I wanna take my mind of her...:(

[DieselX]

i feel the same, the difference is that she never told me she doesn`t love me anymore, she said she still does a bit, but she is afraid not to fall in love with someone else and then hurt me...maybe if i`d knew she really doesn`t love or care about me at all, it would have been easier for me...

[Ann S]

Dear Overanxious: Everyone's desire to feel loved and part of something is natural.....but we have to figure out what we are becoming a part of BEFORE we become a part of it. Otherwise, we get ourselves into these nightmare relationships. I think it's great that you are giving yourself a break and just dating casually. You'll find her! Ann

[overanxious]

i do have a job here, but even so all i do while working is to think at her and only at her, without being able to stop it...

i cant tell you when it will end cause i have no idea....im still in it...its been 8 months

i still remember when we lived in my hometown...i worked a 3rd shift job which i made good money....mondays were my busiest days....sometimes i wouldnt be home till 4 am....she used to call tuesday mornings "terrible tuesdays" because i would be overtired and a bit grumpy....but there she was ...i would wake up to peanut butter pancakes, bacon, and coffee

its tough to remember when love was wild, intense, and special...and how theres nothing anymore....i know

its funny...i date casually....and usually girls that have things going for them...are independent....work hard.....something i sort of desired and my ex was nothing like....but i find it hard for our schedules to match for us to be able to do things and go places when id like....and at the same time i know these type of girls dont have the time to give the sort of attention i used to get...i guess i sort of crave a little bit of both worlds....its kind of crazy

i know how hard it is to stop thinking about it

[overanxious]

Dear Overanxious: Everyone's desire to feel loved and part of something is natural.....but we have to figure out what we are becoming a part of BEFORE we become a part of it. Otherwise, we get ourselves into these nightmare relationships. I think it's great that you are giving yourself a break and just dating casually. You'll find her! Ann

thanks ann

[overanxious]

the worst part about my ex...is true to her form...she couldnt end it maturely.....

im sure we both sensed the end was near and it wasnt working....but we both agreed to give it one more shot after a nightmare episode we had(although it wasnt that bad and basically a function of her selfishness).......but after that episode she started talking to someone else....i know there was never any meeting or physical appearance.....but she sort of went back and forth in her mind....like she didnt know what to do or was torn....some days she was great and over the top....other days it seemed like she was pulling away(although i didnt notice till i was gone)....eventually i blew up again on her because she couldnt give me what i needed and that was it....

i sort of figured out what had gone on since she moved on very quickly....she was setting up her next source of supply...and when i told her i knew she denied and denied....that hurt....she kept denying and said "i want you to be a part of my life".....but i said "wheres the loyalty and respect....i would have never thought to have done something like that....you want to be friends after something like that"?.....and she would sort of get quiet......its a shame because if it ended maturely i would have loved to remain friends...instead i got very angry....afterall i gave alot....

[Ann S]

So DieselX - you have gotten some really great feedback about how to deal with this problem....and I read your responses and all is see is the, "yes but," mind game. The, "yes but," mind game involves all of us coming up with wise feedback, and you responding with all the reasons why you can't take any of the suggestions! I hope you give this some thought, review the great, and wonderful input from all the contributors here, and decide if you want to make any changes to your thinking or situation, or if you want to stay in the same old, unproductive dynamic of lamenting your situation. Good Luck, Ann

[DieselX]

ok, maybe you are right Ann, but do you know how it feels to be ready to give your life for someone you love? i love her too much... But i just spoke with her, and i got a bit more details about our situation...first if all is the fights we`ve been trough, because they ware pretty hard, and the second one is that she just wanna go out, and have fun with someone, but i can`t give her that as long as i am not so close to her...now she found a guy...a guy whom she said she went to a walk and cinema...i respect her because she doesn`t lie to me, but i asked her what she feels for me, and she started crying...she also always messaged me even when we ware n the "break" she messaged me, to ask me how i am, because she says she cares about me, but i didn`t wanna tell her how i am...now about that guy i...eventually ended up by telling her that she should go with that guy, because he makes her happier than me, and she started crying again, and said "no"...i don`t know what to do...she asked for one more week, and...i gave it to her, but i don`t know...even if things go right, how would i bare the thought that some other guy makes her happy? how would i be able to be closer to her when it`s absolutely impossible for me? i just don`t know what to do...she also said she isn`t ready to give up on me, but she also doesn`t know if she should continue with me, because i kinda understand that she doesn`t trust me anymore, regarding the fights...i don`t know, now all that`s left to do is to talk to her next week, and to see what agreement we`ll come to then...

thank you all for your kind replies, and Overanxious, i`m really sorry for your situation, believe me, i really do feel your pain...have you tried to talk to her again? maybe things have changed?

[Ann S]

This sounds like you have a relationship addiction. You have given all your power away to this woman and you have become emotionally dependent on her. She is undecided, and you are riding the roller coaster of relationship addiction. She, by the way, can't commit to you because she is seeing someone else! And you gave her one more week? For what? to have her choose? Really, DieselX is this how you want your life to go? Don't you want a woman who says, DieselX, baby, YOU are the only one for me! Then you say, "even if things go right." Well, again, everything is up to her, and here you are in a situation with no ending. Google Dr. Steve Karpman's Drama Triangle - you are in the middle of it.

But there may be one very crucial thing that you left out......about all the fights! Will you say more about those? Ann

[overanxious]

ok, maybe you are right Ann, but do you know how it feels to be ready to give your life for someone you love? i love her too much... But i just spoke with her, and i got a bit more details about our situation...first if all is the fights we`ve been trough, because they ware pretty hard, and the second one is that she just wanna go out, and have fun with someone, but i can`t give her that as long as i am not so close to her...now she found a guy...a guy whom she said she went to a walk and cinema...i respect her because she doesn`t lie to me, but i asked her what she feels for me, and she started crying...she also always messaged me even when we ware n the "break" she messaged me, to ask me how i am, because she says she cares about me, but i didn`t wanna tell her how i am...now about that guy i...eventually ended up by telling her that she should go with that guy, because he makes her happier than me, and she started crying again, and said "no"...i don`t know what to do...she asked for one more week, and...i gave it to her, but i don`t know...even if things go right, how would i bare the thought that some other guy makes her happy? how would i be able to be closer to her when it`s absolutely impossible for me? i just don`t know what to do...she also said she isn`t ready to give up on me, but she also doesn`t know if she should continue with me, because i kinda understand that she doesn`t trust me anymore, regarding the fights...i don`t know, now all that`s left to do is to talk to her next week, and to see what agreement we`ll come to then...

thank you all for your kind replies, and Overanxious, i`m really sorry for your situation, believe me, i really do feel your pain...have you tried to talk to her again? maybe things have changed?

we will probably never talk again....she is a huge grudge holder(another trait of NPD)...especially since she knows I have her figured out(she even said after we broke up "i hate that you know me better than anyone...even my own family)......all i wanted was an apology...but i know ill never get that since she doesnt think she did anything wrong and has herslef out to be the victim....thats NPD...they are always the victim........i guess i hold out hope that one day shell message me somehow....maybe way down the road.....just to catch up....cause i really did love her...and wanted to be friends...but what she did...made it impossible for me to say "ya ok well lets be friends..its ok".....just a little shred of maturity would have made that possible....but when i figured her/it out and let her know that i did....that made it impossible for her to recognize what she did....and again...my reaction made her the "victim" once again when i was not pleased and let her know it...she said "i want to be friends and want you to be a part of my life"...and i said "you made that choice...what you did made that pretty impossible"....even though i know it wasnt a real choice....she just did what she wanted to and expected everything to fall in line.....like she does in life

[basilandthyme]

ok, maybe you are right Ann, but do you know how it feels to be ready to give your life for someone you love? i love her too much...

Diesel, I really hope this is a translation issue.....because in English, giving your life for someone means that you would die for them. With the exception of an act of heroism, this is an incredibly unhealthy state of mind. And nobody would be "ready" for an act of heroism. I suspect that neither Ann nor any other emotionally healthy person would be ready to die for someone else.

I sincerely hope that what you actually meant was that you were ready to promise your life to her.

[pcmaster]

ok, maybe you are right Ann, but do you know how it feels to be ready to give your life for someone you love? i love her too much...

Yeah its not healthy to die for someone but really love focused and thats cool.

Like parents would be ready to die for their kids, like soldiers are ready to die for their country, like teenagers will be ready to die for their girlfriends, like kids would be ready to die for their pets(no kid want to overlive his pet, thats the worst thing ever lol).