Starnique, are you like 19? Eat glass you cunt.
Jedimaster, after 8 years, this shit won't change. Please come back and update us on your progress, or more likely, the lack thereof.
So helpful appreciate it man..
You probably won't be able to appreciate it until you're an exhausted, shell of a man(moreso than you are now), and you realize that trying to make someone love you won't work.
I agree with the last part, I can't make her love me... .I'm not a shell of a man by any stretch. I'm cool in my own skin... if it's not going to work then I can move on sadly as I have a 6 year old from her.
With women there is no on off switch. It's all emotional and an up hill climb. Things like the need to feel apprieciated, public affection, mental connection is needed for women. It's normal for things to become "unpassionate", so you have to find other ways to be satisfied, like role playing, watch a porn together, outdoor sex, fun weekend trips, etc. But it hard to feel sexy when raising kids, washing cloths, cooking, working, shoping and cleaning. We all get caught up in our day to day responsabilities. You may have tried to talk to her on some level about it, but you didn't deal with it 7 years ago. You should have worked on it then and possible counseling for it. So this isn't ALL ON her. It takes two to repair a marriage. It's good that she is making an effort to exercise because that does really help with mental health, and sexual interest. So don't just stand there with your arms folded "waiting" to see if she comes around. You need to be supportive and proactive with her.....work as a team. If you keep this "it's all her problem" attitude, you may as well ask for a separation.
I have tried, I have talked to her, I have tried to appeal to here on many levels! I am super supportive of her, I've read more than enough "expert advice" colums, I've been the active one in this for years. I have said "you and me lets go get dinner!" lets goto a play , lets do something for us.. not just all about the kids. I have been proactive! I have told her 1000x you're beautiful! I've done more chores around the house than most men combined, trying to appeal to her! I'm super supportive of her.. I've tried...
you know what the more i type this I defend myself, and I feel like why? I've been the one that has said "lets go talk to someone" lets do this or that.. I do everything I can for her! I've gone above and beyond.. now I'm just getting pissed! LOL
j
Sometimes simple little gestures are worth a lot more than doing something around the house or taking her to some place. I'm not saying don't do this because I'm sure she appreciates it. What she probably needs is more simple and basic physical affection, like holding her hand every once in a while, being close to her, giving her a hug, etc.
bearz, I do ... simple things, I try to show her in the most subtle ways that she's the world to me. That I love her more than anything... but if she's not feeling it, I guess I'm wasting my life.
j
Why not suggest couples counseling...you haven't metioned that. If she refuses then what choice do you have but to ask for a separation. If you are both unhappy then there is no reason to exist in a marriage.
Our every day routines can take a toll on our home life, particularly our relationships. Whether it’s working overtime, tending to your children’s every need, or dealing with a work commute that’s way too long, the hustle and bustle drains us of energy, leading to lack of connection and intimacy. This is no way to live. We must bring spirit and life into our relationships or they will fizzle.
One suggestion I have as a relationship expert is simple - communicate. Have you told her you want a kiss? Does she not like kissing? Is it technique or does she not feel attractive or into it? Only way to know what's really going on is to state your needs and not assume she knows your needs. Be honest. If nothing changes seek outside help. If she's opposed to that maybe she isn't as invested in your relationship. She should want to work on the intimacy as much as you do.
I've brought it up a thousand times... I don't get it. Simple things of life matter the most, and evidently we're on 2 different pages. I believe she's not that into the relationship, and now our relationship is definatly changing.. its been 10 years almost that we've been together. Now, I fear we're going to come to the part where she's going to end up venturing out.. just my feeling.. happened to me before.
I'm guessing over the next 3-6 months something will pop up and we'll be going our seperate ways. I pray not though..
j
IMHO it sounds like she has emotionally withdrawn from the relationship. You have gone above and beyond for her and she won't even try to meet you half way. You seem like a very warm person and a giver; while she seems cold, distant, and a taker.
Have an open discussion w/her and tell her exactly how you feel. If you let the relationship stay festering like this it will eat away at you. Don't forget you need to provide for your happiness as well.
You should talk to her if you love
Have you ever wondered how would it be to have insight in someone's text messages? I have been. My advice "Don't be jelous"