I think I want to "turn it off". But how?

[bcgirl]

Op, u ain't an ugly dude. There are plenty of ugly guys scoring chicks. Girls don't like dating shorter men though, so you need to be finding girls who are the same height or shorter.

[Indestructible]

Op, u ain't an ugly dude. There are plenty of ugly guys scoring chicks. Girls don't like dating shorter men though, so you need to be finding girls who are the same height or shorter.

Well, like I said, it's not like I'm chasing after girls that tower over me, or anything like that.

I dunno. After having this week to let it all sort of "simmer", I'm not sure what I feel about anything anymore. I feel really confused, and I just don't even know what I want...

On one hand, there's a part of me that just doesn't want to let go of this last girl. I know that's crazy, and stupid, because I know there's absolutely no chance we'll ever get together (besides, we're really not even friends anymore), but man, she was just so much of what I'm looking for in a girl, and it kills me to know that I rarely find that. It kills me to know that my 20s are just going by, and I'm not getting to experience all the good stuff.

I know that meeting more people might facilitate me getting over this girl, but aside from the fact that I'm just not good at meeting people, I don't know that it would help any. I'm so hung up on this last girl that I don't think I could meet any other girls right now and not immediately write them off because they're not enough like her. Part of me does wish I could just find someone new, but I just can't see how that could be possible, and I'm still devastated by the fact that the one girl I've been into in about five years wasn't interested in me that way.

I just, I dunno. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do. I feel really conflicted, and confused, and I can't seem to think about much of anything else. In a way, I feel lost. Falling for this last girl gave me a direction, I felt like I was moving towards something, making progress towards something real, and ever since she turned me down, I feel like my future is back to being one big question mark. How am I supposed to just believe there's someone out there for me? How am I supposed to believe that I can find someone, and have a happy fulfilling relationship? My prospects have never been that great, to begin with; I finally thought things were turning around for me, when I fell for that last girl, but now I'm back to having nothing at all.

[bcgirl]

Well, like I said, it's not like I'm chasing after girls that tower over me, or anything like that.

I dunno. After having this week to let it all sort of "simmer", I'm not sure what I feel about anything anymore. I feel really confused, and I just don't even know what I want...

On one hand, there's a part of me that just doesn't want to let go of this last girl. I know that's crazy, and stupid, because I know there's absolutely no chance we'll ever get together (besides, we're really not even friends anymore), but man, she was just so much of what I'm looking for in a girl, and it kills me to know that I rarely find that. It kills me to know that my 20s are just going by, and I'm not getting to experience all the good stuff.

I know that meeting more people might facilitate me getting over this girl, but aside from the fact that I'm just not good at meeting people, I don't know that it would help any. I'm so hung up on this last girl that I don't think I could meet any other girls right now and not immediately write them off because they're not enough like her. Part of me does wish I could just find someone new, but I just can't see how that could be possible, and I'm still devastated by the fact that the one girl I've been into in about five years wasn't interested in me that way.

I just, I dunno. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do. I feel really conflicted, and confused, and I can't seem to think about much of anything else. In a way, I feel lost. Falling for this last girl gave me a direction, I felt like I was moving towards something, making progress towards something real, and ever since she turned me down, I feel like my future is back to being one big question mark. How am I supposed to just believe there's someone out there for me? How am I supposed to believe that I can find someone, and have a happy fulfilling relationship? My prospects have never been that great, to begin with; I finally thought things were turning around for me, when I fell for that last girl, but now I'm back to having nothing at all.

You had a crush, she didn't like you back this is a hard ego killer. Sh!t happens, it's life. Imagine someone in love, married for 20 years and getting a divorce feeling clueless in life and heartbroken. Pick up some hobbies, do something that will benefit you and your future. Focus on school or your career. Keep yourself busy so you don't dwell on some girl that was out of your league and wouldn't have worked out even if she was your gf

[Indestructible]

Pick up some hobbies, do something that will benefit you and your future. Focus on school or your career.

Well, I've been trying, and it hasn't helped much so far. I picked up a new hobby a little over a month ago that consumes a lot of my free time and I enjoy it, but even that's not enough. I still think about how lonely and alone I feel. Worse yet, I think these issues are causing me to perform poorly with this hobby, and I think they're even causing me to slip up in school. It's just constantly there, in the back of my mind, and any time I have any down time, it immediately jumps to the forefront, and I just feel bummed out.

It's just hard to go so long being in a sad, lonely, unhappy place, then see a glimmer of hope, only for that glimmer to disappear and spit me right back out into the sad, lonely, unhappy place I was in before. I've been alone my entire life. By the time I was 19 or 20, I convinced myself that that was the fate I was doomed to, being alone for the rest of my life. Then last year, I saw something better for myself, and it made me want it so badly. Heck, I overcome one of my biggest fears when I thought I had a chance with this girl, and prior to this, there was absolutely nothing that made me want to even think about overcoming that fear. But because of her, all of that stuff just melted away. I pushed myself so hard, and I really felt there was a connection, and just as quickly as it started, it ended. All the good happy feelings, the confidence, the "hope for the future", it all just went out the window.

It eats me up inside that it's all just gone now. I have nothing to work towards, now, I have nothing that I feel like I'm moving closer to anymore. My only real choice is to convince myself all over again that there is no hope, no light at the end of the tunnel, no happy ending for me. But after seeing that glimmer of hope last year, I don't WANT to have to convince myself of that again. But at the same time, it would be better for me to convince myself that again, because it's the truth. Any time I believe otherwise, it only leads to disappointment, and I just don't think I can take any more disappointment.

Keep yourself busy so you don't dwell on some girl that was out of your league and wouldn't have worked out even if she was your gf

So, by "out of my league", I'm assuming you're agreeing with my notion of being "not good enough"? I'm not asking that in an accusatory/ hostile way, I just want to make sure I'm understanding you correctly. It really sucks to just be "not good enough". I wish I didn't have to live that way...

[Woods]

You're so hung up on this girl but honestly, isn't you're idea of a perfect girl one that is actually into you as well? If she wasn't then she can't have really been all that great can she?

You sound quite fussy. Being in your 20's isn't about waiting around for the perfect girl and then allowing your whole world to crash around you because it didn't work out. It's about finding what's out there by dating around, having fun and giving people a chance to show you what they've got. Unrequited love sucks, we've all been there, but you're not helping yourself by writing off the idea that you'll never meet anyone else when you're just 24. Stop wallowing and get a grip, man! :-)

[Indestructible]

You're so hung up on this girl but honestly, isn't you're idea of a perfect girl one that is actually into you as well? If she wasn't then she can't have really been all that great can she?

Well, I mean, that's a "quality" that should go without saying, heh. I'm just talking about personality and characteristics. Like I said, I feel the need to have to "hold back" on my personality towards a vast majority of the people I meet and get to know. The degree at which I "hold back" kind of varies. Ideally, I wouldn't have to "hold back" at all for a girl I'd be involved with. It just doesn't seem like there are very many girls I don't have to "hold back" for, and of the ones out there, they end up being into other guys that have qualities I can't compete with.

You sound quite fussy. Being in your 20's isn't about waiting around for the perfect girl and then allowing your whole world to crash around you because it didn't work out. It's about finding what's out there by dating around, having fun and giving people a chance to show you what they've got.

I never really know what's meant by "having fun" when used in this context. I mean, "playing the field" doesn't sound very fun to me, personally, especially because I don't feel like there's much of a "field" for me to "play". "Fun", to me, in terms of dating, would be finding a best friend that I could be so much more with. I dunno, that's just how my mind operates. It's not so much about looking for "perfection"; again, when it comes down to it, it's usually about how much I feel I have to "hold back" from a person, which is usually determined by how well we get along and whatnot.

The only reason "perfection" is sort of stuck in this discussion is because I really feel like this last girl is about as close to "perfect" as I could've hoped for. I mean, what are the odds that I'll find another girl that has all the same qualities that attracted me to her? And even if I do, what are the odds she'll be any more into me than this last girl was? It's like, once you've seen the closest you'll get to "perfection", anything else just seems unappealing. I feel like anything less would be "settling", and now that I've seen the best possible match for me, I don't want to "settle" and be with someone that doesn't have the same qualities. Does that make sense?

[Woods]

When I say 'fun', in this context, I don't mean necessarily sleeping around. It can take time to find someone special, so why not have fun meeting different people and learning what you do/don't want in a person. Don't get completely and utterly jaded because one girl isn't into you.

The above doesn't really matter though, because the bottom line is you've got this girl on a pedestal. She's not the only girl who's ever going to like you for who you are. Like I say, 'the best possible match' would be someone who is into you, too. But if you're determined to give this girl that title then you're cutting out other opportunities.

[meloveulongtime]

It's both good and bad you were able to experience a deep emotional connection with someone. Sad to admit but it usually, always, takes experiencing both the worse and best of both worlds to truly understand and identify the difference and what you want for your next relationship.

[IndiReloaded]

Dude, you and LR need to start the Pity Party business. Both of you are fine, handsome young men. Go forth and find fine, cute young women who will appreciate you. Quickly (and I do mean quickly) move on from anyone who doesn't meet your standards.

You guys fall so hard and fast. Sometimes, rarely, lightning strikes but in general it's unhealthy to wear your heart on your sleeve like this. Your partner need to *reciprocate* those feelings before doing the deep dive, guys.

[bcgirl]

You will be able to fall for another girl someday. Usually with pretty girls, they can be picky. Let me ask you, was this girl you are so hung up on pretty? Cause I betcha if she looked like Rosie o'donnel with a great personality you wouldn't ever be even thinking about her. And with pretty girls, there is competition. I know a guy never had a girlfriend. He is a good lookin guy too, but damn was he picky. He only wanted to date Victoria secret models. Anything lesser than a 9.5 he will not even look at. Guess what, those victoria secret look-alikes will never give him the time of day. They can score a millionaire with a Ferrari and big biceps than a poor guy with a regular job still living at home. No surprise he is in his nearing mid 30's and never had a gf.

[Indestructible]

Let me ask you, was this girl you are so hung up on pretty? Cause I betcha if she looked like Rosie o'donnel with a great personality you wouldn't ever be even thinking about her.

Eh, not really. I mean, I find/ found her physically attractive after I fell for her, and she's not bad looking, but she's not some super hot bombshell by any means. I honestly don't care much about looks, I'm more drawn to personality.

[bcgirl]

So why did she reject you? Have a bf? U r not her type?

[Indestructible]

I have no idea. I mean, at the time, she gave me a reason, but it had nothing to do with me, so it was probably just a buffer. She's dated two other coworkers, though (one of which being her current boyfriend), and I don't really get it. Both guys are the "douchey" frat boy type, and when me and her were hitting it off last year, she and I would even occasionally joke about how lame guys like that are. Bugs me a lot that she'd still want to date them over me.

[bcgirl]

^ she is dating 2 guys at once? And you are so hung up on this chick? She sounds as much of a douche as those frat boys that are okay with sharing their girlfriend. Lol. Anyways, maybe she f#ck those frat boys but wouldn't want a serious relationship with them. But even if this is the case, would you really want a girl who doesn't wanna get serious? How many guys at once is she bangin if you only know of 2? Forget her, there are way better girls out there...and the point about the whole subconsciously seeking out your mother type...hmm... Maybe I wasn't so off

[Indestructible]

No, I didn't mean she's dating two guys at once. She dated one a while back (before I even liked her), and they broke up because he was seeing another girl at the time. I don't know when exactly that took place, as I didn't even know they ever dated until late last year. I just know they were done with before I was into her. Then I asked her out, and she turned me down. I overheard a few months ago that she was dating someone, but I never knew anything more than that, and I was content with being completely oblivious. Then last week, I found out it was this other coworker (well, technically, he doesn't work with us anymore, but she and I both worked with him for a long time).

It bothered me a lot more that she dated that first guy but wouldn't date me, because he's always been a VERY obvious "player" type and even she knew that (so it bugged me that she'd give him a chance and not me). This current guy isn't so bad that way, I guess, but he's still fairly immature to the point where I just don't get it. What's worse is, she must be pretty serious with this guy now, because he lives, like, two hours away (and to my knowledge, she started dating him AFTER he moved that far), so that's sort of a semi-long distance relationship thing they're going on. I'd imagine you'd have to be pretty serious with someone to tolerate a 2+ hour distance like that...