Long story, I'm sorry. But I am heart broken so I hope someone will listen.
My boyfriend and I broke up last night. We had been having problems, he was saying that he felt like he didn't know me well enough (we were only together 2 months) and because of that, he said he liked me a lot, but he wasn't sure if he liked me enough to date me. It was understandable, I felt the same way. We had rushed into dating and skipped the awkward coffee dates and getting-to-know you stuff and just went straight to the hanging out at home stuff. We had met about 6 months ago, started dating, then a month in he broke it off because he needed to deal with family/friend issues and his depression. He wanted to get back together, and after 3 months of him being very consistent and proving to me that he was ready, I gave him another chance.
So this time, the thing that really stood out to me was that although we had talked about breaking up over the last few weeks, instead of running like before, he was the one to suggest things we could do to improve. He wanted me to meet his friends and vice versa, we agreed we should get out more and try new things together, etc. He seemed like he actually wanted this to work.
Then, because it was sort of awkward after that talk, we stopped communicating as much. Just less frequently, but otherwise same as usual. Then it was midterm week, and we were both busy and couldn't visit each other. Then it was spring break. He invited me over to his hometown, so I went and stayed a few hours. This was the first we had seen each other since we talked about whether we should break up or not. Things were awkward at first, but we talked a little about what to do. This stood out too, I said something like "so...I don't know what we should do then." And out of the corner of my eye I saw his face go flush, and he frowned a little, and really hesitantly said "what do you mean....what do you want to do?" It just seemed like he thought I was about to break up with him and was upset about it. It was surprising to me, because he had been the one to run the first time, and he was the one hardly ever talking to me, being moody, telling me how he is friends with his exes, commenting (on FB) how they're pretty and stuff. It was just all adding up for me, me thinking he was trying to let me go easily, and then he got visibly upset when I even hinted at a break up.
So at his house, things got better, when he started kissing me and things were getting a little too heavy, I reminded him that he had said we should stick to getting to know each other better, he broke out the video games because he saw I was getting uneasy. We played for a while, had fun, wasn't awkward at all by then, and I left. He kissed me goodbye, told me to have fun with my family, and said he'd see me after break.
All in all, went pretty well. We still needed to talk about stuff but it was a good way to ease into things again.
So that was last Monday. Today is Thursday and I heard not another word from him from Tuesday morning until yesterday. Not a word in a week. Which is exactly what he did the first time when he wanted to break up and I had to nudge it out of him. He frequently goes days without contacting me which I have told him bothers me a little, then has spells of talking to me all the time. However, his friend passed away in a car accident on Monday, so maybe I can excuse the last few days, but it was still a week of no talking before that happened.
Last night, I got super upset, I had been obsessing over the situation and was upset at him for not talking to me, but figured i would give him some space to work things out. Until I just missed him so much and broke. Just saying "hey" over FB chat. He saw it, and ignored me.
So it was the last straw, and I knew he had been avoiding me (or at least i assumed), and told him that I wish we had just broken up at his house rather than whatever was going on, but it is what it is, and that I was sorry to hear about his friend and mentioned that I sort of knew him. i was just trying to relate to him I guess, and was hoping he'd understand that I cared.
That opened the flood gates, and he started asking me why, and I said, and he got testy (i was trying to put it in the perspective that his friend had just died suddenly) and he ended up upset at me for bringing it up. I told him I was sorry and didn't mean to talk about it, I just wanted him to know I was sorry, but he just kept saying I shouldn't have told him. He also said that he had planned to visit me today actually, but now he didn't think he would. Part of me thinks that he was just saying that to upset me for being a jerk, but I don't know.
So from that conversation going the exact opposite of what I was expecting, I got that he WAS actually serious about trying to work it out and now I'm just the bitch that overreacted and ended it before we ever got a chance to....
What do I do? He's always said that he's friends with all his exes not long after breaking up, but I don't know if we can recover from this one...
I really care about him, and while we weren't together long enough to really be in love, I really do love him. I would love to be with him if we could work it out, I just don't know what I could possibly say or how long to give him or anything that could fix this....
I never really wanted to break up. I was just protecting myself and ending it because I thought he was ready to be done but wouldn't do it himself.
Someone tell me how to fix it...... :'(