all is fair...?

[relationsHelp]

I'm kind of seeing a woman, but it's very early on. We have only gone on two official dates but we have talked a lot and we both have similar preferences in sex. Our first date was before she went on vacation for a week. While she was on vacation she slept with a guy, and I'm not upset about that because at that point we were only one date in, right? And to be honest about it while she was gone I did some hooking up of my own. I thought I'd just kinda let her go, but she contacted me and wanted to go out again. When we go out we have a great time, and I think I'd like to have her as a girlfriend. Yes, I know, the hooking up would have to stop, but that goes for her too.

At the close of date number two, I asked her where we stood because I told her I wanted to be in a relationship with her but I didn't want to force it. She agreed, and said she wanted to be in a relationship too but that we needed a few more dates to feel each other out and really get to know each other. All that is fine in my book, we're both old enough to know what we want and to know ya just can't force a relationship and expect it to actually work.

But my question is the following, and requires some speculation. I don't think she knows that I know she hooked up on vacation, but it's pretty obvious. She posted couple pics to her own facebook, which I saw and figured they had hooked up. But also, on date number two one of her friends slipped and said it outright. So when I asked her about us, I get a kinda wait-and-see response, and again, I don't mind that she hooked up on vacation but I'm confused by her inconsistency. She had no problem having sex with some random guy who was frankly just a good time to her, so is she making me wait because maybe she really respects me and wants a real relationship...or is she just playing games...keeping me around as date insurance? We are both pretty comfortable sexually, but suddenly she's being more reserved than I would have expected. On date number 2 we stayed up until 5am and cuddled under a blanket, so I can't say she's being a tease yet but is her going slow a good, get to know you because I really like you thing or a cruel cock tease thing?

[HeartIsAching]

Vacation hook up? Most likely meaningless. Taking it slow with someone at home? Probably a good sign.

[relationsHelp]

Makes sense to me. Last night we got pretty drunk, so I didn't want to drive home. She let me sleep on the couch and I thanked her for not making me drive home but also said I didn't want to make things weird. She said it would have been weird if I had insisted on sleeping in her bed (she has a small apartment which is basically her bed and her couch only.) So are there other cues I can infer here? After a night of drinking we went back to her place and played Jeopardy on her Wii, then wanted to watch a show called The Tudors on netflix. I hadn't heard of it before, but it's a pretty steamy show, but by that point it was probably 4:30 or 5am and we were both tired but clearly that was her communication of *something*

I'm not a player, or maybe you think I am but my point is that I typically have women in bed on the 1st or 2nd date, and I'm not judging her but I figured she would be about the same. Again, I'm not pissed off at her...that's stupid and hypocritical. I'm just confused. I don't want to sound arrogant but I've had long term relationships and short term ones and it's always the same...sexytime comes around fast. More speculation, but could this be driven by guilt on her part?

[lamobatsman]

Vacation hook up? Most likely meaningless. Taking it slow with someone at home? Probably a good sign.

disagree!!

shes happy to sleep with a guy she barely knows so quickly but she has been on several dates with you and she knows you really like her more than for sex and that you respect her yet she wont sleep with you. its got BS written all over this. she aint into you i think

[relationsHelp]

disagree!!

shes happy to sleep with a guy she barely knows so quickly but she has been on several dates with you and she knows you really like her more than for sex and that you respect her yet she wont sleep with you. its got BS written all over this. she aint into you i think

I wouldn't disagree, however she's very inconsistent. Once I saw the pictures on Facebook, I had written her off. Yah, call me a hypocrite. But my hook ups are at least potential relationships, not obvious meaningless sex. When you're early in the dating game doesn't everyone keep their options open? But I stress that after her vacation SHE CONTACTED ME to go out again, not the other way around. Why would you contact someone for a date, go on said date until 5am, have me back to her house, give me weed and then watch a steamy show with me? And after date #2, she told me to call her, soon, and we would keep going out. She's already told me she's willing for a third date. Other than a few drinks or maybe a dinner, it isn't like I'm throwing money around (nor would I at this point) so unless she's literally using me for that...?

Here's the thing...I'm already not thinking she is long term relationship material. Here's why, and it isn't sex at all. Even with the vaca hookup. While I was sitting around waiting for her to wake up I checked out her bookshelf. She has a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy book that is well worn, which means she has an eating disorder. And she also has an Alcoholics Anonymous book. My ex wife is an alcoholic with an eating disorder and went through all the same therapy, so I know what this is and that's a huge deal breaker for me. But if we can sleep together for a while, hey that's OK with me. Why should I feel the least bit bad about that...she does the same thing, and could very well be doing the same thing to me.

[HeartIsAching]

Why? Because she's recognized problems and is taking steps to deal with them?

[relationsHelp]

This all unfolded over the last week and a half, so if she has recognized problems it is a very recent thing.

[HeartIsAching]

You said the book was well-worn.

[relationsHelp]

HeartIsAching, I thought you meant problems with her sex life, not problems with an ED or alcoholism. There is a chance she wants to do it right with me, so I can accept that. I'm unclear on that though because if it were because I'm such an awesome guy why'd she sleep with some random guy after we had initially met? (Granted, only one date, but still.) In short, it isn't a relationship if I'm faithful to her but she's screwing whoever whenever. I thought we were just in for a **** buddy situation, but I am wondering if she's no longer OK with that. Maybe I should just ask her on date #3 if she is seeing other people?