I really like someone but he's engaged :(.

[bcgirl]

a cheater WILL blame everyone else, this is an easy manipulation and tactic to make yourself "not as evil". If I blame the other guy to my ex, it will make him think I was just brainwashed into having the affair. If I put the blame on the my ex to the single it will just make him think I was just a damsel in distress needing to be saved from the mean, wicked boyfriend. On an anonymous forum like this, there is no need to make myself "look good" and I can just be truthful about my infidelities. I've helped many others on this forum see through the manipulations from their cheaters.
From my experience, the mistresses do not wish to fall in love with a person in a relationship, it just happens for them and often times they fall very hard regretting having such strong feelings because the cheater doesn't always leave their spouses, just leaving them broken hearted.
The cheater will feed both parties BS. Giving the mistress hope that one day their "true love" can end happily ever after, but till we get there you still need to tough it out such as wait by the phone on your Friday nights in hope that I will call. I might not, which will only leave you at home alone watching Seinfeld re-runs while your friends are at the bar meeting other singles...or I will call... And we will literally have 2 hours before I gotta come up with another excuse for the spouse at home so you better give me the best mind blowing head till the next time we meet again.
The cheater will always have an answer for everything and an excuse for anything. They know from the start that they won't leave their spouse for a mistress, thus why they tend to prey for the weak and vulnerable that tend to have traits such as naivety, insecurities etc.

[Wakeup]

The cheater and the enabler are no different. Both are takers.

[bearz]

The cheater is the only person to blame until the enabler knows that there actually is cheating involved. Don't be so naive to think that every person who is going to cheat with someone is being honest right from the start.

[Wakeup]

Does that even have to be pointed out? Of course if the cheater is lying about his "status" then the "enabler" is not aware and can hardly be blamed. That goes without saying.

[michelle23]

BCgirl I would just like to say I have never had my heart broken. I was cheated on once when I was 17 but I dont dwell on that and it is no reflection on me. He cheated because he could, because he wanted to, because he was insecure, he craved attention blah blah blah. Im not gonna get into it coz quite frankly I know Im worth 100 of him and I had a lucky escape and I couldnt care less about the moron.

But just because I am harsh on here with some people does not mean i have issues because of that ^^. The reason I am harsh is because I have empathy for others and morals, values, beliefs that I stand by no matter what and I wont back down.

I think you are the one who has issues or at least you did in the past. I mean you are a self confessed narcissist for gods sake so you have no right to judge me or WU. You can stand up for the OP all you want. But most people will disagree with you whether you like it or not.

And that is BS that WU scared the OP away. Dont be sooo naive. She is conniving, ruthless and manipulative so Im sure she has a backbone big enough to take the flack!

[IndiReloaded]

There are various ways to make points. Some are more classy than others. It's easy to beat someone with a stick to make them move. It takes sophistication to move someone thinking they thought of it themselves.

Wakeup isn't subtle. She makes me think of Churchill. LOL.

If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.

[Wakeup]

Some people don't understand "subtle" and I'd wager that most cheaters and enablers would be those that subtle goes right over their head. They don't want subtle, they want empathy when they have none themselves.

[michelle23]

I have to agree ^^ subtle does not work with some people. You need to be about as subtle as a gun. And sometimes being harsh is the only way to get your point through their skull. The only time I am that harsh is with doormats and love rats but I think its necessary. Doormats need to wake up and realize they are worth more and cheaters need to be alone and miserable until they learn how to treat people with respect and compassion. And as for people like the OP-she needs to learn how to find her own man

I mean well when I am being that harsh particularly with these co-dependent doormats. I just want them to realize that they can do better which is why I am quite blunt with them. Im sure WU also has her reasons.

[bcgirl]

If the op was a conniving wanna-be fiancé stealer than I'm sure the harshest comments on this forum will not sway her temptations of wanting to screw this guy's brains out. Perhaps she came on this forum seeking validation for this, didn't get what she came here for so left like the millions of others who post here. Like I said, she is probably gunna go out with him again and have condomless drunk sex. That is why it is up to the guy about to get married to draw the line and tell her that they can no longer hang out. If he doesn't, well this case will just be another case of infidelity and we will be reading yet another post about a girl who got pregnant by a married man. Another bastard child.

[michelle23]

This could all be in the OP,s head. He might have 0 interest in her and hopefully for his fiances sake hes not a cheating love rat.

[Wakeup]

If the op was a conniving wanna-be fiancé stealer than I'm sure the harshest comments on this forum will not sway her temptations of wanting to screw this guy's brains out. Perhaps she came on this forum seeking validation for this, didn't get what she came here for so left like the millions of others who post here. Like I said, she is probably gunna go out with him again and have condomless drunk sex. That is why it is up to the guy about to get married to draw the line and tell her that they can no longer hang out. If he doesn't, well this case will just be another case of infidelity and we will be reading yet another post about a girl who got pregnant by a married man. Another bastard child.

... and like I said, perhaps she'll back off after learning that her crush will get her no where except a skank title and loss of her friends if they find out she's trying to get with a guy they all know and they all know is engaged. I suspect that you may have had a different type of friends then what I have and have had, but I can tell you, none of them would be very pleased with her if she was their friends and she was to take this further. They all know her they will all judge her. It is up to Her to maintain her own personal boundaries and back away before she wrecks her obvious low self-esteem even worse. If she doesn't well then her case will be another case where she comes back in here and cries because all her friends have left her and he won't commit to her because he's getting married to someone else and wouldn't want to make a life partner out of someone who would stoop so low to cuckhold another woman.. whats the female version of a cuckhold? Cunthold?

[IndiReloaded]

LOL, I'm trying to imagine Churchill using a word like 'cunthold'. He probably would have if he had thought of it.

[Rowen]

Honestly, BC, it's not always the cheater who keeps controlling the situation and keeps it going. Ever see Fatal Attraction? Ever read Cujo by Stephen King? Both have prime examples, and if you're looking for a real life one, I can definitely give you one. I once encountered a woman who had led her boyfriend to believe she was faithful when she had a six month relationship with another man behind his back. In the end, when she eventually got tired of just having the extra relationship (and did not feel guilty, mind you), she tried ending it with the guy. When she told him, he was furious and black mailed her into still having sex with him, even though she was only keeping her boyfriend for convenience.

So, I can recognize your side, but I'm agreeing to disagree so this shit circle ends.
All I'm saying is not everyone is the picture perfect saint we'd like them to be.

[bcgirl]

I never said that the mistress is always "picture perfect". As I stated previously, for a person to enter into a relationship with a married that person must have some sort of mental deviancy. But take for example Fatal Attraction where Glenn Close is obviously a nut. Michael Douglas initially couldn't keep his dick in his pants and thought a one time quickie will get him satisfied, his wife will never know, end of story. Quite frankly, Michael Douglas got what he deserved when messing with infidelity. Too bad most mistresses out there aren't as whack as glenn close. Which just causes the cheater to keep getting away with it over and over and over.
Ya know, if one of my mistresses in the past woulda black mailed me, I woulda stopped cheating on my ex instantly. I probably would have regretted it and told myself it wasn't worth it. Never happened so I kept cheating. Sometimes cheaters need a very good lesson like a Glen Close to make them really wish they never entered that territory. This why Michael Douglas ended up loving and appreciating his wife more at the end of the movie, I'm sure he wouldn't have if Glen Close was just a passive personality allowing Michael to use her as a blow up doll whenever it's convenient (like many cheaters out there do, thus why they tend to prey on vulnerable, naive and insecure types).