Help keeps happening heeeelp!

[jade2430]

Where do I start........ well I was married for 7 years and we broke up due to us falling out of loveand I didnt fancy him anymore. We also wasnt intimate by the end as he had so many irritating habits that was just putting me off him and by the end I couldnt stand to be in the same room as him.

And so I was single for sometime before I started dating again …..the next relationship went exactly the same way as the last one only this time it only took 6 months for me to feel the same, irritated at little things he did or said, not fancying him anymore and not able to be intimate with him.

Fast forward 3 years and im there again!!!!! been in this relationship for over a year and what started out as a wonderfull loving and caring man is now just a complete and utter irritant!
His hands and finger nails are always dirty, he smells, hes always clicking his teeth, he farts all the time, hes far to cynical, always sees the negative in everything, and is boring me to death! And I now can not stand being intimate with him! It repulses me!........but this time I just cant just dump him as he is such a good person and doesnt deseve me dumping him out of the blue, he really wont see it coming at all. No matter what I do to put him off me hes just not getting it all. Hes still very much in love with me.

How can I put this man offme so I can say goodbye without him getting hurt to much?

[michelle23]

Maybe you have unrealistic expectations. Nobody is perfect. Can you tell us the good things about him? Maybe hes not the problem. Maybe you are the problem and nobody is good enough for you.

[jade2430]

your right it is me! i know that, and yes there are tons of wonderfull things about him but the fact is i dont love him anymore and want to be as kind as possible and what advive on how to do that
thanks

[michelle23]

but can you not try to change now and get those feelings back for him. You stopped loving him because of all your negative thought, lack of affection and intimacy.

[jade2430]

so how do i do that then? belive me this hasnt just happened over night. ive been thinking about this for weeks and weeks. i dread seeing him coz i know he will drive me insane. wish i could fix it i really do

[jessica13]

Maybe you are picking the wrong men. You may not know what you want. Try making a list of what you are looking for in a man and look for those signs early on in a relationship. As for this man, if you are done with him, let him know. The sooner the better. Don't string him along. He may be hurt for awhile, but you will have freed him up to find someone who finds all those irritating traits - adorable. Although dirty teeth, nails, habits and a pessimist are not exactly charming..

[basilandthyme]

I'm also thinking that your man picker might be broken. Is it possible that you're ignoring early warning signs of incompatibility and later finding yourself in this dilemma?

[michelle23]

most of those negative things she says about him are not exactly deal breakers. most men bite their nails or have a bit of dirt under them.

everyone has flaws or irritating little things about them but she said he is amazing and cant bear hurting him. sury his good qualitjes outweigh the bad?

if you have unrealistic expectations you will be disapointed in every relationship your ever in.
maybe hes pessimistic coz hes noticed ur shitty attitude towards him and lack of sex.

im not saying you should stay with someone your not happy with but will you ever be happy? realistically?

[jessica13]

I agree with Michelle.

Maybe you are also a commitment phobe? Claiming to lose the spark with every partner seems like a common trait. There are lots of articles on how to overcome it if that is the case. Otherwise, could be that you just haven't found the "One", though I don't fully believe in that. Life isn't Hollywood. If it were, the movies would show us what happens AFTER that magical aha moment that led to the airport chase and happy ending hugfest. Probably pretty boring.

[michelle23]

i dont believe in "the one" either or "love at first site" or "happy ever afters"

relationships take work and you need to decide if this person is worth that work or not. there is no such thing is perfection. you need to constantly nurture-kinda like watering flowers.

you get out of a relationship what you put into it. and it starts by treating your partner as a human being and respecting them.

[jessica13]

You nailed it. I've been in relationships where they sure forgot to water me!

I am a bit of a sap for a Hollywood ending though. Never had a guy chase me down to the gate at an airport to declare his undying love for me. Or make a complete fool of himself for me. Sometimes I fantasize about what that might feel like. hah!

[smackie9]

Good luck because it will never happen.

[smackie9]

Jade you fall too hard too fast. You get infatuated so much at the beginning you over look the issues or their deal breaking flaws. I feel you love to be in love and really don't love the person you pursue. Most of it is fantasy, which makes you delusional. Next time, stop with the jumping in with both feet and just stick your toe in. TAKE YOUR TIME, getting to know someone rather getting excited. A little self control will go a long way.