Is he not over her?

**tainted.doll** · 05-03-13, 11:22 AM

My boyfriend admitted that he went through my fb messages not too long ago, so I decided to go through his. I didn't find anything too bad but what I saw did alarm me.

Whenever his friends who he hasn't seen in awhile ask how he's doing, he only mentions his separation and court for child support with his ex and that it sucks. Nothing about me at all. Also his brother is away working and asked him to come visit and mentioned how hot the girls are and my boyfriend said it sounded sweet and he'd love to go meet his brothers girlfriend. Again made no mention of me.

We have been dating for 8 months.. it breaks my heart that I'm not mentioned at all and his only mention when asked "what's new" is stuff regarding his ex..

Is this a problem or am I over thinking it? And how would I even confront the issue?

**basilandthyme** · 05-03-13, 11:32 AM

He's not ready to tell his distant friends about you yet. Have you met any of his friends or family?

**tainted.doll** · 05-03-13, 11:35 AM

Yes I've met his friends and family - his mom, dad (they're separated), sisters, etc. I met them all almost immediately after we started dating.. that's why it's strange to me.

**tainted.doll** · 05-03-13, 11:38 AM

I should mention these people I'm referring to are just friends of his that he hasn't seen in awhile.. I just find it odd that the only thing he can think to tell people is about his ex. If he was happy wiith me and not still hung up on her I would expect his answer to be more along the lines of "ohh going through court crap with the ex but I have a new girlfriend so things are looking up" I must have high hopes haha.

**basilandthyme** · 05-03-13, 03:42 PM

As you've met his close friends and family, I'd chalk this up to you over thinking it.

**michelle23** · 05-03-13, 06:07 PM

If they have never met you (his FB friends) then its understandable that he doesn't talk about you. Nobody likes talking about someone they don't know. I hate it for example when people gossip about people that I don't know. Whenever I visit my bf family-there always talking about people I have never met and I am lost and nobody fills me in.. Its annoying lol. Hes from a different town so I don't know the people there..

And I remember when my cousin had a new bf. I never really asked about him and she didn't mention him coz I never met him..

**btl857** · 06-03-13, 05:34 AM

That's really weird that you met his family but he doesn't mention you to his friends. It does sound like he's a little hung up on the x.

**tainted.doll** · 14-03-13, 01:52 AM

I ended up asking him about it and he said that it's because these friends are people who he hasn't talked to since he "had a family" and he wanted to explain why he no longer has a family. Very solemn sentence I just wrote.. makes me feel sorry for him. I feel like I"m in over my head sometimes because he doesn't have his family and how can I ever compare to a whole, complete family.. grr.

The reason why this is a touchy thing for me is because when we first met, I basically did all of the "chasing". I was blown off by him a bit in the beginning, which I later found out was because he was still seeing his ex who he has the kid with but not "dating" cause a girl I know who lives on the same street as him saw her car there. When she found out about me and him, that's when they ended. Although he assures me that it was his choice not hers :S. They had been broken up for over a year before that, then he had a relationship with a girl for 9 months then apparently as me and him met him and his child's mom were trying things. I still don't know if I somehow was to blame for them not deciding to get back together. I had no idea they even were until that friend on his street told me.

Then even after he stopped seeing his ex (kids mom), he'd untag himself from pics with me on fb and lied to her about us dating. But he hasn't been like that ever since about 2 months in and it seems like he does truly care for me now. They don't even talk anymore except about their kid.

But I have one more question.. is it weird that he gets upset about her not wanting to see him when he picks up his son? He said it's because he thinks its unhealthy for his kid but it's weird that he doesn't like the fact that lately she makes sure she's not around when he's there to pick up his son. He complained about it to me recently and I was wondering why that would bother him..

**bearz** · 14-03-13, 02:10 AM

Really sounds like she was the one breaking things off with him and she doesn't want to be around him any more. If that is the case I would say that his reaction to her avoiding him is normal and he's still not completely over her.

**tainted.doll** · 14-03-13, 02:31 AM

Does that mean I should break things off with him or should I just be there for him and give it time? I really like him and want to be there for him but I feel kind of bitter about the whole situation.. like I was being used and then finally he "settled" with me because he lost her due to being caught doing things with me.. am I wrong in assuming this? Of course he denies he still loves her.. says he loved the person she was and will never be again, and says there's no chance they will ever be together again.

I just fear one day she'll realize she loves him and come back adn then I'll be gone..

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