how much time do we need before dating again?

[shesjustnotin2u]

I recently had a fall out from a broken relationship. I really loved him but realized it would never work out because he didn't know what he wanted, and didn't want to be left hurt at the end. I've accepted it and am slowly moving forward with my life even if it hurts. Since then, I've kept myself busy and worked out at the gym a lot. It's been a few weeks since the break up and things are slowly getting better. I know its important to have space and time after a break up but recently I met a guy who really likes me. It feels good to know someone is thinking of me. Plus he also told me he liked me and is not looking for a friendship. I somewhat like him too but I'm scared he might just be a rebound and don't want to hurt him. After so many failed relationships, I'm scared and don't know why but I refuse to date or invest time into guys. What is wrong with me? I'm not stuck on my ex but I think I'm just hurt by everything, life, love, career... What's wrong with me?

[bearz]

I see two issues... one is jumping into another relationship too quickly and the other is you having many failed relationships and thinking there is something wrong with you. Let's not get those two mixed up - unless all of the failed ones have been sort of rebounds.

I think you are doing the right thing by going out there, keeping yourself busy and doing something for yourself. Give it some more time and if he truly likes you he should be able to give you the space and time you need. Have you told him that you don't think you are ready for another relationship so soon?

How are you hurt by everything? What's going on in your life that makes you wonder why something is wrong with you?

[shesjustnotin2u]

Society has changed, dating and the value of relationships aren't the same anymore. I honestly can't date more than 1 guy at once because I get confuse on who I really like then second question myself. Im always the nice, sweet, innocent girl that after a guy dates, ends up dedicating or marrying their next hr because he finally understands what he wants in a relationship. I'm not hopless in love but scared to give my feelings to someone again. I think I'm too understanding and accepting to even keep my exes as friends after being hurt.... This guy actually likes me and have made all effort to be patient. I told him I just recently ended a relationship and don't want him to be a rebound. He understands and respect what I said but then I also feel like I am only slowing myself down. I'm fine, but I also feel like something is wrong with me for not enjoying these attention...

[shesjustnotin2u]

I have a date tonight and.I'm procrastinating to go!!!!!

[bearz]

You should only be dating one guy, especially when he's already expressed his interest in you. But if you don't share those feelings he needs to know and you should stop seeing him. Going on another date with someone else just hurts his feelings, and yours as well.

[smackie9]

Relationships are supposed to fail until we find the right one. Stop being silly, and enjoy dating again. No one said you had to jump into a serious relationship, and there is nothing wrong with going out on a date or two.

[smackie9]

Note: there is always a risk of things not working out when dating someone, so if you don't feel it and he gets hurt so what...that's just the way life is, you take your chances with anyone you go out with.

[shesjustnotin2u]

I understand but I try to put myself in the other person's shoe and how they might be feelings and that is what gets the best of Maine keep in mind this is why I question what is wrong with me because people look at these things and find me weird I'm sorry but I don't like to use people even if it is to suppress my heart ache at the moment

[bearz]

I don't think you're weird, you act perfectly normal in my mind. But then, maybe I'm weird as well, who knows!

It's nice that you care about others, just make sure you don't forget about yourself in that process. You don't have to use people in order to find out what you want. If the guy you have been seeing likes you and you like him too, just take it slow with him and see where it goes. But if you don't think there's a future he should hear that from you.

[shesjustnotin2u]

Thank You Bears for reminding me that there are still good people out there I'll take your advice and give myself time to focus on me. I still believe there's someone out there for me why I haven't given up hope. I guess I will need be patient until I meet someone who has the same values and morals at me

[bearz]

You will find someone for sure. Good luck to you.

[basilandthyme]

I think you need to wait till you're not hurting anymore. That could be as short as a couple of weeks - or it could take many months. I don't believe one should wait a specified amount of time according to a rule.

[Kromat83]

I wanted to date again, the same day i broke up, but it depends on
the length of your relationship and we only spent 1 month together
and 1 month apart, as she didn't bother to try anymore this month,
so i knew it was coming, and glad i am free from her negativity.

I can't put in an effort, if the other doesn't accept what i am offering.

I am a great person, but not for her, like she said, and i'll find someone better.

She was scared, because i was looking for something more serious, as
a better life, and she wasn't mature enough to be ready.

*** Now i can't wait to date this new girl i started talking with yesterday and today,
from Lavalife, and we'll see each other for the first time in April.

It'll have to be after my exam, and when she comes back from her trip to Malaysia.

P.S. this new one lives in Ontario, Canada, as I don't want the long distance thing again.

[amy37]

Sounds like you jsut need some time for yourself. Explain that to him and if he's a good guy he should give it to you.

[shesjustnotin2u]

Happy for you kromat83. I wish you the best of luck. As for me I realize I'm going to stop chasing after the wrong guys so that I give the right guys a chance to chase after me. thank you all for the wonderful advice. Much appreciated.