’s off the cards completely then is there any point going on?

Right now I feel so sad about it all…which isn’t good (I’m bipolar and am in a bit of a low phase anyway) but I dont want to do anything hasty. I’d ideally like to talk to him in person but I have no idea when he’ll be here next due to his new job so this might have to be an over the phone chat if I decide to do it. I dont want to be insensitive about his family issues either but at the same time I feel i need to look out for myself a bit cos it’s leaving me very down. Should I wait until I can talk to him in person?

I have no one else to really talk to about any of this kind of stuff so some opinions and advice would be most welcome…please dont be nasty about him though, even if he hasn’t been very thoughtful I do still love the guy.

Thanks for reading, sorry this is so long

[bearz]

Actions speak louder than words, and you really haven't seen much action from him when it comes to making your relationship work. It seems like he isn't any effort into it whatsoever. He should be talking to you about this family issues and the fact that he doesn't even have the decency to give you a card or a little something for your birthday, Christmas, or Valentine's Day speaks for itself. I have a feeling that you are hoping for something that just isn't there.

[M_A_A_B]

Thanks for the reply...yes, I fear you are right. I'm going to talk to him about it tonight and see what he has to say about it...I think it's probably going to end though and I'm so sad about it.