My partner of over 5 years and I decided to try for a baby. I fell pregnant and was ecstatic. 2 weeks after finding out, he still doesn't seem very happy about it?! I question him to find out that 18 months ago while I was volunteering abroad for a few months he had an affair with an ex work colleague. It lasted a few weeks and he ended it. Throughout last year he was guilt ridden but couldn't talk to anyone about it. Scared about us trying for a baby and with no one to talk too, he called her. An opportunity arose over Christmas so he visited her to talk to her. Inevitably they had sex. He wore a condom but it came off. He told her it was a mistake that he's not leaving me and they were not in contact.
Meanwhile we start looking to buy a house together and are still trying for a baby. A week before I tell him we're pregnant, she has phoned him up to say that she is pregnant and at 37 thinks it might be her only chance. She's keeping it but has no expectations from him.
Hence he had to tell me everything. For 2 weeks we talked everything over and over, I have to believe that what he's telling me now is the whole truth. I've come to Australia for a few weeks, I have a lot of family here and it was a holiday we'd booked together. Anyway I'm here without him, thinking about this mess.
I've had an abortion. I didn't see how I could deal with all this and be pregnant. He was scared that we wouldn't work and then he'd have two kids he wasn't truly involved with....at no point did I want to go it alone. I have strong feelings of regret but there is nothing I can do about it now.
He's told his family and close friends,he's seeing a counsellor. He hates himself and is full of guilt and shame. He loves me and is trying to sort himself so he can be the man I deserve. He and her are not in much contact, but the last time they spoke I was there and she is very determined to have this child. He doesn't know how it will work but he will want the kid to know his father and provide where he can.
I love him, I loved us, we were great together. We're 35 I saw our future together, really happy. I know this has changed, but I'm lost. I don't know what to do. Partly I see an opportunity, start a new life, leave London work abroad.....partly I see that we were so good that we can get through this.
I just need to talk about it and hear from people about their experiences and their advice.
Sorry for the long post x