This girl is haunting me-how to progress?

[Chillaxer]

OK. Will try to be concise. I've never felt like this, and it is based on one meetings and only seeing her in the same sports activity since. Every time her prescence is there everything stops for me. Our first conversation is lodged in my head and I can't think of other girls, they are all so mundane in comparison. I've been around for over thirty years and never felt this way, even though I could go out and probably find someone to take home/stay in touch with, it'd mean nothing.
I'm getting the things that people describe in love-songs make me think of her, want to protect her, think of a future together etc, not wanting to be apart and concern for what happens to her. Can't help this reaction. She has this mysterious way that is haunting me. She's the same age as me and maybe quite aloof, ambition focused with her sports etc. It does interest me that women so near their biological clock ticking can be so aloof generally, one woman I know says this is defensiveness because she is like it. But anyway she doesn;t seem like the relationship type girl, more on freinds and her ambitions. Some might say it's odd to go ona first conversation but what do you do if someone seems precious and makes you feel things you haven't? I want to know what her psyche might be. She's abroad and working here. I've actually started to hope she doesn;t go home quite badly. I get this electricity about her. I know it sounds more like young love but I never had that. This is what makes me think there may be something special between us. Problem is she goes there with training buddies, training and is focused. It's very hard to re-establish the contact again. I've had some freindly signs one time and a look that was serious another, don't know whether that was desire or telling me to not look, hard to tell. I saw her smile while I looked at her in the poll one time.
She really has something on me that seems to sustain. How do I move it on, or even maybe-do something romantic or that shows how much our meeting meant to me?

[Ann S]

You are making up an entire story in your mind! You don't even know this woman! And, if you don't make the first move and invite her to coffee, or something, you will just live in your story and create chapters like, "What If I Said Something to Her - How Would it have Been?" or, "I'll Never Know if I Missed My True Love."
The kind of thinking you are doing is torture. Give yourself a break. Find out.....be courageous.....make a move!!!! And it's way too early to be romantic! Ann

[HeartIsAching]

What you're feeling right now is infatuation. Basic simple physical attraction, nothing more. Go ask her out. You can't win if you don't play.

[Chillaxer]

You are making up an entire story in your mind! You don't even know this woman! And, if you don't make the first move and invite her to coffee, or something, you will just live in your story and create chapters like, "What If I Said Something to Her - How Would it have Been?" or, "I'll Never Know if I Missed My True Love."
The kind of thinking you are doing is torture. Give yourself a break. Find out.....be courageous.....make a move!!!! And it's way too early to be romantic! Ann

It is torture yeah. And I know there's more substantial relationships, based on reality, yet I've had them and they meant nothing. I know the feelings I had talking to her were different, yes it's romantic but what would the world be without that. It's not based on sexual attraction, there's tons of women I have that for, this is something more of a mystery. It's annoying to hear becasue it just seems like why not make the move, and I'm not really that shy, when I need to do it, it's just the case that here the sitaution is very hard, the context is a hard way to do it, cos it's only at the pool I see her when she trains, and she's with buddies then and focused. I must hope to see her in the bar. I am an attractive enough guy with options but they are not the same as her.

[Ann S]

You see her at the pool with her pals. Great! Can you get to be friends with her group? Can you talk about their swimming? What are you doing at the pool? Training? Is that a common thread?
Or, as corny as it might sound, maybe slip her a note inviting her for a drink or for coffee?
I think there is a deeper question here, though. You said, " there's more substantial relationships, based on reality, yet I've had them and they meant nothing." What happened with these relaionships and WHY did they mean nothing? Do you get into relationships and then discover you're bored or that the girl isn't what you thought? If so, you are back in a dynamic that doesn't work for you....imagination, making up stories etc., based on an ideal, not a real person! Ann

[captainkolak]

My advice is to not give in to the strong feelings. Definitely make a move if appropriate but remember to keep it toned down. If you go overboard (and/or too quickly) you'll just scare her away, and hurt yourself even more (in that you'll dig yourself a deeper emotional hole).

[meloveulongtime]

SOMEone is in loooooooooooooooooooove, or maybe so LUST! It's normal to have these feeling, especially in the beginning stage. How old are you anyway? Have you dated a lot or had any long term/serious relationships in the past?

[Chillaxer]

You see her at the pool with her pals. Great! Can you get to be friends with her group? Can you talk about their swimming? What are you doing at the pool? Training? Is that a common thread?
Or, as corny as it might sound, maybe slip her a note inviting her for a drink or for coffee?
I think there is a deeper question here, though. You said, " there's more substantial relationships, based on reality, yet I've had them and they meant nothing." What happened with these relaionships and WHY did they mean nothing? Do you get into relationships and then discover you're bored or that the girl isn't what you thought? If so, you are back in a dynamic that doesn't work for you....imagination, making up stories etc., based on an ideal, not a real person! Ann

Not really, only a casual/bad swimmer, she swum internationally and is an athlete. I didn't stalk that, btw people seem to know and and some other girl at the pool/sauna told me. I only saw her once at the bar, and was going to do something but then her mate was there. We had quite a long conversation the first time we met, about places we liked, and we exchanged names, but then a long while went and it's awkward to do the recalling/not recalling balance right. The previous relationships meant nothing because I've never loved and have just had experimental relationships, maybe gaining sexual experience. I've never found someone I'm that bothered about, or I've had pride in. It felt beautiful when we talked. She makes me feel awoken, like I want to get myself together. And like she's got what has been lacking in others.
She has this thing in her that seems to connect to my dreams and life. It's not so much strong emotions in a direct way, it's more potent and cerebral and mysterious, just keeps coming back to me.

It is sort of not pragmatic, it'd moreso to 'play available options', but in no rush for kids etc. And it could be seen as ridiculously romantic but haven;t been able to help it at times. I can get quite a lot of control over emotions, throughout my life, and can do now, plus can be very happy alone and introvert, but somehow even after shutting it out little things come back to me again when I'm in a lower mood. This hasn;t happened with other women, only to think about sex. Whereas her I'm thinking about teenage type stuff like seeing her off at the airport.
And I get this vague worry for her going past her fertility, not being appreciated by a man, how wrong it's be. And whilst at times can be controlled, other times feel an anxiety she will leave too.