Need advice

[richa_21]

I am 39 years old divorcee lady with two kids 11 years son and 10 years girl respectively. Recently I came across with a person who cannot marry me due to his family situation but he would like to have long term relationship with him as well as he can continue to stay with me occasionally. Even i am attracted towards him. He loves my kids as his own. Till now we are good friends. On few occasions he has touched me but never had intercourse. But now since few days he is asking for it. I am not sure whether i should move ahead or not.Now if i accept him and move ahead will there any difficulty for my kids to absorb him like step father by them and how would it effect on them psychologically?

[FlaCooln]

I think if your kids like him and he is good to them it should not hurt them at all. This is of course if the relationship continutes because there is the possiblity of harming the relationship by adding sex to it. But, if you both are attracted to each other and want to have sex then you should go for it. Your happiness matters and I know you care about your kids, but I am sure they want you to be happy. So if having sex with him is somthing you want, you should go for it.

[Rowen]

I agree with Fla, but what really irks me is what is his family situation that he can't marry you? That would send up a red flag for me, at least.

However, if you two are in a long term, I would say that if your kids feel comfortable around him, why not do something that you want for yourself? I mean, you're 39, and you've dedicated years to your children. While I'm NOT saying that you should dump them off in Thailand to go to school, I am saying that you deserve a balance of family life and intimate life. They'd want you to find love again because, sadly, one day they will be off to their own lives. Don't put your life on hold; do what you want to do without forgetting your kids.

[richa_21]

I agree with Fla, but what really irks me is what is his family situation that he can't marry you? That would send up a red flag for me, at least.

However, if you two are in a long term, I would say that if your kids feel comfortable around him, why not do something that you want for yourself? I mean, you're 39, and you've dedicated years to your children. While I'm NOT saying that you should dump them off in Thailand to go to school, I am saying that you deserve a balance of family life and intimate life. They'd want you to find love again because, sadly, one day they will be off to their own lives. Don't put your life on hold; do what you want to do without forgetting your kids.

Thanks for reply. He can't marry me because he is already married. At this moment he cant leave his family. But at same time he loves me and gives time for me.He says he can make balance between his family and me.Even i like him. Till date i have devoted all my time to my kids. Even i will take proper care of them in future.

I got divorce 6 yrs back and till today i never got close to any man. Don't know its good or not. But now i have decided to move with my friend.

[michelle23]

So hes cheating on his wife with you?: Why didnt you say that? The replies you got would be much nastier if you did! Im not even gonna bother..

[Rowen]

Thanks for reply. He can't marry me because he is already married. At this moment he cant leave his family. But at same time he loves me and gives time for me.He says he can make balance between his family and me.Even i like him. Till date i have devoted all my time to my kids. Even i will take proper care of them in future.

I got divorce 6 yrs back and till today i never got close to any man. Don't know its good or not. But now i have decided to move with my friend.

Oh... Well, I didn't know it was like that. Being married changes the ball game.

In this case, I don't think it's very noble of him to be with you right now. Even if he ends up leaving his family for you, who's to say he won't cheat on you in the future?

Honestly, I know it may hurt, but I think you need to find a man who is honest with you and single- someone who understands they're not enough for two people. That being said, I wouldn't sleep with him... Your ball game is different than what you originally posted about.

[VerticalMoon]

Most women who get involved with a married man think their situation is special. There's always those excuses such as he doesn't love his wife; he's with her for the kids; our love is special; etc., etc. And yet these situations never end well. If he's married, he's taken. It's as simple as that.

As far as the kids, it's never good when a father figure comes into their lives and then has to leave. That's almost certainly what's going to happen here if he's not leaving his wife. Plus, do you really want to grow up thinking there's nothing wrong with affairs? You really need to do the responsible, adult thing and just say no to this situation. Otherwise, your kids and you will both end up getting hurt.