Should I tell her how I feel?

[boabmac]

Hay,
Here goes. My fiancé and I broke up after 8 years together. It was amicable, she said to me one night that we should have a break and I agreed as we were going through a rough patch and both felt it wasn't working. We were constantly arguing over silly things and just not getting along very well. We stopped doing thing together and things were getting boring. We could both see it and would say that things have to change but neither one of us would do anything about it.
We had a break for a couple of weeks and decided to try again but we both felt awkward with each other not knowing if we should be cuddling or giving each other space or how to handle things. After a couple of weeks I spoke to her and said that I didn't feel it was working and I didn't know what to do and she agreed. I went onto the computer and started looking for a flat and she came through and asked what I was doing. I told her and she said "do you not even want to talk about this?"
I asked what there was to talk about and she said "nothing I suppose" so we broke up. That night she said there was no need to sleep in the spare room as it is both our bed and didn't want a fight about who was sleeping were so we should both sleep in our bed. We did this for a couple of nights but even though we were both trying to keep things as easy as possible we would have our moments. I told her that I didn't want to break up but she said it was what she wanted and when I would try and talk to her we would just end up fighting. I left to go and stay at my mums until I could get into my new flat and we never contacted each other for about 4 days until I went to see her to organise who was getting what and money and things like that.
The day I moved out I spoke to her and told her some things I felt had went wrong and I wish it hadn't come to this and whilst I was talking she was crying and said she agreed with some of what I had said. I left it at that and said "well this is it, I'll see u sometime" and gave her a cuddle and a kiss on the cheek, she never cuddled me back...
We have been apart for a month now and I miss her so much. I knew I loved her but I didn't realise how much, god it hurts... I saw her a couple of days ago to return some things and when I went in her house she made me a coffee and we sat and had a chat about life in general, nothing to do with the break up. She asked how I was coping living myself and if I'd unpacked yet but that was about as much about the split we spoke of. I was there for about 40 minutes and before conversation dried up I made my excuses and left. I thought my heart was going to explode when I got in the car.
My question is.. I am desperate to tell her how I really feel, is this a good idea???
We have been apart for a month with no contact between each other until the other night. During this month I have had a good hard look at what went wrong in our relationship and I can quite clearly see what happened and when it happened and I would love to sit down with her and discuss these issues (far too much and too complicated to explain here). What do you think my chances are or do you think I should just leave her alone and get on with life?
PS. This is the very quick version of events but all the main points I can think of are there.
Thanks to all in advance

[gibcia44]

Hello boabmac,

First off I feel like you guys need more time apart, I know it hurts and I know it is not easy but you need to understand that time is all you need. Every time you think of her, think of her in a positive way, think of all the solutions to the problems you guys had before. Another important thing is to remember that every time you guys are apart there is one less fight. You know better than anyone else, 8 years is a lot of time, you learned everything about her. Few questions for you, do you see yourself with her in the future? Do you want her to be a mother of your children? If the answer is yes wait give it time, give her time and then talk about it. Don't rush things as they don't progress if you guys keep on fighting.
Best of luck

[michelle23]

Do you want to marry her? Spend your life with her? Have kids with her? If yes, then you need to tell her how you feel. Do not let the fear of rejection hold you back. You spent 8 years with her and you cant just let her go without a fight. Its worth a shot-you may regret it forever if you don't at least try to get her back.

[boabmac]

I love this girl with all my heart. We were supposed to be getting married this year. I know I have blown it with her. She always was the one that showed the love and I never made a real effort now I would move mountains to get her back.
How do I get her to talk to me?

[michelle23]

You could write her a letter or ask her to meet you for coffee. People give up too easy sometimes. Shes prob just as upset as you are

[rob1984]

dude, this was a mutual break up.. then you realized your issues and feel you can make this work.. for all you know she feels the same about you. I would go for it personally.. the worst she will say is no, but you gave it a shot. One part of being a man is setting your ego aside and saying who's boss. Go get your woman.

[boabmac]

I met up with her a few days ago and she kept staring into my eyes, she wouldn't take her eyes off me, thats the only thing I am clinging on to. I will go for it tomorrow.
Any advice on how to approach her?

[rob1984]

write it down on a letter, and give it to her and let her read it in front of you. Set out a plan for both of you and make it exciting something she will look forward too for her to be with you again. So she will not think you 2 will fall back in the same rut. Good Luck man.

[michelle23]

Put all your cards on the table. Dont hold back. Let us know how it goes.