What do I do?

[peanut924]

My girlfriend's birthday was April 3rd and mine was April 6th. We decided to go out Saturday the 6th to jointly celebrate both birthdays. Earlier my children's mother asked if I could have dinner with them for my birthday. I said yes but didn't give them a date. They understandably assumed it would be the 6th, the day of my birthday. My daughter and I have a strained relationship. She is 29 and feels I ignored her and broke dates with her while she was growing up but I was working all the time. Still she was right because I did not spend the time with her I could have. I went to her when I discovered the mistake I'd made and asked if we could have the dinner on the following day, Sunday the 7th. She explained she had already switched a lot of her schedule to Sunday night to allow her to have dinner with me on Saturday. I told my girlfriend about the problem and asked her if we could cancel Saturday and go to dinner on Sunday to celebrate. Her response was "It's your birthday you can do want you want with it". She also said she would not have dinner with me on Sunday because she had things she had to do. Then on Sunday she got a call from her brother-in-law asking her to let him take her out that evening. Sunday. She told him yes. She did it without first asking me if I still wanted to go out for our birthday that day since it was now possible or telling him she already had a request from her boyfriend and had turned him down so it wouldn't be right to go out with him until she found out whether I still wanted to have dinner with her. She didn't care and went out with him and told me she also wouldn't explain to him what she had done. He had no idea she had turned down birthday dinner with her boyfriend to go out with him. She said she thought since we made plans to have the dinner the next weekend there was nothing wrong with her actions. The following weekend plans were based on her saying she was unable to go out Sunday night. If she wanted to go out with me Sunday night all she had to do was tell me she could. She knew that before she talked to her brother-in-law. By the way, in the past she has broken and canceled a few dates with me when they interfered with something she had to do with her daughter or her mother. Every single time I told her I understood and she was doing the right thing. Every time without exception. Her daughter and niece were supposed be there at the restaurant/club too and I have a nice relationship with them. When she told me about what she was going to do I asked her how, considering what she'd already said about not being able to go out Sunday but it then got even worse when she said, after telling me she was going out with him and I wasn't invited, "at least someone is taking me out for my birthday". She refused to go out with me and instead went out with someone else then says "at least someone is taking me out for my birthday". When she found out how mad I was by the news she did nothing to attempt to rectify the situation. She continued on with her plans knowing I'd be home alone while she was out celebrating her birthday with someone else. She also knew I was waiting up to hear from her that night. At 11:30 PM I got a text telling me she was just leaving the club and couldn't call when she got home and would talk to me the next day. What would you do if you were me? I know what I will do but I want to hear others' opinions too.

[thehappycamper]

She obviously was pissed because you made your daughter more important than her. She then made you pay for it with her actions. Leave her alone. She will hurt you even more

My girlfriend's birthday was April 3rd and mine was April 6th. We decided to go out Saturday the 6th to jointly celebrate both birthdays. Earlier my children's mother asked if I could have dinner with them for my birthday. I said yes but didn't give them a date. They understandably assumed it would be the 6th, the day of my birthday. My daughter and I have a strained relationship. She is 29 and feels I ignored her and broke dates with her while she was growing up but I was working all the time. Still she was right because I did not spend the time with i should have. I went to her when I discovered the mistake I'd made and asked if we could have the dinner on the following day, Sunday the 7th. She explained she had already switched a lot of her schedule to Sunday night to allow her to have dinner with me on Saturday. I told my girlfriend about the problem and asked her if we could cancel Saturday (my birthday) and go to dinner on Sunday. She told me it was my birthday and I could do whatever I wanted to do with it. She also said she would not have dinner with me on Sunday because she had things to do and put restrictions on us spending time together that weekend. Then on Sunday she got a call from her brother-in-law asking her to let him take her out that evening. Sunday. She told him yes. She did it without first asking me if I still wanted to go out for our birthday that day since it was now possible or telling him she already had a request from her boyfriend and had turned him down. She went out with him and told me she wouldn't explain to him what she had done in an effort to try and spend the evening with me. I believe had she told him he would have either tried to reschedule or told her to bring me along. My true belief is she was paying me back for Saturday. By the way she has broken and canceled dates with me when they interfered with something she had to do with her daughter. Every single time I told her I understood and she was doing the right thing. Every time without exception. Her daughter and niece were supposed be there too and I have a nice relationship with them. When she told me about what she was going to do I was hurt but it then got even worse when she said, after telling me she was going out with him and I wasn't invited, "at least someone is taking me out for my birthday". She refused to go out with me and instead went out with someone else then says "at least someone is taking me out for my birthday" Is this payback for breaking our date on Saturday? Am I wrong to think what she did was cruel and cold? When she found out how upset I was by the news she did nothing to attempt to rectify the situation. She continued on with her plans knowing I'd be home alone and upset while she was out celebrating her birthday with someone else. She also knew I was waiting up to hear from her that night. At 11:30 PM I got a text telling me she was just leaving the club and couldn't call when she got home and would talk to me the next day. What do I do?

[pcmaster]

Cool nickname Peanut ! Be a man Peanut !
It made me laught.

[peanut924]

What did you mean by "Be a man" and what made you laugh?

[pcmaster]

Just peanut seeems so unserious name. Cant imagine man hiding behind this name, thats whats funny.

No offense ofcourse. Peanut.

Alright I finaly read your post. So basicaly you merget two birtdays in one and she was looking forward to celebrate 6th but even that little thing went wrong. That made you a peanut in her eyes and since you put your family above her she did the same with her brother.

Obiously you hurt her, even worse it was your ex who called you on 6th and you went. Yes your dauther is more importand but you cant blame GF for choosing her brother afterwards cause he is family too.

It was dificult situation but at least you didnt scrool up with your dauther.

[kat82]

Is there a reason she couldn't go out to dinner with you & your daughter? I'm also curious as to why she would hang out with her brother-in-law....do they usually hang out?

I think her reaction was immature. I have known people who couldn't handle their significant others putting their children before them.

[Valixy]

If your family knew that you and your girlfriend had planned a joint celebration for your birthdays, I think they disrespected you both by insisting that you spent that evening with them. Even if they didn't know about this, your 29 years old daughter should have been a little bit more understanding and flexible and respect the fact that you were going to spend your birthday with your girlfriend, as it should be, and adjust to see you another day. You didn't only prioritise your daughter's plans over your birthday but over your girlfriend's birthday too and of course, your girlfriend wasn't pleased.

[peanut924]

Dear Valixy; thank you for your reply. My family did not know so there was no disrespect. They also didn't insist. I made the decision. I just couldn't tell my daughter that the father she felt had not been there for her and was trying to get closer to her would let her down again and tell her no dinner on his birthday after she'd rearranged her schedule to be with him. I'm sorry I left out some details in my earlier post. I was asked by my ex (we're separated and living on opposite sides of town) a few weeks ago if she and my 2 kids could take me to dinner for my birthday. I said yes. We're separated but still on friendly terms. It wasn't until three days before my birthday I was told the dinner with them was to be on my birthday. This was after my girlfriend and I had made plans for our joint dinner celebration on that same day. On my girlfriends' birthday I invited her over to my place, fixed her dinner and had cake and ice cream for her as a mini-celebration for her special day. She learned about my dilemma on her birthday but I said nothing about what I should do about it because I didn't know yet whether I would have to. The next day I asked my daughter if she could rearrange her plans and learned she couldn't. I gave my girlfriend a little while to think about it (she knew everything) and didn't even bring up the subject hoping she would come to me first. You see we had planned, prepped and packed for a trip last December. Two days before our trip my girlfriend's mother found out my girlfriend's sister, who was supposed to go to New York with her on a tour and Broadway show, canceled and her mother's money would be wasted. When my girlfriend came to me and explained the situation and wondered whether she could cancel our two day trip to go with her mother so her mother's money wouldn't be wasted, I said yes. Without any qualms, only support. Of course I was disappointed but I was not angry. We ended up never taking our trip. The weekend of our planned trip she went to New York with her mother. I stayed home. I was hoping to get the same compassion and understanding from her which is why I waited to give her time to think about it before I asked her to essentially do for me the same thing I'd done for her. She never came to me so I had to approach her. When I asked if we could change our Saturday date to Sunday is when all the bad stuff started happening. To get the response "it's your birthday you can do what you want with it" was wrong. I cancelled an entire weekend for her and her mother (and in reality her sister too) but she wasn't even asked to cancel, just reschedule.......to the next day.....and wouldn't. Her subsequent actions made it even worse. I'm pretty much over it now but damage has been done.

[thehappycamper]

Look at what happened. Wake up dude. She went out with someone. You never saw who it was. You couldn't go out with them even though he's just her brother-in-law and you're her boyfriend? Really? Check it out. She went with some man to a club. She left the club at 11:30 to go home but she wouldn't be able to call from her home. What kind of sense does that make? Huh? Who did she really go out with? Why was she leaving a club at 11:30 at night if she only went for dinner? How late does she eat? Did he go home with her and that's why she couldn't call when she got there? Did she go home with him? Did she text instead of call so whoever she was with wouldn't over hear a phone call with her boyfriend? She couldn't call when she got home because she was home? What kind of bullshit is that? Don't be an idiot. Smell the coffee, gringo. You've been had. She slept with him for her birthday.

[Valixy]

I suppose it was all a little bit uncomfortable since her daughter and her niece were also invited to your joint celebration and their arrangements were also being postponed while the ones your family made were respected.

I agree with you though that she could have at least tried to handle that situation better instead of making it worse. Going out Sunday night with her brother-in-law was unpleasant for you but nothing to worry about in my opinion. She was just trying to make you jealous, not the best move, but I seriously doubt she was interested in him or that anything happened except the fact that she wanted you to have that impression.

You could always try to make up to each other and have an intimate dinner somewhere nice soon or go away together for a weekend. There will be more birthdays anyway.

[peanut924]

We were the only two who were to have the birthday dinner together. No one else was invited. There were no arrangements made that included her daughter and niece for our celebration. The brother-in-law invited her daughter and his daughter (her niece) when he invited my girlfriend. He did not invite me as he does not know me and my girlfriend never let him know she had already been invited to dinner by me and had told me she couldn't go. We are going away for the weekend tomorrow.

[pcmaster]

Alright dude it was long time ago, move on, theres still tomorrow forget the sorrow. Why are you so stuck with that anyway?

[peanut924]

pcmaster if you read my posts I said I have moved on and let it go. I've been responding to others' posts to clear up misunderstandings. Felt it was the right thing to do.

[pcmaster]

Just think that you might miss present happenings while thinking about the recent past. Realtime life you know.

[Valixy]

Ok, thanks for clarifying. While I agree with her that not being treated as a priority by your boyfriend on his birthday can be unpleasant, especially if it was meant to be a joint celebration, but this is just me, I also think that she overreacted. Anyway, this leaves no doubts about the dinner with the brother-in-law or their intentions, I suppose, since her daughter and her niece were also invited. I don't think that you should be upset though that she didn't let him know about possible arrangements with you that night, after all you didn't tell your family either about the arrangements you had with her for a possible joint celebration on Saturday night. As you say the right thing to do is to leave this behind. Glad to know things between you two are getting better now.