I recently had a very heated argument with my boyfriend who I have lived with for the past 3 years. I haven't said a word to him in over 2 days. It was pretty intense. The next morning he came to apologize to me for what he had done and even though it meant a lot because it takes a lot for him to apologize I still feel very hurt and I am battling between standing my ground and having him come to me (I guess I would like him to fight for me) and me approaching him and trying to smooth things over. (which I usually do) I know the silent treatment is not the best solution, but I often start to run my mouth a mile a minute when I feel angry/hurt and I end up pushing him away even more. For me, silence keeps me calm and allows me to think things through.
Since his apology he also has said very little (other than what is necessary, that has nothing to do with the situation)....I feel like he is not trying enough and I am struggling with the feeling of just caving in an collapsing in his arms (so to speak) because I really hate feeling tension. But I know I will be left with the feeling that I gave in first.....again. I know this is not a game....I just want him to in a sense, fight for me, and if I take the next step I feel I will lose this.
I am not sure if this is making any sense to any of you, I may be so wrapped up in this that I am babbling nonsense and can't even see it
Just a bit of a background on this (if it will help)...My boyfriend is very ALPHA male.....I am the total opposite....very feminine (have some "daddy" issues) and more on the submissive side but in no way a door mat. I love the feeling of my man protecting me, keeping me safe and taking care of me. Right or wrong it just works for us. But obviously nothing is perfect
My boyfriend had a very rough upbringing. Father was not in the picture at all and was raised by a mother who took out her anger towards the father on him (being the only son) and physically and emotionally abused him. He has had a hard time trusting women and we have had our battles because of this. But he has a huge heart and I am one of the few lucky ones who have been able to see it.
We first met when we were in our mid teens. Had a little crush but then moved on with our lives only to find each other again 4 years ago. During that first year I had moved out of my previous residence into my new place and after an argument I asked him for the key and asked him not to come by that night as I wanted to be alone. It was the first and only time I saw tears in his eyes. Much later on he opened up and told me that it was the feeling of another woman he loved "throwing him out" (his mother used to lock him out of the house when he was young.....very young!). I was just trying to feel in control of the situation which is why I asked for the key. To this day I know deep down he hasn't forgiven me for that. I know to most this will sound unreasonable, but if you truly understood his past it does make sense even though he needs to surpass that. I have my own issues that need surpassing as well. we all try our best.
Annnnnnnnnnnnny how....I have rambled too much. Just wanted to give you a bit of a history to help you understand and I would love to hear a male perspective on this. Do I just soften and approach him....if so what do I say or maybe just say nothing but let him know I am receptive? Does he expect this because in his eyes he took the first step by apologizing? What would most men like to have happen at this point if they were in this situation (and considering his personality).....any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you!