He wants to "slow things down"...

[bearz]

What he wants isn't necessarily unreasonable - if it wasn't for the fact that now he's taking a step back from your relationship. You two moved in together way too early and he finally realized that that was a mistake. Now he wants to be able to have all the fun that he has been missing out on, but also still have you around. The question I have for you is: What do you think are his true intentions? What does he want to do and experience while he's not living together with you?

[michelle23]

Ya thats what worries me ^^ what bearz said. He could cheat on you. If it were me Id let him go and I wouldnt get back with him in six months time. Hes not ready to commit fully to you. You will save yourself a lot of heartbreak if you end it now.

Sure it will hurt for awhile (look up the five stages of grief when a relationship ends) youll get over him though and meet someone else who wants all the same things as you.

Next time move slower though. You should wait at least 2 or 3 years before living together when you are sure the honeymoon phase is over and are sure you are good together and want the same things.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Break up with him. This is all his way of pussyfooting around the truth, that he doesn't want to be with you.

[Courtneyleighhh]

I've decided that the best decision for both of us is to go our separate ways at the end of the semester. Now the only question remaining is timing. We have 4 more months left in our lease before the move. As for ending things before then, it's not an option. I can't afford our current lease on my own and regardless, he needs to stay in town to finish off the semester.

When should I break this news to him? I can't imagine how awkward the next few months living together would be with this hanging over heads...

[bearz]

I don't think it would be fair to him (and yourself) to keep this decision from him until the end of the semester. I would talk to him now and put all the cards on the table. Yes the next couple of months could be really awkward, but it could also open up an opportunity for him to be more open and honest with you because now you will be in the driver's seat, before it was him. It might totally catch him by surprise and he might re-think a lot of things.

[michelle23]

Just tell him straight "we want different things, your not happy and im not willing to be second best coz i deserve someone who is 100% committed to me. Im moving into the spare room, i want us to be friendly to each other until our lease is up and then we will go our seperate ways. You can focus on the single life while i focus on myself and what i want" and then start moving your stuff.

Just be honest. And then focus on your career and your friends.

You could also agree not to rub new dates in each others faces-that your both not allowed bring anyone back or even agree not to see anyone until you both move out.

[michelle23]

I no its hard but he is only staying and being all wishy washy out of guilt. He doesnt want a relationship so you need to do whats best for you and take the decision out of his hands.

Hopefully you can both be mature about it and not hurt each other in the next few months. You sound like you have your head screwed on so hopefully he can be just as decent as you in the coming months

best of luck to you xx

[Courtneyleighhh]

...Or should I try the long distance thing for a couple months and see if this is the space he needs?

I'm going back and forth a lot with this whole deal and can't seem to make a solid decision.

He seems to really want this to work but, understandably, is also wanting to get that feeling of independence. I appreciate his honesty.

I really care about him. I just don't want to be 'that girl' that clings to a relationship with a death grip until theres nothing left.

[michelle23]

He has already said he doesn't want to feel "married" which means the commitment is too much. Even if he lives miles away and you only see each other once a month he will still feel trapped because I think he secretly wants to meet other girls and see what else is out there. When someone says they want "freedom" Im almost 100% certain that is what they mean.

Breaking up with him will either make him realize how much he loves you and doesn't want the "greener grass" or it will make him realize that he is happy without you. Either way it needs to be done.

Its the only way for you to know for sure how committed he really is to you. If he really loves you and wants to marry you one day-he wont let you go without a fight. If he gives up easily-then you will know for sure and you can find someone else in time who is ready to commit 100% to you

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Michelle is right.

Right now, you are 'that girl' clinging to the relationship until there's nothing left. Break things off so he doesn't have you as a safety net.

[Maple1714]

Yep, Michelle is right. Your BF is trying to let you down easy. He cares about you of course and has an emotional bond with you, but he is ready to get out there and explore other relationship...the world..life! This is normal and I think very healthy. I always find it strange when I meet people who have never dated anyone else besides the person they are married to. Like my boss, he married when he was 19 and now he is 50...no other relationships. This is why I said before that you should look at this like a new start for yourself as well. Don't you think it might be fun to be single? Shit...I have been struggling with the idea of being single for a while now, but I don't want to break another heart...ugh. FML.

[stormdrain]

I understand your situation, as I am confronted with a -albeit rather different- variation of it. Even though I can not get my own mess straightened out, I will try to offer my opinion in hopes of betterment at your end.
His moving away is an excuse to leave behind the issues that come with most long-term, serious relationships. Instead of working on minimizing those issues by working through them, he simply wants to walk away and pursue what he feels are his own best interests. It does not seem that his love for you, if he has any, is strong enough to override his instinct to avoid attachment. And if this is the case, it likely never will be. So going on a break is fine, but don't expect anything good to come of it concerning this relationship.

[Courtneyleighhh]

Thanks for all the input and advice. This is just a hard reality to face. I mean I really feel like I'm losing my best friend.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You are. It sucks, but you'll live. If you've got half a brain, you'll find someone closer to your age who has already started establishing himself, rather than an easy 21 year old.

[michelle23]

Its hard but its for the best OP. And like I said already you have so much to look forward to-an amazing career Just put everything you have into that while you heal. There is someone else out there for you and its just not meant to be right now.

If you are meant to be-you will somehow find your way back to each other but you have to let him go now coz that is what he wants and you cant settle for someone who does not love you enough to forget the single life for you. You deserve more than that-a man who will give you his whole heart and not just a piece of it.

Best of luck to you xx