Pleasr help, this man confuses me!!

[chloe90]

Hi everyone! I'm after some opinions on a situation I am in with a guy I know and work with.

We met in October last year when I started working for the same company as him. We clicked right away although he was a lot more into me and chased me at first.We started seeing each other and things were amazing for a few weeks, we'd just hang out and talk for hours or go for drives to the beach and took things really nice and slow. Anyway, things fell apart about 2 months ago and we stopped seeing each other. During this time I acted really needy and made things worse as I still liked him.

Since then I'm feeling a lot better. It's been tough because I never stopped caring about him and we see each other every day at work and we've been friendly throughout all this which has made things easier.Thing is, lately he's been really confusing me the last couple of weeks. He's heen paying me more attention at work, coming through the reception where I work (he works out the back) and stopping to chat to me. He stopped doing this when things fell apart with us. And he just does things like he used to before when things were good. Like complimenting me a lot in person and via texts. He's texted me first a couple of times out of the blue when before I would text first or not hear from him at all. And on wednesday night we were texting and i mentioned that i had a sudden urge to go to the zoo and the next day at work he gave me this cuddly monkey toy for no reason other than I'd said I wanted to go to the zoo so he thought he'd "bring the zoo to me".

Thing is, he's acting in this way but when we've discussed us he hasn't said anything about wanting to try us again. In fact he says things like "You're a really special person and I'm a d*ck for not doing anything about it" and that he doesn't want to get hurt or hurt me. When I asked if he thought we'd ever have our chance one day he said "Well in my opinion u shouldnt rule anything out lol"

I just don't get it. If he's not interested then why is he acting like this with me? I know he's the type of man who hates emotional talks and will avoid them at all costs usually so when he does open up and talk about us it's rare, and even though he's apologised for the way he treated me before he's not the kind of man who could ever say "I was wrong I want another chance" and I think the more I push for him to open up and give us another go, the more reluctant he is? I would appreciate your thoughts on this as I really like this guy and he makes me feel special, I just don't know what is going on with him! Sorry this is so long and thank you all for reading xx

[smackie9]

So I see you are back at it with him again. If he is the type that won't discuss any part of his intentions or feelings, you have to make a decision right now....can you accept this 100% and never complain about it ever again? You will never be able to change that about him ever. Think about it, this will be the way things are right now if you were in a relationship...can you handle it? or will this make it continually frustrating? This is an ugly flaw that most would not tolerate. Probably the reason he avoids relationships and has failed ones.

[pcmaster]

You both just have to talk alot. Not just emotions but anything and everthing random. It looks like hes becoming useless because hes getting too atracted to you.

Words like Special and Dick makes me think hes putting you above himself. Bassicaly hes having more special feeling for you than he have for himself. Which will lead to lack of action thinking that whatever he is and do is not good enought for that godness pussy of yours.

What you have to do is give him a ton of compliments about every little thing he does or is. The fact that he did apologise shows that hes too soft already. Only women can do something like that to real man.

When you start picking up girl its easy because you dont like her too much yet. So its not a big deal if you fail and she dont like you.
But once you start to really like girl everything becames super importand and you afraid not to make it perfect.



You have to take leading role sometimes too if you wana help him.

[smackie9]

Read her old posts....that might give you more insight as to what this guy is like.

[chloe90]

We've talked about the past and I'm cool with what happened now even though it took a while for us to talk about it so I see your point smackie9, but all blokes are evasive when it comes to matters of the heart aren't they! And my approach has often been too intense, considering we weren't in a relationship or anything exclusive.

I don't wanna go in too strong again. I don't often compliment him and I want to hold back a bit as he already knows I'm crazy about him. I've told him I still like him this week and he's only said un encouraging things. But then he does things like give me compliments, gives me the cuddly toy and generally be around me more at work when he doesn't need to (we work in totally different departments) I just get a different vibe from him, that's why I think there's a chance for us.

[pcmaster]

For me it looks like he is trying again.

Only this - "Dont wana hurt you thing" might be exactly where pain will come from.

[chloe90]

But if that's the case then why whenever we talk about it and I make my intentions known, does he say the same old thing? I think I'm gonna leave it for a while as we kind of just happened before. I think I'm pushing him away with these types of conversation and not letting him lead - which is what it was like before and he was a lot more open with his feelings and thoughts back then

[bearz]

Perhaps you have to be more blunt, don't push your self onto him, but ask him what he wants and why he does these things. If he can't give you an answer that satisfies you, then tell him to stop it because it's messing with your head and you can't keep doing this. In other words, he needs to shit or get off the pot.

[pcmaster]

Agree that conversations like - how about us, what will happen to us etc. is pushing away(always catching ofguard).
What actually might help is real action like physical lead and asking out on date and so on. One date could be all that needs to have a new start or end.

[smackie9]

We've talked about the past and I'm cool with what happened now even though it took a while for us to talk about it so I see your point smackie9, but all blokes are evasive when it comes to matters of the heart aren't they!

No actually. I've been with plenty that express how they feel about me with ease.