In A Right Old Pickle!!

[LoveSickMuppet]

Where on earth do I start. My head really is all over the place at the moment, so I will start from the beginning!

I'm a head chef and I work in Central London, I work fairly long hours so the people I work with I spend a hell of a lot of time with. 6 weeks ago this new girl started as she transfered from another restaurant that had closed down. She runs into my kitchen screaming because she knew one of my staff who had also transferred over from the same restaurant. After the loud womanly hello's she turned to me and introduced herself as B, I asked if that was really her name (As in my head I was dying to ask her if the "B" was for Beautiful but couldn't bring myself to do it) and she said it was shortened because she is Norwegian and her real name was too long to explain to people, all this whilst she's smiling and making some good eye contact. I'm not joking when I say this but when she walked in to my kitchen I instantly thought "WOW!!! Who is this woman, she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!!". Now 6 weeks on I have had an amazing time working with this girl! Loads of flirting, sexy smiling, banter and jokes from her "like when am I going to take her on a date or when are we getting married" gain I repeat this was said in a kind of joking way, it was so much fun working with and being around her that I even started checking the work rota to see when she was working next, I had a really rubbish last couple of weeks at work but she really made it all better by just being there.

So the now and here is, I've been transferred to another restaurant along with an assistant manager, so we had a joint leaving party after work last Saturday, drink's where flowing and naturally we all got a bit drunk. We all ended up going to a nightclub after work, where me and her were outside with another female work colleague (who is one of her best friends) deciding whether or not to go into the club as it was a bit of a dump. Whilst outside she was trying to hold my hand and as much as I wanted to I couldn't and would't let her (for reasons which I'll get into a bit later) so I was discreet about not doing it. We ended up in the club after all the deliberation in the end, where again she tried holding my hand and don't get me wrong I wan't ignoring her by a long stretch but I was also messing around and chatting with the same female colleague that was stood outside with us. She got a bit pissed off with this I think and ignored me for a bit and even started necking on with another guy, which bothered me a little but hey we aren't an item so nothing I can do about it! Anyway chucking out time at the club, so I walked her and her friend to the bus stop to make sure they got there safely, she tried holding my hand again but discreetly got out of it. Got to the bus stop and had to wait a while for a bus but whilst doing so she hugged me really close and tight (a proper bf/gf hug or a cwtch as we say in Wales) for about 5 minutes and said that she was "really going to miss me and that she was "guttted I was leaving" and then her bus turned up which she had to get on as it was 5:20am. Fine all done, popped in on Tuesday as I had some things to pick up and she wasn't her usual self with me don't why, she just wasn't.

A little off track here but this is what SHE wrote in my leaving card from all the staff.

"To My Man"
Good luck In Your New Job!!
Can't wait til we get married
Lova Ya loads, B x x x

Am I looking into this too much??

So the other part of the here and now is, I am always thinking about her and I mean ALWAYS.....I'm even listening to really soppy music.....and it is affecting my sleeping pattern too! I want to be around her, I want to go out with her on a date I just want her in my life and as more than just a friend, she is also 19 (and as cliche as it sounds the most mature 19 year old I've ever met) and I'm 29!!

Here is the not so fun bit!!

I have a girlfriend, who I've been with for 8 years.

Now before people judge, as I know people are quick to! I have never ever cheated on her and I wouldn't, even when we where on a break early on in the relationship. For 8 years I have pretty much worshipped the ground she has walked on.

We've been through a hell of a lot together, close family tragedies, deaths parents divorcing a lot!! She is truly amazing, but at the moment I'm just not feeling it with our relationship, I mean I've felt similar before but no where near this strong and especially where some one else has been involved in my feelings. This time is very different.

I really do not know what to do or what my next step should be, do I find out if the other girl feels the same before putting my gf through the hurt I know it would cause or do I stay with my gf and try to work at it like before. The strange thing is that I felt extremely in love with my gf before I met the girl at work now it's the other way around!

Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated as I realise it will take a mammoth effort to read through and understand my entire post in one go!

[michelle23]

You are thinking the grass is greener and you are infatuated by this 19year old. Perhaps you are insecure or have low self esteem so you feel like you have "settled for second best" or maybe you are just going through a boring phase or a rough patch and want to take the easy way out.

If you are unhappy with your gf-end the relationship but only do it because you are unhappy-not because you want someone else. After ending such a long relationship-you should be alone for awhile (at least 6 months Id say) before dating again. Its not healthy to hop from one relationship to the next.

The chances of things working out with the other girl is about 1%. Your infatuation puts her on a pedastal. You think she is amazing, perfect etc. But there is bad and ugly to everyone but you wont realize that until its too late.

Did you ever hear the saying "never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will leave you for the one they love".

Anyway the fact you are considering leaving this truly amazing woman who you have been through everything with who you love more than anything for someone else-tells me you dont really appreciate what you have or deserve her.

You will probably never find someone who makes you so happy again but these feelings probably wont go away because your looking over the fence. You have already crossed a line by walking her to the bus stop and cuddling her for 5 minutes and letting her talk about marrying you etc. That is emotionally cheating and unfair to your gf.

Leave her go and find someone who will never take her for granted and you go have your fun with a younger model

[michelle23]

Here are some examples for you:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120226104846AAJHxO9

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100712104552AArQ6Bz

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-and-now-i-want-her-back-but-she-acts-soo-happy-2270532/Page3.html

http://sg.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080313225939AAxC5VW

[michelle23]

The grass is greener syndrome: http://bpositive2.com/2012/04/08/the-grass-is-not-always-greener-on-the-other-side/

Signs of a healthy relationship: http://datingrelationship-advice.blogspot.ie/2012/09/signs-of-healthy-relationship.html

Stages of a relationship: http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/romantic-love/relationship-stages

[LoveSickMuppet]

You are thinking the grass is greener and you are infatuated by this 19year old. Perhaps you are insecure or have low self esteem so you feel like you have "settled for second best" or maybe you are just going through a boring phase or a rough patch and want to take the easy way out.

Definitely don't have self esteem or insecurity issues and I certainly don't feel like I have "settled" for second best at all, not really going through a rough patch either What ever happened to just plain old fallen out of love, it happens. Some people stay together forever some people don't. I work very long hours and there used to be a point where I would really miss seeing my current gf but at the moment I don't. Don't know why I just don't.

If you are unhappy with your gf-end the relationship but only do it because you are unhappy-not because you want someone else. After ending such a long relationship-you should be alone for awhile (at least 6 months Id say) before dating again. Its not healthy to hop from one relationship to the next.

I agree that jumping out of one relationship into another is not a very good idea and that is something that has heavily played on my mind also.

The chances of things working out with the other girl is about 1%. Your infatuation puts her on a pedastal. You think she is amazing, perfect etc. But there is bad and ugly to everyone but you wont realize that until its too late.

Again I agree, different strokes for different folks and all that, trust me I'm not going into this completely blinded and realise it could go completely pear shaped!

Anyway the fact you are considering leaving this truly amazing woman who you have been through everything with who you love more than anything for someone else-tells me you dont really appreciate what you have or deserve her.

Since when did leaving a relationship mean that you don't appreciate the other person, I appreciate her a hell of a lot and just because I'm not happy doesn't mean I don't appreciate her. Appreciation is a good enough reason to stay in a relationship your not sure about anymore?

You will probably never find someone who makes you so happy again but these feelings probably wont go away because your looking over the fence. You have already crossed a line by walking her to the bus stop and cuddling her for 5 minutes and letting her talk about marrying you etc. That is emotionally cheating and unfair to your gf.

Leave her go and find someone who will never take her for granted and you go have your fun with a younger model

I was waiting for a response along the lines of this, like I've said I have never cheated on her (not asking for an award for that mind) in the 8 years of us being together, so I don't appreciate being tarnished like some one who has done something like that, is there really such a thing as emotional cheating? That is what's wrong with the world today you can't even think anymore with out doing something wrong or being labelled something your not. I haven't kissed her, I wouldn't hold her hand yet some how I've still cheated.

Just for the record also yes she is 19 and my gf is 25, the age really isn't a factor in any of this.

I'm just really confused at the moment and it's making me really miserable.

[michelle23]

Look up emotional cheating-it does exist..

Its your choice what you do.

If you end t with ur gf-you cant run back in a few months time when you have had ur fun and realize you made a mistake (if u do)

if u end it-there is no going back. You cant leave her for someone else and expect her to forgive you if you change your mind.

You will destroy her if you end it and she finds out in a week your seeing someone else-that is cruel.

Also the reason you are not missing ur gf is coz ur infatuated by someone else. Its a stupid crush. The only thing youve said about her is how hot she is (lust) what other qualities does she have?

[michelle23]

Ive heard of this happening so many times.

Girl wastes the whole of her 20's on a man-just as shes ready for marriage or kids-he leaves her for someone else and gets married and has a kid within two years. A year later they get a divorce.

****ed up world we live in alright