We live together. I love him a lot but feel really annoyed and confused...

[lyyke]

It's all really annoying because at the end of the day, I am in love with this man. However, he annoys the shit out of me most of the time and we have opposite hobbies and interests and our sex life sucks...

We live together. We have for a while, by which I mean over a year... Almost 3 now actually. For the most part, our relationship is great. We snuggle a lot and take turns doing chores and all that lovely relationship stuff.

However... HE DRIVES ME G-D CRAZY. He ALWAYS thinks he is right about the dumbest little things...This usually doesn't bother me, but his thought processes just confuse the hell out of me and disgust me. He accuses me of being a know it all but he is the one who thinks his methods of reaching a conclusion are sound, and demands he get the last word in. Every single day we get into tiffs about trivial crap. Like, super trivial. For example, he thinks that Nikki Minaj is the one who coined the phrase "where's the grey poupon". When I tried to explain to him that it's from those commercials, and that Iggy A used it BECAUSE EVERYONE IN THE RAP GAME USES IT, he continues to tell me how I'm being close minded and that Iggy surely must be copping off of Nikki or mocking Nikki because Nikki said it in a song too. TRIVIAL CRAP, BUT IT BUGS THE CRAP OUT OF ME that he is dense enough to think that Nikki Minaj made that shit up, and finds it worthwhile to continue to ignore all that I have to say on the matter and go on and on about how Nikki Minaj blahblahblah. Where he has been the last 25 years, I have no GD clue.


Then there's the whole thing where I love cult movies/horror and he absolutely cannot watch them. He might watch a horror movie, if he's in the right mood, and if it's a newer release. When I say I like cult and horror I mean like The Forbidden Zone type stuff, and lots of Asian horror like the Suicide Club series, etc.... He NEVER watches that stuff with me, and when he does, he mocks my taste the whole way through. But then he begs me, and basically forces me (we will be hanging out and he will just put his media on) to watch videos of Milton Freidman and all that stuff when I am not a die hard capitalist at all and actually find Freidman to be pretty revolting. It bugs me so much!!! Everything is him him him and his ideas but mine are a joke and this all somehow translates into me being the know it all.

Then he is always making jokes about me being a hipster because I'm a culture geek. It just gets old. I don't think it's funny and I tell him this.

Then there's our sex. We only do it every few weeks because after awhile, I just feel grossed out. Our sex is like a routine and have the time I want to just tell him to stop because he is a slobbery kisser and he's really not that great at head and it's all just a disappointment. I have to get it started, and half the time I have to fake an orgasm or ask him not to stimulate me because it's just an uncomfortable chore. I do get really into it, about one day out of the month, but most of the time I feel like cringing when we get going.

Then there's the whole part where I'm fantasizing about being with other people. A lot. I brush it off, at the end of the day I'm happy to be in bed with him but it just doesn't seem sexy to me anymore. I wish he liked my culty campy interests/didn't bleed capitalism/ liked to do anything that involved socialness beyond getting high and playing video games or hanging out with his 5 friends.... (I like to go out and be rambunctious and have fun, he hates it. I like doing occasional drugs beyond mj ONCE IN A GREAT WHILE, its not like im asking him to be a junkie with me because I don't even get to go out and have fun or experiment anymore, he won't even go with me anywhere so it's been years since I've experienced shit.)

Like I said, I do love him, this post makes it sound like I don't.... I just feel super confused by all of my overwhelming emotions of love and irritation. Do I take time away? Do I tell him I think he's terrible at kissing and I wish he would give my cult interests a chance and take a break from the economics vids? I DO tell him how I think he is an obnoxious know it all, but he doesn't hear it. I love him a lot but I think a lot about just getting out of this and moving on, even though I know it would affect me for YEARS because I really do love him...

[surfhb2]

Call me crazy but you just spent a good hour or so writing a fuucking novel on why you dont love this guy then say you do love him? Give us AS MANY reasons why you love this man?

[Boisdevie]

To the OP. Stop complaining, stop whining, stop venting on here and just end the relationship. Or are you just too scared to be alone?

Pathetic.

[michelle23]

The only problem I see here is your sex life. He doesn't have to like the same films as you and he doesn't have to watch them. And he doesn't have to agree with everything you say.

Jeez me and my bf have different taste is films but we compromise-give and take and we sometimes slag each other in a playful way. He loves old music, I love the modern stuff and I always laugh and call him an old man and he laughs at me too. Its not a big deal unless you make it one.

As for your sex life. That is your fault. Not his. You should never fake an orgasm. You are just lying to him. If you cannot communicate with him and tell him what you like-then you are the one in the wrong-not him. This should not be an issue after 3 years. You should have figured out what you both like within 6 months.

Its probably too late now to tell him you fake it all the time. That will just hurt his feelings and confuse him.

Learn to communicate and stop putting him down so much. If your not happy-walk away.

[surfhb2]

The only problem I see here is your sex life. He doesn't have to like the same films as you and he doesn't have to watch them. And he doesn't have to agree with everything you say.

Jeez me and my bf have different taste is films but we compromise-give and take and we sometimes slag each other in a playful way. He loves old music, I love the modern stuff and I always laugh and call him an old man and he laughs at me too. Its not a big deal unless you make it one.

As for your sex life. That is your fault. Not his. You should never fake an orgasm. You are just lying to him. If you cannot communicate with him and tell him what you like-then you are the one in the wrong-not him. This should not be an issue after 3 years. You should have figured out what you both like within 6 months.

Its probably too late now to tell him you fake it all the time. That will just hurt his feelings and confuse him.

Learn to communicate and stop putting him down so much. If your not happy-walk away.

Or she could just come to terms they have absolutely nothing in common. I would think that would be a HUGE deal. The idea that opposites attract is BS if there's no common passions

[VincenzoG91]

Yeah, I'm not seeing any reasons to stay together. Different interests aren't a problem. Lack of respect for different interests is a problem, and so is forcing the other person to be interested in those interests. And these petty arguments represent a power struggle. You two put a lot of effort into proving each other wrong because you are both trying to get the upper hand in the relationship. Which kind of defeats the whole point of a relationship, at least a healthy one.

[michelle23]

I think shes unhappy and noticing every tiny little flaw and becoming easily irritated by them. Communication is important. If you cant communicate, respect each other and see the good in each other-you should not be together.

[basilandthyme]

Agree with much of what was written already. Lack of common interests isn't a problem - but lack of respect for your interests is a HUGE issue.

You say that you love him - and you're dead right when you say that your post makes it look otherwise. Honestly, what you're writing is the antithises of love. Why do you love him? What are all the lovable things you left out of your post? Why do you love someone who doesn't respect you? (not rhetorical questions - I think it's really important to figure out the answer to these questions)

[VincenzoG91]

Maybe she loves the memory of who she thought he was, back when they first started dating.

[renegade235]

Here's my opinion on this. I think the both of you need to decide what's important to you. I understand you have different interests but there are a lot of happily married couples that have vastly different interests and personalities. The arguing is also not good but that takes two people to keep going. More evidence that you need to decide what's actually important to you. If you focus on your differences and not your love, it can break things down. If the both of you remember and focus on how much you love each other, it will make all these other things seem petty. Good luck.

[basilandthyme]

Maybe she loves the memory of who she thought he was, back when they first started dating.

Very likely. I experienced the same thing when deciding whether or not to leave my first husband. In the end, I realised that I hadn't actually given myself permission to question whether or not I still loved him. After questioning myself, I realised that while I still cared for him, I didn't love him as a wife should

[kat82]

I smiled to myself while reading this, because I'm going through the EXACT same thing...although I've been with mine for 8 years and we are planning on getting married in the fall! I honestly think that this is something everyone goes through. I mean, you live together, and you're together all of the time, right? I don't think any couple has the EXACT same hobbies, right? So, sometimes it happens.

My fiance is a mr know it all too...there are some days when I can't finish a sentence before he cuts in "ACTUALLY...." and you know what works great? I tell him flat out that he's cutting me off, and that it's irritating. And then he stops it for a while. He makes dumb jokes that annoy me sometimes, too. Is it enough to make me leave him? Heck no, but yeah, sometimes I just feel like saying "I need a vacation from you!" I find that having our own separate space to hang out in the house is a HUGE help. We have been living in a larger house where he can go into a far off room and do crap on his computer, while I can lounge on the couch and watch my chick-flicks. He can tell when I need to be left alone. It helps (he's more of a computer 'geek' whereas I am a couch potato). Hwoever, he has recruited me into video games...I used to make fun of them but honestly it's fun. I still like my TV better though!

So, I guess my point is...it's important to be able to be honest with each other and let eachother know when you are getting on eachother's nerves. Give his hobbies a shot, but only if he's more willing to try yours too. If you don't like it, then do your own thing.

I hear ya on the sex issues...we're going through the same problem...it seems to become more & more routine. I don't know how to fix that one. (I have the 'fantasy' dreams about others, too).

[ashley89]

it sounds to me more like you hate this guy, not love him, lmao. I agree with the others, when it gets to the point where someone is disrespecting your interests and you can't stand being around them most of the time, it's time to end the relationship. you don't sound happy at all, and I agree with Vincenzo when he said you're probably holding on to the memory of how he USED to be, not how he is now. your sex sucks, you argue a lot, and aren't happy being around him. what other reasons do you need to see that it isn't working out?