Nothing is changing :/

[caswil10]

Let me start by telling you my story very sorry that its long.

Me and my ex boyfriend had been together for over 3 years and happily for the most part. Things were becoming tough but this was propably down to the fact we live 1 hour away from each other and work commitments meant we only saw each other on weekends. However, when we did see each other there was no effort involved as we had become too comfortable with each other. In November last year he said and made comments which not only made me very jealous caused me to become upset and so I ended the relationship.

After a week he contacted me and we started talking again hoping to work things out. We both made mistakes in the relationship (nothing like cheating as that is a big no no) but for some reason he then became very focused on a mistake of mine I had made nearly 2 years previous whilst we were on a break anyway. This caused him to cut off everything without explanation and said we could never 'communicate' again; He didn't speak to me only sent me this by text.
I proceeded to give him a couple of weeks space thinking he would be willing to talk, he wasn't and after a month of trying I eventually gave up. Its now been 4 months since I broke up with him, 3 months since he spoke to me and 2 and half months since I tried.
I understand he was hurt by what I did, I was hurt by what he had done but we came through it stronger so I don't understand why he has to be like this when it is well and truely in the past. Surely I deserve a bit more after all these years? I'm finding things very hard because throughout the relationship it was just me and him, I don't have many friends so he was my rock and my life as were going to move in together in the summer. I was invested for the long term.

I'm not really into going out and partying and finding someone as this doesn't interest me, I don't really have time to find a new hobby either so I just feel a bit trapped like I'm not moving anywhere because even when I feel strong and ok I go back to square 2 and am hurt again and again.
Alot is going on at the moment with personal circumstances and I feel he is the only one ever to even understand me a little bit and so I am gravitating towards trying to contact him again. I don't want to be in a relationship with him again but its a weight on my shoulders and although I love him I am willing to let him go. I want to be satisfied with the way things ended and at the moment they ended very bad but if we rectified this I am thinking it will help me begin to move on slowly.

I know he doesn't love me and this hurts but I can cope with this, I feel I've lost my whole life and so by being civil with him I hope I can gain control of my life again. I don't want to sound desperate or push him away altogether but its got to the point where I don't know what to do and its affecting me.
Should I attempt to contact him or should I wait until he contacts if he ever does? What should I do in the meantime?

All help and advice is greatly appreciated, many thanks.

[xrwalker31x]

I'm going through the same tbh. I love my ex still so much, but things were not right and I know to give up. I didn't want things to end bad last time. I was unemployed and all I thought about was that last time that we talked. It's like you can't help yourself , you want to text them. At one time I would have said text him to say no hard feelings etc. now Id say no, fill your life up like before you met him and get yourself happy and not bored. Boredom and not spending time with friends and loved ones will obv make you miss him more n more. Be strong n get yourself sorted first, then if you find you want to patch things up do it . Hope this helps x

[Wakeup]

First you broke up with him because he's a dick, then you got back together for a brief spell wherein he discovered that the reason he was a dick still was because he couldn't get past whatever it is you did when you broke up with him. Now he's broken up with you.

Relationships that are off and on like your's was are natures way of telling you that you're not with the man that you will be spending the rest of your life with so the chances of it working out for the longterm are next to none. People who actually love each other and are committed enough to one another work through their problems while maintaining the relationship. If they can't do that, then listen to nature.

You'll be fine without him if you utilize your time to help make you the best you that you can be. Telling yourself that you don't have time for hobbies is a lie. If it's not, then if you don't have time for yourself and the pursuit of your own life passions, then you certainly do not have time to nuture a relationship so that it lasts.

You shouldn't rely on a boyfriend to be your only source of happiness he shouldn't be your only extra-curricular activity outside of your job/career. That just leads to codependency instead of the preferred and more successful life goal of interdependency with someone you are compatible with in life, personal boundaries and are able to have a true partnership with while maintaing a life of your own through friends, hobbies, classes, pursuits of betterment.

Let this clown go from your thoughs of needing him. You don't need him, you were'nt meant to be lifemates. You just need to make a life of your own, then when you're happy within, you'll pick a guy that is a bonus in your already happy and fulfilled existence.

Stop hoping he'll call you and come running back. Even if he did, you'ld not last a lifetime ~ Guaranteed.

[Ann S]

Let's see if I have this right: You both hurt each other. Your ex chose to focus on one of your mistakes. And you think that your ex is the only one who ever understood you even though he never understood your need for communication? And your life depends on what he does? I hope you don't try to contact him again. I bet there is another woman he's involved with. But this isn't about him, it's about YOU. I hope YOU work on distracting yourself from thinking about him. There is a really good little paperback called, "How to Get Over a Lost Love." (I'm not the author and have no financial interest in this book so that is not why I'm recommending it.) Read it. I bet it will help you. Ann

[basilandthyme]

You've been given some excellent advice so far.

I've just got one thing to add: I'm wondering about the thing you did while on a break. Thing is, I can't see that what you do while on a break is any of his business. And perhaps the thing you did wasn't so heinous anyway.

Don't let him hold stuff over your head.