Drunken Hookup complications

[cosinco]

So I met this girl through work. We met a project site in a remote area and had plenty of time to get to know each other. The chemistry was great, but we were both in relationships so nothing happened. We still kept in touch and indicated to each other that, if we ever were not in relationships we should hang out. She lives about a 4 hr drive away from me.

Anyways, fast forward about 1.5 years to the present. I recently got out of a relationship and decided why not and invited her out. She, who was also now single, agreed and we met for a hike, drinks and dinner. The date went fantastic. We spent the whole time talking and the night ended with an innocent kiss. I immediately pinged her as “relationship material” and felt like taking it slow, steady and build something real and meaningful. We planned another date, which happened to be scheduled following weekend. She decided to take a bus and meet me in a city between us. She sent me the bus schedule and, oddly enough, the return trip wasn’t scheduled until the following day. I didn’t mention it.

So the second date went like the first. It was fun, the conversation was great and we were having a good time. I finally asked her when her bus was leaving and she told me she decided to get a hotel for the night because the schedules on the return trips were screwy. I said ok and didn’t mention anything else about it. We eventually stopped at the hotel and I parked my car there before heading out to eat. During dinner she invited me to stay the night. I said “maybe”. Of course, 3-4 beers later for each of us that maybe turned into ok. Ugh, I think I also drunkenly said some romantic things to her, but that’s a little fuzzy.

An alcohol fueled hookup ensued. I did not want to progress so quickly given my feelings for her, so there was conflict. I did have enough sense not to have sex with her – but we did just about everything else but that. I slept over and the next morning was ok, but there was a little bit of awkwardness mixed in. Not a lot, but a little. I dropped her off at the bus station and we went on our separate ways. She texted me when she got home and gave me a quick call to apologize that her cat ate a plant I had given her (long, unrelated story about the plant).

So yesterday I dropped her a note saying that I wanted to visit her at her home town (4 hrs away) for our next date. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think I put some weird pressure on her. The only reason why I suggested was because I wanted to save her money for coming to see me (bus + hotel). But in retrospect that’s a pretty big step I implied. Oops. She didn’t respond and we texted about unrelated things last night (she initiated). Today day she sent me a note saying that she didn’t feel ready to have me come visit yet and suggested other ideas for dates. I realized what was going on and immediately told her it’s cool. She responded by saying thank you for responding so quickly because she felt nervous after sending that email. I haven't responded/contacted her since.

So I might be overanalyzing here, but what is going on in a girls head given this information? I’m thinking she’s nervous that things were going too fast and was feeling pressured by my stupid date suggestion, which sucks because it was based on miscommunication. But given that, she got a hotel room and invited me to stay the night – what is the difference? I’m totally ok with taking things slow with her and want to put her mind at ease and that I have no expectations. So early, we should be having fun and not being nervous. Thoughts on making sure this doesn’t go south? My options appear to be:

1. Pretend nothing happened and just continue on with the occasional calls/texts/emails and just move on to the next date

2. Talk it out. Get on the phone and get it out in the open and make sure we’re on the same page.

3. Do not initiate contact for awhile. Create some space to let the dust settle, sort out feelings and then re-initiate after a week or 2.

I don’t know the female mind, so I don’t know what’s best. I kind like option 3, but I wonder if that might give off another weird mixed message so I’m not sure. FYI she’s 30 I’m 33.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't understand what is awkward here??

I also don't really understand what the hell you two are working at. You guys are hoping to start a long distance relationship? That kind of thing rarely works if you're not together before the split. I don't know where the awkwardness comes from and I don't know why you didn't just have sex with her. If you had, there would be no more arrangements to make as far as hotels and who is staying where. I don't know what the big deal is, other than her not wanting to be seen in her town with you...

Back off of her if you think you did something wrong, but otherwise I think just continue as is.

[basilandthyme]

I'm a woman and I have no idea what's going on. Perhaps she's not interested in a long distance relationship? 4 hours would be a total pain in the backside.

[bearz]

First you didn't have sex with her, even though it looked like she wanted to hook up with you. Then you want to visit her. It's not awkward, she's probably just confused and not sure what you want. So instead of having you visit her and telling her no again, she'd rather not deal with it at all.

[cosinco]

She told me she hasn’t slept in the same bed with someone in over a year since her last breakup. She told me this because she was worried that she would accidentally kick me out of her bed in her sleep. I really think things are moving fast for her.

BTW, her previous relationship was with a guy who lived in Europe haha. 4 hrs would be a breeze compared to that crap.

She’s kinda nerdy and uptight, but really hot which is absolutely awesome.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Right. Well, have fun with this. When I read your first post, I thought this was a dead end. After reading your second post, I am certain.

[bearz]

She told me this because she was worried that she would accidentally kick me out of her bed in her sleep.

That's one of the lamest excuses I've ever heard.

[basilandthyme]

BTW, her previous relationship was with a guy who lived in Europe haha. 4 hrs would be a breeze compared to that crap..

has she told you that 4 hours would be a breeze?

[smackie9]

My spidie senses are telling me she has a BF, even possibly living with someone and doesn't want you to come out there and find out.

[misombra]

I think you should slow it down. Be nice, be cool, don't takie it over the top, and see how it goes.


I think she likes you, but the situation is delicate and could go one way or the other.

I'm definitely curious.