A few questions (1st date) - yup, she said yes

[gotnando]

My first thread was titled "How do I ask this girl out?" Feel free to read it to gain more info on my situation. (It's still on the first page)

So, I did it. I asked her out, and she said yes. We're going out once finals are over. Haven't decided on a day yet, but she gave me her number. Lemme tell you guys, I was really nervous...this is how it went:

Me: "Would you like to go out with me when finals are over?"
Her: "Ummm..."
Me: Maybe we could catch a movie or something.
Her: Yea, sure

Nerve-wrecking...really went out of my comfort zone to do this

Anyway, I just have a few questions for you love experts:

Is it okay to talk to her before our date? We'd talk mainly about finals and to set up a day for the date. Plus I kind of forgot when her finals are over even though she told me before I asked her out. I was really nervous and shocked when she said yes so everything that was said went straight into short-term memory lol

Is lunch and a movie an appropriate first date?

After the date, depending on how it goes, what should I say when it's over? Should I tell her "This was fun, I hope we can go out again sometime?" or what?

Thanks guys. Feel free to add any more info. I'd greatly appreciate it.

[Rowen]

Okay, I'm going to try to answer all of your questions, so I'm going to number them:

1. Yes, of course it's okay to talk with her before your date. If I'm going out on a date with someone, we'll text or talk a few times during the week beforehand to sort everything out and make a plan or just to chat. But don't cling to her. Just play it cool and give her some space in between conversations. Please don't be the guy who texts her and expects her to make all the conversation while you reply with "Yup" or "Yep" and then repeatedly ask the same desperate conversational questions, only to text her "hi" about three hours later to do it all over again. DON'T BE THAT GUY! Be the guy that will text her and casually have a conversation with her and then be able to let it go for a day or so until you talk to her again. That will show her that you respect her space but still like her.

2. Lunch and a movie would be great, but if I were you, I would probably put lunch right after the movie. If you would, it would give you two something to start off your conversation over lunch. And hopefully it'll allow the two of you to go off on tangents where you can learn more about one another. But please DON'T try to make a move during the movie if you do that. It'd be too early in the date. If you're going to make any move at all (assuming you would do lunch AFTER the movie), I would just casually reach across at a point when her hand is on the table and lightly give her hand a TINY squeeze (the idea is to apply the same amount of pressure as someone holding her hand, NOT TO CRUSH HER HAND MIND YOU). Then, if she responds well, you would probably be okay to kiss her goodbye at the end of the date. I've done that a few times to see how the date responds. It normally works well.

3. Tell her this instead: "This was fun. Maybe we could do it again sometime?"
^ This makes sure that you're not suffocating her by telling her you hope you can do it again. Instead, you're remaining calm and leaving the ball in her court. Then, whatever she does with it is her business.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

[Rowen]

Crap...ignore double post. My internet's acting up. Sorry.

[gotnando]

Wow, thank you so much for the informative post, Rowen. It was very helpful. Now I just have to build up the courage to call her lol. I just got her number today, when would be an appropriate time to call her? Tomorrow during the evening (I say evening 'cause she might not be doing anything at that time)? Or should I wait another day? I don't want to come off as too eager.

And you mentioned kissing, is that okay after the first date? I forgot to mention in my previous post that she's a very shy person like I am. I don't want to scare her by being too forward.

[Rowen]

The evening would be ideal unless she has work; do you know if she works at night?
Either way, mostly the night is ideal. Make sure it's not too late- probably around 7-8 pm so she's had enough time to eat dinner. If it goes to voicemail, though, I wouldn't leave a voicemail. Instead, I'd just let it go and see if she returns the call. If she does, great because you're ahead of the game. If not, just relax and give her some time, you know? This way, you won't come off as eager and she'll see that you're interested. I have a feeling that even if it does go to voicemail, she'll probably call you back.

Ah, okay. So, I would go with the hand move (the over the table one) and let her make the next move if she feels like it. Like you stated, you don't want to be too forward. I probably wouldn't kiss her on the first date, unless she kisses you, that is. If it gets to a second date, MAYBE it's okay to kiss then. I would still judge it based on how the date seems to be going.

[pcmaster]

Call after midnight - thats when she realy will remember it. Diferent and sticking out is better. Best time to call is whenever you feel positive and relaxed.

[madotnw_nihs]

Here are some advice. If you don't know her real well, think about what you are going to talk about before you call her. Chances are there will be some ackwardness and you don't want the call to be too short. Lunch is great for a date, but I usually advise against a movie. You can't really interact with the person. If you can go shoot pool, bowling, mini golf, mall would be better ideas.

[gotnando]

Thanks guy. I am giving her a call in half an hour. Trying to think of what to talk about. I'll let you all know how it goes. Thank you for the responses. Fingers crossed I don't blow it. lol

[gotnando]

Sorry for the double post guys. Only reason I am double posting is because I want my thread to be bumped up to the top so you guys can see it.

Anyway, I called her but she didn't answer. I did as you instructed, Rowen, and did not leave a voicemail. I did, however, sent her a text 30 minutes later saying:

"Hey (her name here), this is Nando. I called you earlier but no one answered. I am just texting you because I was thinking about you and was wondering how you're doing. Give me a call back or text me when you can". Hopefully that was okay. :S

She texted me this morning saying she's good and that she has been busy with family stuff. She also asked me how I was doing. I replied back telling her I was good and that I'm just getting ready to write an essay. I also asked her what's been keeping her so busy with family? (mistake 1?) You know, to make some conversation. She hasn't replied back yet.

What do you guys think?

If she replies back I'm probably going to ask her when's a good time to call her or text her since she's apparently busy. IDK..kinda lost here! Help!

[no-se-nada]

Probably wasn't best to ask straight out what was happening, in case it was personal. Maybe a "hope everythings ok" would've been better, but I wouldn't think it's a huge mistake. If she has issues going on, I'd say don't be pushy, just kinda try to talk on her schedule. Hopefully someone can help more than that haha

[Rowen]

Probably not the best idea to send her a text thirty minutes after a phone call... She was probably asleep, and you have to remember that the idea is to GIVE HER space.

At the same time, I would probably have not asked straight forward what kept her busy... I would have said something like "Everything okay?" or "Are you alright?"

Remember. Keep giving her some space. Instead of only waiting thirty minutes, wait about 6-10 hours between attempts at contact, at least.

[pcmaster]

I think you should show more direct interest in her. Aasking about family in text message sounds boring already. Say what you really want to say - it will keep her attention much better.

[gotnando]

Okay, thanks guys. She hasn't replied back yet. Guess I already screwed up. lol Well, if she replies back, I'll keep your advice in mind. Give her space, got it.

And if she doesn't reply back by Monday, should I just move on, or attempt contact again?

[no-se-nada]

so did you ever hear back from her?

[gotnando]

Nope lol Gunna text her today and see what's up. Dunno what to do if she doesn't reply back though. Might have to start getting ready to move on. :/

What a massive disappointment...reading back on my first post, I was so happy. Now, I can't help but feel sad. This is life, however...might as well get used to it. I just hope the next girl I ask out has the guts to say no if she doesn't want to date me.