Is it bad....?

[Love'sReject]

..that ,although I have TONS of ambition (to do volunteer work, try do things for society and give back, getting out of my man-cave to socialize, live the life I always wanted), I can't do any of that without being in a relationship? Is it selfish?

You couldn't imagine the struggle it is for me when out in the world. Having not done the deed or have a girl, I frequently find myself looking directly at women's tits and I panic thinking that maybe I got caught. The point of that anecdote is to somewhat illustrate my awkwardness in social situations, but it is WAY worse than most experience. And it's not a typical awkwardness; it's way worse.

So if I was in a good relationship, I'd at least have some support. I feel like I do everything myself, and until last week it had me so burned out and tired so that I slept an excessive amount of hours (I started waking up earlier last week to TRY to do more in life). I wished I could just sleep and die in my sleep. I liked staying in bed to sleep because then I could dream about being in a relationship.

Without a girl, I just can't go out and risk further humiliation and trust me, I've had MORE than my share of that.

[Kromat83]

There are lots of people in your situation, and I was ambitious without having a girl for 28 years.
I am a late bloomer, but you shouldn't worry mainly not having a girlfriend.
You need to be confident, go to Dance classes, where you get contact with women.
Try speed dating, at first it might be awkward, but will most likely open you up the more you talk.
My current girlfriend is very supportive of me, and she wants to be by side when I succeed.
It was all accidental for me, but I went for it, because i needed to let go and not let fear control my life.
I have the most positive attitude towards life now, that I settle for nothing else then success.
Still not sure my relationship will work, as it's long-distance, but at least I have the motivation I was missing, and will continue my life with, or without her and make a girl happy one day, that will want to spend the rest of her life with me.
Right now, I am not certain who that might be, so if i need to search again, I'll do it after my career is developed, so she knows that I can support her, and she can help out without worries for our future.

[michelle23]

If you get out there and follow your ambitions-you will meet people that you have things in common with. You could meet a girl while volunteering

[ashley89]

LR you're your own worst enemy! you have all the potential to go out, meet someone, have a relationship and "do the deed" as you say but you have no confidence in yourself and therefore it hasn't happened. the only thing holding you back is you

[ashley89]

plus you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. a girlfriend should be there to support you but not be your main source of happiness or ambition, that needs to come from within! you won't be happy in a relationship if you aren't happy in your own life.

[michelle23]

very true that ^^^ you need to boost your self esteem LR. Youll never be happy with anyone-if your not happy with yourself

[bearz]

Why would you need a girlfriend to do all of this? What about normal friends? There are plenty of things I'd like to do but I don't because I don't want to do them alone.

[Love'sReject]

I don't really have friends. Nothing in common and I just ain't normal enough to hang with regular guys. Plus, most guys I know around here are pretty lazy; they're just creatures of habit, like sponging on the sofa, getting drunk, etc.

[Love'sReject]

plus you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. a girlfriend should be there to support you but not be your main source of happiness or ambition, that needs to come from within! you won't be happy in a relationship if you aren't happy in your own life.

very true that ^^^ you need to boost your self esteem LR. Youll never be happy with anyone-if your not happy with yourself

Nah, I could be WAY happy with a girl. That would change everything!

I find that even when I travel, it doesn't distract me from it. Makes it worse, if anything: "Gee, here I am in (x city). It's fun but without a girlfriend to share in the experiences, it doesn't feel very special."

[Storgae]

Firstly, I think you need to change your username - You are not Love's Reject, you have to change your mindset about it. Secondly, I think you should get involved by volunteering and/or charity work - I think your ambitions to do good for others is just beautiful, get involved. I have been volunteering at a Not For Profit Organization in South Africa for more than two years now and I find it helps put all things in perspective. I work with orphaned children living with HIV & AIDS. Thembisa only dreams of completing High School and getting a bursary to further her studies at a local University, Thabo eats his vegetables every night because he believes if he is a good boy then maybe he will get to meet his real Papa one day ... by volunteering you will get a chance to do well for others and maybe you will find that that will be enough to fill the void in your life, the void you insist on believing is created by not having a girlfriend. What if you didn't have parents? Or if you were sick all the time? What if you didn't have a "man cave" - would you still worry because you had no girlfriend to share it with? Get involved.

[ashley89]

I think you need to go to therapy cause you sound like you have symptoms of depression. everyone has given you awesome advice in your numerous threads and has suggested what you could do to make yourself happy and be with a girl, but you won't even listen to them. maybe you need to sort some things out in your own life and talk to a counselor to get things on track.

[Love'sReject]

Yeah..If I had a girlfriend, though, I wouldn't need the therapy!

[ashley89]

yes you still would because you're unhappy without one, doesn't mean just because you get one you'll magically get happy. your inner problems will start to surface and eventually ruin the relationship. it's not a quick fix to happiness, you need to have your OWN happiness and the relationship just makes your life better, it shouldn't be your only source of good!

[Love'sReject]

If I had a girlfriend, I'd be like a titan.

[kskts6115]

I absolutely agree with Ashley. You can't expect other people to fix your problems. You have to be happy with you first and the only person who can do that is YOU! A girl isn't going to make everything better. I think you isolate yourself because you think you are so different then everyone else. But believe me there are people just like you in the world and you will never know that if you don't put yourself out there and open up. I definitely think therapy might be the way to go.. and there is nothing wrong with that. I think most people have gone at some point or another. You find ways to cope with your feelings and make your life happier. Stop making these threads where people are giving you the same advice that you aren't following and start changing your life. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ALREADY!!