Devorcee + Broken Engagement = ?

[strong4ever]

Hello!

This is my first post but I really need some advice.

I ended my marriage a little over 6 months ago due to my Husband cheating on me, multiple times. I had gotten back out in the dating scene and tried talking to a few guys and I just wasn't feeling any of it.

Until a friend of my introduced me to someone her father knew.

We hit it off quite well.

I haven't connected with anyone like this in such a long time.

He is a super sweet guy but he is 8 years older than me and was previously engaged.

His engagement ended when his fiance ran out on him with another man a few weeks before the wedding. (This is also the second time she did this to him.) This was a little less than a year ago that they split.

He is an amazing guy super sweet. I can feel his sincerity and interest in me.

Here is the problem.

He has told me he still talks to his ex-fiance. He even just recently added her to his Facebook.

I have spoken with him on how uncomfortable it makes me. He tells me he thinks she is crazy and would never get back with her. We have only been seeing each other for two months and I don't want to be all jealous and crazy. I just don't feel comfortable with him talking to someone who he was deeply in love with and wanted to spend his whole life with.
Separating with my husband was difficult for me because I still deeply loved him even after what he had done to me.
He is friends with another ex and it doesn't bother me because they didn't have feelings for each other.
I know that when you care so deeply about someone letting go of the feelings can be extremely difficult. Especially when you keep contact with them.

I can't help but feel that I am freaking out way too much.
But being so hurt once has left me cautious.

I just need someone to talk about that isn't a family/friend.
An outsiders opinion.

[michelle23]

If I were you I would end the new relationship. You are right to be cautious and you need to avoid making the same mistakes again. Its only been two months and hes obviously not over his ex. If he was he would not want anything to do with her again.

Well done for being strong and divorcing that loser. I'm sure you did the right thing and the next man will treat you a lot better.

If you are feeling insecure/jealous-follow your instincts and end it.

Take the time to really think about what you want in a man and take your time before dating again. The right one will come along. make sure you talk about fidelity and trust and why its important to you in the beginning of a new relationship. You need to know he wont let you down

If you really think he is over her and does not want her back-you could continue but you need to be 100% sure he is not just "settling for you". If he is-you will be replaced eventually or cheated on again. He needs to be emotionally available and over his ex-in order to commit fully to you.

[pcmaster]

Actually thats funny when someone runs away from marriage. Even more hilarios that person had chance to do it twice.Theres no way guy can fall trice for that. Dont be afraid he choosen you and thats all that matters. If you feel so insecure than ask him to read some messages he writes to her. Theres should be nothing to hide.

[strong4ever]

If I were you I would end the new relationship. You are right to be cautious and you need to avoid making the same mistakes again. Its only been two months and hes obviously not over his ex. If he was he would not want anything to do with her again.

Well done for being strong and divorcing that loser. I'm sure you did the right thing and the next man will treat you a lot better.

If you are feeling insecure/jealous-follow your instincts and end it.

Take the time to really think about what you want in a man and take your time before dating again. The right one will come along. make sure you talk about fidelity and trust and why its important to you in the beginning of a new relationship. You need to know he wont let you down

If you really think he is over her and does not want her back-you could continue but you need to be 100% sure he is not just "settling for you". If he is-you will be replaced eventually or cheated on again. He needs to be emotionally available and over his ex-in order to commit fully to you.

I had actually spoke with him about considering me a place holder/rebound. He has dated women before me since he ex.

I am never scared to talk to him about how I feel.

He said I am defiantly not a place holder and that a lot of good has happen in the absence of his ex. (Referring to me)

He tried to comfort me and reminded me that she lives over 1100 miles away and is technically engaged to the guy she left him for.

I just worry that my insecurities from my marriage are translating in this new relationship.
I feel like I can actually trust him. If I can get past this.
But I don't see why anyone can say they are moving on by staying in contact with their ex.

I just don't know the best way to approach it.

[michelle23]

You could just tell him straight you dont understand why he keeps in contact with her. She hurt him badly and he owes her nothing

[strong4ever]

You could just tell him straight you dont understand why he keeps in contact with her. She hurt him badly and he owes her nothing

I feel like this tactic feels way more comfortable to me. I have only been seeing him for two months and I really don't want to get hung up on someone who is stuck in the past. It isn't fair to me to be the second choice that I have always been.