Can't shake the feeling I wasn't meant for relationships

[sunflwer4]

I've only had two relationships. One was for 8 months and I ended it because I cheated on my ex bf. The second was on and off for two years and I was heart broken at the end of it.. my self esteem was burned.. practically non existent. I've reached a point where I can only see "love" as an action or a wanting to care for someone for no real reason except for a dependency and need for companionship, granted companionship is great. I get it. People like being with people and enjoying affection. ****ing lucky to all those people hat find someone that wants to do that with them, but I feel like all my life it's been close near impossible to ever be asked out on a date and even worse actually having a relationship with someone as you can see from my lack of experience. I am attractive, but I've never really been asked out formally on a date except once by this drunk guy at a gas station and another time by some other drunk guy on a subway. Woo frikkin hoo. To go even further, I just can't see myself staying with someone for 6 yrs or developing something like that. I can't think someone would find me desirable enough to stay with me for that long and if I did find someone I feel like it wouldn't work out or someone would become apathetic or someone something somehow .. it would fail. I feel unlovable and undesirable. I feel like I've just always been better off by myself. I feel like I never should have started dating in the first place because I was not meant to date. I was not built for that kind of commitment. Even in regular activities I can't finish something. If someone brough the perfect love into my life I'd be really happy, but I don't feel like that love exists for me. Maybe my standards are too high or maybe I'm uncomfortable with the idea of affection.. in fact it really may be both of those reasons. i'm just sad knowing i'll never be loved her ein this life

[pcmaster]

The problem is that you take everything too serious. Just enyoj life have fun, dont think about long term commitments like 6 years. Only time will show what life will bring. But real love exist and its out there. Love will come to you doesnt matter if you will be ready or not. But you better keep believing so you will be ready.

[sunflwer4]

SO what about all those spinsters out there? Were they all too serious too or where they waiting for love to stop on by? I am enjoying life.. I'm in college and I'm focusing on graduating so I can go to university. What is you definition of "real love?" Thanks for the rsponse btw

[pcmaster]

Im sure all spinisters found at least one love in their lives but sometimes love is not enought. If you want something in life you have to take it.(Once you know exacty what or who you want)

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/78260-What-is-love/page2

Thats my definition of "real love".

[sunflwer4]

Yeah but they had a love that didn't last which made it more of a romance than anything.. You have to take love? What if that person doesn't want you back? I feel like the chance that two people would both equally care for and want each other is slim pickings lol that love that you describe is immature and cliche.. love can't all be about emotions and feelings and whatnot.. you can achieve things by yourself.

[michelle23]

It sounds like your self esteem is low and you need to focus on yourself and making you happy. When you are in a better place emotionally-you may find love.
If you find it-dont screw it up again by cheating. That is wrong

[ashley89]

everyone has these moments, I do myself. sometimes things just don't work out and it seems like there's no explanation for it but I really believe everything happens for a reason. it might not make sense right now but in time it will. for now enjoy being single, go out with friends, focus on finishing school. being single isn't a bad thing, it allows us to become independent and realize what we want out of life. then when the right guy comes along you can truly be happy and know that you are satisfied with yourself! things will all work out. :]

[sunflwer4]

Thanks for your response. You are totally right.. I feel much better now. I guess I really just don't believe in a fairytale love, but I will love someone again. The first loves just hurt the most and are hard to get over, but I think I'm right where I need to be right now. I googled, "will i ever get over my first love?" & "girls fall in love easier than men." Unfortunately I can't post the links here, but if you look up get over your first love on wikipedia, that's the website that made some ideas "click" and also another story that almost identically resembled my prior more recent relationship was on some other site.

I think it's interesting that my first love showed me that I can love (wiki).. I have the potential to love someone and that's crazy! Lol. I didn't realize this until after I read it on wikipedia.. I didn't try as hard for that first boy I dated, but with my second boyfriend I acted out of love a lot and did selfless things because it made me happy being around him.

Though I'm not ready to have a full on relationship right now, I think there's going to be brighter days: P

I must sound like an idiot going back and forth, but thanks for reading.

[sunflwer4]

I love ariel btw

[ashley89]

Thanks for your response. You are totally right.. I feel much better now. I guess I really just don't believe in a fairytale love, but I will love someone again. The first loves just hurt the most and are hard to get over, but I think I'm right where I need to be right now. I googled, "will i ever get over my first love?" & "girls fall in love easier than men." Unfortunately I can't post the links here, but if you look up get over your first love on wikipedia, that's the website that made some ideas "click" and also another story that almost identically resembled my prior more recent relationship was on some other site.

I think it's interesting that my first love showed me that I can love (wiki).. I have the potential to love someone and that's crazy! Lol. I didn't realize this until after I read it on wikipedia.. I didn't try as hard for that first boy I dated, but with my second boyfriend I acted out of love a lot and did selfless things because it made me happy being around him.

Though I'm not ready to have a full on relationship right now, I think there's going to be brighter days: P

I must sound like an idiot going back and forth, but thanks for reading.

yup I totally get you! my ex was my 1st real relationship so when I met him and liked him and he felt the same back it was crazy, I never felt it before so I was in disbelief! and when things were good I was so grateful and thankful. it may sound naive or stupid but I truly felt we would be together forever, get married, have kids and all that. we even talked about it sometimes. then when he broke up with me I was devastated... I guess I had this idea in my mind of how things were going to work out but they didn't turn out that way. I really felt depressed and didn't think I would or could ever find that kind of love again. it has been a couple years and I am completely over him! while I'm not in a relationship now, I have developed feelings for another guy since my ex so I know it is still possible. I know when the time is right and I meet someone I'm into things will fall into place. I still get those doubtful moments and feel lonely at times, but I think everyone feels that way at one point or another. things will end up how they are meant to be, for now take being single as a gift, you can have fun and date around or do things you feel like doing without having to be tied down! :]

and Ariel is the best ahaha I've been obsessed with her since I was 2 years old! love her!

[Barbarisa]

Surprisingly, I always think that once you stop worrying about something, things work out. It is possible that your nervousness about the relationship is subconsciously apparent to your date or aquiantance, causing the unneccesary pressure, leaving little else to discuss further. You should consider being indeed more relaxed, loving life and interesting to talk to. A great recent write I came across stated, that a single person must feel good being alone, and only better when with someone else. Once you stop worrying about the end of any new friendship, and turn towards showing how intelligent, funny and interesting you are (every person is, or can be that), I am certain someone will not want to leave you...

[Indefinable]

Only time will show what life will bring.

I agree with him. Maybe you're thinking too much about this stuff. You have to increase you're self-confidence. I'm pretty sure you' re a wonderful woman and when less you expect it, love will knock at your door. Meanwhile, try to enjoy.