How do I win the love of my life back?

[luke_collins]

I wonder if anyone will ever read this. It’s bound to be long because it’s a long story so I doubt it. I’ll try my best to abridge it. But it’ll be good to get it off my chest anyway.

So it all began nearly 4 and-a-half years ago now. I met the girl of my dreams (on Facebook – I’m not a creep honestly, that’s just how it happened) and our first date was in Paris because that’s where she was working at the time. (We’re both British). There was huge anticipation in meeting one another. I arrived. We kissed and embraced the moment we saw each other and I can tell you, there is such a thing as love at first sight. It turned out to be the best day of my life so far in my 29 years here on Earth. That makes me sound like an alien. We toured the city, had lunch, kissed by the river, went up the Eiffel Tower, kissed and told each other ‘I love you’. And it was real. And so began the most amazing relationship I have had. I’m half British, half Filipino, she is the same. We shared so very much in common and learned and loved each other’s differences. It was like it was meant to be. I came to love her family, her little brother, who I saw and treated as my own, as he did with me and it was all just perfect. However I made my first mistake by contacting my ex before her without my girlfriend knowing to see how she was etc and I think to ask for advice, I can’t remember what I said exactly. I think I even said something like, you were my best friend. Whatever it was, it wasn’t nice for her to find out about. It was secretive and planted the first seeds of mistrust. But she forgave me and our relationship continued to flourish. I was not seeking my ex back though, that relationship always felt like we were just good friends.

Fast forward 2 years and I get a cancerous brain tumour. She stays with me and helps me through it, like a saint. She stands by me and supports me throughout my whole ordeal when many would have ran. At one point, I got an infection so bad I ended up in intensive care and the only person to battle her way through a deluge of snow at the time from 100 miles away, was her. (That’s not to say my mother isn’t loving and caring, just that the snow was particularly atrocious at home and she doesn’t drive) Seeing her visit me in my precarious state, was like seeing an angel sent just for me. She gave me renewed strength and lifted my spirits. Fast forward again, I’m recovering by now, apply to get into healthcare to help others as I was helped, I’m accepted and my mind-set had foolishly changed. I wanted to experience more, hang out with friends more and live life more as opposed to spending large amounts of my free time with the one person who mattered most. I misinterpreted her love and devotion and desire to be with me as suffocating at times. How idiotic can you be?! My mistakes and poor judgement grew in number and frequency. I became overly flirtatious with other women and was caught texting/messaging other girls inappropriate things, not lewd or sexual, but complimentary things no girlfriend wants to see her boyfriend sending to other women. Ridiculous, shameful. I was straying. Arguments of course broke out. She should have dumped me on at least 2 occasions. Though I was and never would have been unfaithful. Call it a quarter-life crisis, call it stupidity, call it whatever you will. I had become an idiot who knew not what he had.

The arguments became so severe I asked for a break, to think and collect my thoughts. Horrible thins were being said between one another that should never be spoken. She denied that request. So I harshly blocked her out of my life. And put her through hell. For 10 weeks I ignored her and eventually sent her a long long letter of apology with tickets to Paris, where it all began to rekindle our love and start afresh. I can’t believe I thought she would even consider it or that I even had the right to do so. She had taken it as a break-up. Who wouldn’t. At first she seemed receptive but as the days passed, she grew colder and colder, refused the trip to Paris and said she could not get back with me. Things had changed, she had taken on more responsibility, she felt she could not trust me. End of. That was just before Christmas 2012.

We do speak from time to time. I have tried to give her space to find out who she is, explore, achieve, perhaps realise the amazing time we had together, before I became a selfish nincompoop. She will initiate contact from time to time, which gives me hope. We have met a couple of times, both times beginning awkwardly but ending in tears of forgotten love, perhaps regret, guilt. Who knows? And a nice embrace each time. She seems determined to move on from me. And one can’t really blame her. She tells me that every date she goes on obviously fails to live up to the standard of our first date, that she feels like she will one day have to settle. When I’m right here, offering to be the man she fell in love with again. Promising! Vowing! It’s like a dagger to the heart when she says things like that. She said she would have perhaps been more receptive to the idea of getting back together if I had slept with other women and still wanted to return, so she would know for sure it was her I wanted – well I have now, a couple of times and boy do I realise what she meant. No one can or will compare. Others seem empty to me. I too, have the very same fear that I will have to settle, due in no small part to my frivolous ways.

Deep down, I feel like there is a big part of her that wants to start again. Maybe I am deluded and overly hopeful. Probably. Either way, there is a barrier of mistrust and a shield that is raised to protect her from hurt. Again, how can I blame her. If only she could see into my mind and just KNOW that I have no ulterior motive, no desire to ever be with anyone else, that I fervently believe she is, for want of a less cheesy phrase, my soul mate. If only I could convey that my time away told me what I’ve got, what I’m not and who I am. When she hugs me and tells me she’s missed me I feel like maybe that means more than just you’re average friendly compliment. How do I bring down the shield? How do I make it clear my intentions are honourable. How do I make it clear that she never has to mistrust me again?! I’ve made it sound like I was a monster, it depends how you define monster though I didn’t cheat or abuse. I just strayed and acted like a dick. She did admit that there is something to be said for having rounder lives, filled with friends and other activities, not just always focused on the two of us. But, I would give up everyone else to have her back. I know she wouldn’t say the same because she has made some good friends and seems to be enjoying herself. As have I but obviously, to a lesser extent.

During our time together, there was on time we were on holiday in the Philippines, laying on the beach at night, watching the sky and she jokingly remarked, ‘if we’re meant to be together, a shooting star will go’ and pointed a trajectory in the sky, No less than 2 seconds later, it fell, exactly the way she pointed. Now I know that was just a piece of space rock entering our atmosphere, but I do believe in signs. We both lay there in shock and awe. Was God really confirming what we already knew? We share a remarkable and highly improbable relationship to the number 18. It is the number of so many things in our lives that relate in such implausible ways, that a mathematician would think it ridiculous, staged and bogus. What’s most important though is that she is the only one for me. I would literally die for her. All I want is her back in my arms, to love and to cherish her for the rest of time, to have what would be the most gorgeous children that I long for. One of the most stunning people you will come across but more importantly, with the heart of an angel.

If it doesn’t happen, anything else will be settlement.

And I think I’d rather join the church as a priest!

How on earth can I win her back?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

How on earth can I win her back?

You might not be able to. Your only chance is to start moving on, and tell her not to contact you unless she wants to get back together. It's one thing to be hurt over a break up, but you need to quit being such a bitch.

[luke_collins]

You might not be able to. Your only chance is to start moving on, and tell her not to contact you unless she wants to get back together. It's one thing to be hurt over a break up, but you need to quit being such a bitch.

Harsh but fair! I quit ages ago now thank God

[bearz]

This was a lot to read, but it was well written. You both can't seem to let each other go otherwise she wouldn't initiate contact or agree to meetings, so when was the last time you two actually had a conversation about all of this?

[luke_collins]

This was a lot to read, but it was well written. You both can't seem to let each other go otherwise she wouldn't initiate contact or agree to meetings, so when was the last time you two actually had a conversation about all of this?

Thanks for your thoughts. And thanks for saying it was well written. We avoid the subject. I would say the last time was during text. She text me one evening while I was out to say she had been on a few dates or whatever and that they might be this, they might be that, but none of them were me. Words to that effect. I said well lets get back together, just forgive me! She said she couldn't but wanted to start back again as friends and arrange to meet. I tried to arrange it in the following days but she went cold on me. Or it appeared that way anyway. She said she was tired and didn't wanna text etc fob offs.