When you want your husband's sister's man

[LadyInRed]

You are unhappy in your marriage. You see this man as the answer to your problems-hes not. If it wasn't him you are obsessing over it would be someone else. Your looking for an escape from reality. You are infatuated by him. That is all. You felt that way about your husband when you first met him too. You need to focus on fixing your marriage and ask your husband to go for counselling.

Why is your marriage so rocky?

You can read another post I wrote about a month ago, soon after I had to move out from our place. I didn't know whether it was worth still trying or not. The other thing too, Is that I don't think it is just infatuation. I know a lot of other men that have wanted me, none that aren't worthwhile but I never cared for any of them in that way and they are still my friends. This guy is like almost my tailor made match. We like the same things, we are in the same field of work, we both expect the same things in a relationship and have very similar personalities and sense of humour, but I know I can't do anything about that, I just don't know how to spend time with him and look him in the face when I feel like this.

Also neither one of us is married, but we both have relationships that we handle and call marriages. I call my partner my husband and he calls me his wife, the same for the other man

[VincenzoG91]

Still doesn't make it right to cheat. Why don't you try handling one complex emotional situation at a time? Break up with your guy, because that relationship is clearly going to fail anyway. Then see if the other guy is really willing to leave his girlfriend for you. Maybe he will. And then maybe you will discover that he was so much more interesting when he was unavailable.

[bcgirl]

If you've been so unhappily married in your relationship with your husband and have tried the marriage counselling etc. why not file for divorce? Get that process rolling and then you can go off and have your single fun. Cheating on your husband is not fair. As for your sister's man, well this will just turn out into a huge mess. Do you have any children? If so, can you not picture how twisted the situation can get?? Why would you be so selfish to put the kids through that? If you don't have children, well then the divorce process should go smoothly and you should file ASAP.
Besides, realistically speaking and when all the smoke and mirrors, rainbows and butterflies disappear... Would you really want a man who has cheated on his wife? If he has the character to do this to his wife, who's to say he you can ever trust that he won't cheat on you?

[PradaChanel]

Hey, I don't think you quite understand what I am asking. A) Me and my husband are still together just things are hanging on by a thread and I love my husband very much B) I don't want any approval to do anything because I don't want to do anything C) We only kissed once. D) I am asking for advice to get over him, because I can't stop thinking of him and how to go on normal because I see him all the time and do I tell him how I feel? He doesn't know how I feel. He thinks I just kissed him in the moment because he kissed me.

I also just wanted help in understanding what I am feeling. You make it sound like I am horrible person, when I am actually a really good person that unfortunately is feeling something that I shouldn't and unfortunately I cannot help it

No you can help it. Your thinking with your p**** and not your head. Its nothing but lust and I dont need to read the book to know the story. Theres nothing you can say to convince me that anything is right about this. If you dont want your husband leave him but dont fool around with someones elses. Especially not him. I cant believe Im explaining this to a grown woman who apparenly knws its not right because if you didnt you wouldnt be trying to find a way to justify it.

[bcgirl]

Whatever way you want to try to justify cheating, it ain't right. Period. How would you feel if your husband cheated on you? How would you like it if your husband cheated on you with one of your close girlfriends to boot? C'mon, this whole cheating thing will never be right which angle you try looking at it from. Infactuation and crushes happen. When something like a kiss happens, it's normal to become carried away given the fact that the romance is gone from your current marriage and you are desperate to feel passion again. But everyone on this board have given you advice that you stop this non-sense right now. Listen to this advice. If you are so strung that your sis's man is your soulmate then both of you file for divorce and if it was meant to be you two will end up together in the end of it.

[michelle23]

I dont believe that its anymore than infatuation. Her grass looks greener and you want a piece. But hes perfectly happy where he is and even if he did leave her for you-he would most likely regret it.

So what if you have a lot in common. You could have those things in common with ten million other people. it doesn't mean anything. You can be compatible with thousands of people emotionally, sexually, intellectually.. there is no such thing as a soul mate or any of that other crap.

Relationships take work and no matter who you are with-the excitement eventually wears off, you go through rough patches, theres times where your unhappy etc. You are not immune to anything no matter who you choose to be with.

After reading your story-I think the best thing you can do is get a divorce if your husband wont get relationship counselling and you can eventually start dating again.

Forget about this man. it is just a delusion and a fantasy. Your looking at him through rose tinted glasses coz compared to your husband he seems like the best thing since slide bread but he is taken so you have to forget about him.

[Rowen]

LadyInRed, just run away....far, far away....kind of like Simba.

You need to avoid him as much as you can if you're trying to get over him. He's bad news to be around if you even want to save your marriage. And the distance will eventually make being around him bland. All the magic will be removed if you can get some distance from him.

[LadyInRed]

Ok. Thank you. I have thought about it. I know it is wrong and I won't do anything further. I think I am going to leave my partner and move on.

[Valixy]

The simple fact that he is your brother in law should stop you. There is right and wrong in life and no one is above it. You just can't hurt so many people for 'feeling for someone'. It isn't right and it never will be. You will feel awful for cheating on your husband, hurting his sister and the rest of his family. If you don't have the morals to feel wrong because of this, people will try to make sure you will. Do you really want to be a such a big disappointment to so many people? Many of your friends won't approve and judge you. The pain and loneliness that you feel now when your marriage isn't working can't compare to the shame, guilt and exclusion that you're condemning yourself to if you won't stop.

Can you save your marriage? Good. You can't save it? Separate and be a free woman again who'll have the chance to meet a free man that corresponds to her. One thing is breaking up with someone and another one is breaking everyone's trust, being a home wreker and turning against you a whole family and life time friends. You can end up being a stranger in your own land. The consequences are tremendous and will drastically change all your life without possibility of ever repairing the damage you've done to yourself and the others. You will long for things to be how they used to but there will be no turning back because too many people won't forgive you. This should be enough for you to start getting some self control and stop seeing your brother in law as a potential partner.

It feels right to you because you have feelings for him and many things in common, but it isn't right. He is your partner's sister's man and there are boundaried in life that should not be trespassed. In order for things to be right, it's not enough for us to pretend they are, they really have to fulfill some basic fair requirements or they'll end up turning against us causing more unhappiness than we can handle.