I met up with my ex girlfriend on bank holiday Monday. Things had been a bit strange having broken up in January, then spent up to middle February trying to get her back and then not speaking to her until middle March after a period of no contact. It was quite clear there was still something between us and I'd missed her a lot. She said she missed me and one thing lead to another and we had sex.
We hadn't really properly discussed things or resolved anything so we met up last night. She explained that she felt I was trying to push her away that I didn't want to be with her anymore, this wasn't the case but I had been taken her for granted and I understood how she felt. She said my efforts to get her back surprised and confused her as she was sure I didn't want her from the way I behaved over Christmas.
She went back to University at the start of February following a productive meeting which made me think we would sort things out and she said that it wasn't about meeting new people or anything like that, and we promised we wouldn't sleep with anyone else. However, one Thursday we agreed to meet up the following weekend when she was coming home. Then on the Friday she told me she was now going to visit a friend instead. I'd been quite up and down the whole time she'd been away because she was going out a lot and I got a bit angry and cracked. This capitulated into me having quite a go at her and finished with me saying I couldn't speak to her anymore. As far as I was concerned it was over.
Because of the amount she had been out I'd assumed she was properly getting with guys, I didn't like this but it didn't bother me hugely. I felt that it would only be a problem if she slept with anyone. Well we talked last night, and she did sleep with someone. She slept with a guy she met on the Saturday after I told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore. She said she was very drunk and that it was the most awful experience. She said neither of them came because she'd started crying so they'd stopped. She also said that she hadn't done anything before that night and that she'd only got with a handful of guys afterwards which I'm ok with.
Now it's put me in a funny position, I thought we'd be able to make it up if neither of us had slept with anyone else. However I find myself feeling sorry for her more than angry at her for doing it. I know technically she hasn't done anything wrong, she was single and it felt to me then like it was truly over so I guess she was feeling the same. Also that it was so bad, she started crying, and that she feels so guilty about it makes me feel she really regrets doing it. It also explains why she has been so upset when we've talked a couple of times lately. On top of that, I have been thinking she's probably been sleeping with loads of guys, so in someways that it's only one is a relief...but there's a difference between thinking something and now knowing something.
It did keep me awake last night thinking about it. I hate the thought that another man has had his hands on her and she did break the last promise she made me.
Do you think I'd be a fool to consider going back to her? Do I have to sleep with someone to even it out? She's got exams coming up so we're going to talk about it more in a few weeks, but can I trust her while she's back at uni for the last few weeks? This was the only thing that I thought would stop us getting back together if it was what she wanted, but I feel strangely ok about it, I'm disappointed sure but not mad or angry. Is this the sort of thing that could end up bothering me down the line?