Need to ask a question

[Nicky777]

Hello!

I'm new to the forums and really have no other place to ask this question.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years. He talks about getting married, buying a house, and what he thinks our kids will look like. Everything seems like he is completely devoted to me. We see each other pretty much all the time when we aren't at work, but we don't live together. We both work 9-5 jobs and spend every evening and weekend together with overnight stays at least 2-3 times per week. If for some reason we aren't together, he always calls me at least once, if not twice in an evening.

About six months ago, he was in the shower and I went onto his computer because I wanted to find a youtube video that we had watched, but I had forgotten the name of. I went to his history to find the link, but I instead found that he had been registered on "Adult Friend Finder". I confronted him about it, and aked him if he was bored with our relationship. He said he wasn't, and that he only went on the site for entertainment, and to see if anyone he knew was on there. He proceeded to show me, and logged onto accounts on Adult Friend Finder, Cougar Life, and another website for "sugar daddies/mamas". All of his profiles did not have his real name or photos, and he has never sent anyone any messages of any kind. I believed him because he was so open about it. We also spent time together looking at the wacky profiles, and to see if we knew anyone.

More recently, I went onto his computer (he told me I could) and he had left open a Plenty of Fish profile (We met on Plenty of Fish, so this one concerned me more than the others). But again, he did not put his real name or photos, and did not have the about me section of the profile filled out at all. And again, he did not send anyone any kind of message. I didn't say anything to him about finding it.

I guess I would just like to know if I should believe him. I think if he were sneaking around he would be more careful to hide it, and he also wouldn't be getting more serious with our relationship and spending so much time with me. I have no reason to believe that he is telling me anything other than the truth, and honestly I understand the lure, I myself spend time looking at Craigslist person ads, just to laugh at some of the crazy posts.

I really would just like to get another opinion on this whole situation. If you actually take the time to read this and reply, thank you in advance!

[bearz]

His behavior seems strange to me, not sure why he's on all of these web sites and stays anonymous. If I were you I'd be worried a bit as well. I think you should be honest with him and tell him that you're not really sure what to think about what he's doing online. If you don't it's just going to make it worse for you.

[Nicky777]

My other thought was it's possible that he just uses it as an alternative to porn. I know he loves me, and is turned on by me, but as far as his porn preferences I know he likes chubby milf type stuff. If that were why he were looking (the POF profile that was open was a 41-year-old woman, plus the Cougar Life account) it honestly wouldn't bother me. Our sex life is great.

[michelle23]

This would be a major red flag for me also. He shouldnt be on any dating sites. You need to have a long hard chat about this and tell him you need to no 100% that you can trust him and that hell never hurt you. Otherwise you will walk away and find someone who respects you.

Tell him its messed up being on any sort of dating site when he has a gf. Is he insecure? does he need attention off others? If yes walk away now-actually run!

[Nicky777]

Already sent in a similar reply, but it said it needed to be moderated, so I'll try again, being less blunt. Since he doesn't message anyone, or reply to any messages, I'm less concerned than I would be if he were an active user. I think he really does just go on there to look at other profiles, and one of my theories that he is using it as an alternative to dirty websites. I already know that his preference, when it comes to that stuff is chubby, middle aged women (which doesn't bother me, it's not real life) and the profile that he had open on PoF was a 41-year-old woman... If that was really what he was using it for, I wouldn't mind.

At this point I'm weary of confronting him about it if it really is nothing and making waves for no reason in an otherwise happy relationship.

For the record he is a terrible liar, and I did believe his first explanation.

[Wakeup]

And again, he did not send anyone any kind of message. I didn't say anything to him about finding it.

how do you know he hasn't messaged anyone? Did you have his password and actually go into his profile? How do you know he hasn't deleted everything?

You sound very naive and he sounds quite proficient in pulling one over on you.

As for your analogy. You aren't joining a site for casual sex when you browse craigs list so you really don't understand the implications of what he's doing.

Your choice if you want to be the ostridge who puts her head in the sand. Me? I'd be telling him to get rid of all the profiles and quit trying to snow the snowman. Then I'd question my trust for him until he proved he wasn't burning the candle at both ends.

What does he do for a living.. can he get away for nooners? Something to think about.

To add:

I think if he were sneaking around he would be more careful to hide it,

I suppose that's what he is hoping you'll think. Even if he's not meeting them, he's being incredibly disrespectful if he's wacking the noodle to girls that he could actually be talking to and bonding with. Ugh.

[Nicky777]

how do you know he hasn't messaged anyone? Did you have his password and actually go into his profile? How do you know he hasn't deleted everything?

Like I said, the first time, six months ago when I confronted him, he did show me all the profiles right away, and none of them had any contact with other users. This time, when I found the PoF profile (it was signed in) I checked the inbox and outbox before closing it.

He works very close to where I do and we often have lunch together. He works in a factory, so he really has no other chance to get away.

I just think that if he were "pulling one over on me" he wouldn't be spending every waking moment with me, and there would be some other sign that something was up.

[Wakeup]

Like I said, the first time, six months ago when I confronted him, he did show me all the profiles right away, and none of them had any contact with other users. This time, when I found the PoF profile (it was signed in) I checked the inbox and outbox before closing it.

How do you know he just didn't delete all contact? How do you know he just doesn't bookmark his favourites?

He works very close to where I do and we often have lunch together. He works in a factory, so he really has no other chance to get away.

Except when he's not with you, you mean.

I just think that if he were "pulling one over on me" he wouldn't be spending every waking moment with me, and there would be some other sign that something was up.

Then why did your gut send you to this site to ask us if You were over-reacting?

As I said, even if he's not meeting or chatting with anyone.. even having an active profile on these sites is totally disrespectful to you and your relationship IMO. If you're fine with it then be fine with it. You asked and the consensus so far is he's pulling one over on you.

Jessie James was very devoted and loving to Sandra Bullock too and look what happened there.