What is it like visiting the same places with a subsequent partner?

[jfma]

Hi. I'm in my mid/late 20's and was a bit of a late starter with women. As such, I've only had one "relationship" in my adult life, though before her I clocked up about a dozen short-term things.

This woman and I just didn't really make it in the end - probably more to do with circumstances than anything else - but anyway it doesn't directly matter for the purposes of this question. With her, I kind of "spent" pretty much all of my favourite locations (locally, nationally, internationally) from my youth and childhood. We went on a lot of trips together to these places and I was delighted to kind of bring her into my past. She was doing the same, of course, when I visited places and did activities relevant to her, met her family and so forth. We also found a lot of new things to do together, and new favourite places to go. My concern is about how likely I am to be able to really use these again with some other woman later on. I'm sure many of you have had experience of basically "doing everything" with one partner and then trying to do it all again with another. Does it feel weird, do you get over it?

I mean, previously all the things we did and places we visited were either brand new, or rooted in our individual pasts - so I could bring her into them and it "united" us somehow. But now, if I took some one else one day, it would actually be all about "Oh, I came here with _ _ _ _ a few years ago..."

I wouldn't be saying that, but that's what it would surely feel like to me.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Am I "worrying" about nothing? I imagine all attachments like that fade in time, but it still seems like a lot of things you can only really use once to their full effect.

[ashley89]

yeah it's not really a big deal, if you live around the same area you're bound to go to places around there. I think in time the memories of that ex will fade and you can make new ones with this new girl! I wouldn't worry too much about it :]

[Rowen]

I agree with Ashley. It's not too big of a deal. I've gone to places like that before and then reused them if they work well. Maybe it sounds pathetic like a repeat, but you can't do EVERYTHING new each time around. Otherwise, you're going to run out of things close by really quickly.

Think of it like going to Las Vegas when you and the ex were together. You're not restricted from the whole town simply because you went there with your ex. You didn't get kicked out by the Vegas police. You didn't release a deadly strain of anthrax. You just went there and had different memories. With someone new, you can go back and make new memories with someone completely different.

You see, the problem is not in the place, but in the memories... If you go there strictly with the intent of making exact replicas of the memories with your ex, then it's a problem. If you go there with the idea to make new memories, then it's not a problem.

That's just how I see it.

[Kromat83]

There are various interests that might be
quite common for that person, or something new.

It's like if you go to the movies, it'll be the same place, but what is
playing is completely different, and what she likes to watch.

I like to take women dancing, that is something i love,
and i love teaching them what i know.

There might be some cases, where they don't feel like
learning it, I'm fine with that, but if they eventually want
to, i'll be glad to share it with them, but it's not a requirement.

I enjoyed going swimming with my girl, because that is what she enjoyed,
but someone that rarely goes could be happy because she usually doesn't
do this type of activity and would be fun sharing her that world.

What about going to a coffee shop, you go there to chat and
you'll surely talk other things, then you did with your ex.

If you're still worrying that this is the place you took
your ex, maybe your not completely over her.

To make a new relationship work, you need to make sure you
have your current girlfriend on your mind, and how will she
enjoy the experience, and not what you had with your previous.

That was in the past, and don't over analyze it,
and enjoy what you currently have.