I feel so mixed up right now and don't understand it

[DepressedSad]

I know I don't wanna talk to my ex right now, but still I'm so depressed. I wonder "if I said anything to him, would I feel better?" but again, I don't even feel like talking or being around him, so that is what is so confusing to me. but I'm still curious what he's up to. I don't know what I really want. Or why I haven't felt like doing anything all day. I've just felt tired, anxious, depressed.. When will this stop?

Should I just talk to him in a casual way if it will help me to STOP thinking about him so much? I feel like the more energy I put into not talking to him, not being around him, the more frustrated I get and the more I end up thinking about him A LOT..

Another thing, he's the only person who even talks to me at all. The few other "friends" I have say they miss me, but never bother to chat or say a word to me for like a week or more. He's the only one who cares what I am doing... and I hate that, because he just ends up making me feel sad. but I do often think, if I don't talk to him, I have no social life at all right now.

I really don't know what to do.

I'm trying to follow the advice of not talking to him at all, and have been doing that but I just don't feel better.

[blueberrypie_s]

Don't go back talking to him. Keep your distance. Even though you will be tempted to go back because he is there, but don't because you will be stuck in that hole again. Sometimes I find that even casual talking right now would be too much and will give you a false sense of hope. Don't think bout him, use that energy to do other things, volunteer, do new stuff meet people make new friends and slowly you will forget him.

[DepressedSad]

Don't go back talking to him. Keep your distance. Even though you will be tempted to go back because he is there, but don't because you will be stuck in that hole again. Sometimes I find that even casual talking right now would be too much and will give you a false sense of hope. Don't think bout him, use that energy to do other things, volunteer, do new stuff meet people make new friends and slowly you will forget him.

Thanks for your response, true, I'm doing my best to keep my distance. He's tried talking to me, but I don't respond. it's just really hard at the moment while I feel pretty alone. I just wish this misery to end and to get my life and joy back again. It's been so long since I have had a day where I just feel happy to get up in the morning. Everything went down hill around November when I realized how empty I felt.

[Ann S]

You are having withdrawals. Withdrawals happen when we are used to a particular comfort, relationship, behavior, and then we can't do it or have it. Ever try a diet? Let's say you started a diet, and chocolate cake is NOT on your meal plan, but you think about it all the time because you LOVE chocolate cake, and for the past month, you've eaten chocolate cake every day! And you struggle with the memories of how good it was and ignore the bad things about it like it is high in fat and calories and has helped you gain 10 pounds in the last month. Right now you are focused on your ex because he was a habit. But something not so good must have happened in your relationship because now he is your, "EX." Focus on the not so good stuff, then divert yourself in other ways. Call your friends and go hang out. Exercise - it is fabulous for producing endorphins - those natural chemicals that help all of us feel great! Get out of the house and have some FUN! Ann

[michelle23]

look up the five stages of grief. What you are feeling right now is normal and you just need to stay strong, dont contact him and each day will get easier as you heal slowly. You need to try and stay busy. Listen to heavy metal crazy music to block out your own thoughts sometimes, meet friends or family, force yourself to go out even if its just for a walk, get a puppy, exercise, go dancing and surround yourself with positive people that can make you laugh.

You will get through this. Its normal to feel like pushing everyone away but try to pull these people closer. It will make it easier.