'Date' with an old, recently single crush...

[affirm300]

I posted a few weeks ago in the general forum about my situation, but to sum up, I met this girl almost a decade ago when we were teens (we're both in our mid 20s now) and we've kept in touch over the years, she didn't like me romantically back then.

A few weeks ago she changed her number because of an ugly break up with "another immature guy" and she made sure I had it, then after two weeks of talking we went to dinner last night. We had a great time and sat and talked for almost 5 hours. She kept saying I was a nice, mature guy, something she's looking for, but just can't date right now and wants to clear her mind, wants to stay friends, but would love to go out again. I want to know if I should back off on her for a while or keep talking to her/seeing her? if her feelings about me have changed in the slightest I'd hate to mess it up, after all these years I still quite fancy her. Opinions?

[basilandthyme]

I would be concerned that if you stick around as her friend, you may get friendzoned. But if you ask her to call if/when she's ready, she may forget about you in the meantime. My gut instinct is to make yourself scarce and let her miss you - but I can't say with any certainty that it will work.

At any rate, it's not worth putting yourself on hold for someone who isn't equally interested in you.

[affirm300]

Thanks! I suppose time will tell. She sounds more interested than back in the day, but she did just get out of a relationship, so maybe I'll keep myself scarce and give her room. It's not gonna stop me from looking for other candidates/dating!

[Ann S]

Hi affirm300: "She kept saying I was a nice, mature guy, something she's looking for...." Did you ask her what she meant by this? So often we are afraid to ask questions about what people mean when they make a statement. It is OK to ask for clarification: "So you think I'm nice and resemble something like what you are looking for......what do you mean?
Then that opens the door to a discussion about her feelings about you. Would she be interested in more than a friendship? This shouldn't jeopardize your friendship. You haven't said how YOU feel. See what happens! Ann