Want to make peace with my ex?

[overratedlove]

We dated for 4 months, broke up 2 months ago, no contact since. The break up itself was peaceful, but less than a week later it seemed he'd found another girlfriend, though I don't think this lasted. I think, like I'm 90% sure that I'm over the hurt of that and the break up, anything negative that remains is not feelings for him but my own on going lack of self esteem. Anyway, I really want to make the peace because when we first broke up he was in a pretty bad place emotionally, which is probably why he found this other girl so quickly, and we both promised to be friends. After I found about his new 'relationship" I deleted him off fb and have had no contact since. That was about 6-7 weeks ago. I did send him one text about 6 weeks ago just wishing him well which he never replied to. I really want to see him and just say hi and ask him how he is and be at peace with everything within myself. It's more about me than it is him. I miss his friendship but I think there's too much hurt there for us to be close even as friends again. We go to the same uni, both first years though I haven't yet seen him around. I'd like to just bump into him and say what I need to say but I don't know if that's going to happen and I don't want to wait for it, I want these feelings off my chest. I can't messeage him on fb without being friends because of his privacy settings, so should I just add him again and see how it goes? I don't really want a friendship, more of an acquaintance. I just simply want to make the peace, I want to stop having this conversation in my head and actually have it with him. It was the deepest relatonship and friendship I've ever had, I want to... pay respects to it, in a way, by not having him think that I never want to speak to him again. I've held back from trying to contact him because last time he didn't reply, but that could have just been too soon for him. I miss him, as a friend. I want to be able to ask how he is every now and then, maybe go for coffee if we're both on campus and have nothing to do. That kind of thing. Should I add him on fb or just hang out around the psychology department until I "accidently" bump into him? lol. thanks

[michelle23]

You need to move on with your life and forget about him. You didn't end on bad terms and you have not done anything wrong so you don't need to make peace with him. Blocking him on FB was probably the right thing to do at the time and he probably understands why you did it.

If you try to get back in touch with him now-it could be awkward or messy. He may think you want him back or try to get back with you and it didn't work out the first time for a reason so there is no point..

Dont go backwards-move forwards. 4 months is nothing really. When you have been with someone a couple of years you will look back and think it was just a brief fling.

[surfhb2]

Once you find a new BF you won't be talking to him anyway so why start now?

[Maple1714]

I've been there and gone back....and we probably "made peace" like 4 times now. I deleted/blocked him on FB and deleted his phone number. Out of sight out of mind.

I thought I was 90% over this dude from my past too. It had been over a year, I had a new BF and a child. I wanted to see how he was doing and offer friendship. We hung out 2 times and the first felt like a date and the second felt weird b/c we both knew it wasn't a good idea. Now it's weird and I really hope I don't run into him anytime soon. That 90% is bullshit...all your feelings will come rushing back once you see him.

[Wakeup]

when we first broke up he was in a pretty bad place emotionally, which is probably why he found this other girl so quickly,

No, he probably found this other girl so quickly because he was ready to long before the relationship actually ended. Time you moved on as well without imposing yourself in his and his new girlfriends life.

He's fine and I'm sure he doesn't need or want you to make any kind of "peace" with him. If you need to make peace with yourself then forgive yourself, be happy he's not stagnated in any type of grief and forget he exists.

That would be the best way to make peace with yourself and him without needing to contact and open up a whole can of worms in the process.

Work on your self-esteem issues with reading and doing things that give you a sense of accomplishment. What you want to do won't help your own sense of worth.

[virgil90]

I would suggest you work on yourself and your self esteem first of all.

[virgil90]

I completely agree with the poster above me btw.