Break for school

[as555]

Hi im new to the forums and i decided to make a post because i dont know anywhere else to go.

Ok to give the background, i have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, im 21 she is 20. We have told each other we will be together forever and plan on marriage when we settle down more. We hang out everyday, literally, both work and go to college.

Now the issue is that yesterday she told me she wants to take a break. Now the reason she says she wants to take a break is because earlier that day she said her professor told her she is failing class. She says she has a lot of work for class coming up and i am on her mind too much so she needs to make this relationship end temporarily. She promises that we will get back together and once things settle down and her finals are over with. She says there is no hidden agenda planned for her but i dont know. It will only be a month we would have our break, but the longest ive been without seeing her is a week in our whole 3 years of being together. It was only yesterday and i miss her so much already. i know to give her space and not call her and text her, if she wants to text me ok, but i wont bother her. Today she gives me a text saying, i love you don't forget it, ill see you in May. I know hanging out everyday is a little unhealthy but thats a huge change for me to not see her for a month.

So i ask from anyone, give it to me straight, i know not every relationship is the same but id like to know my chances. My life is built around her and i dont know what to do if she really wants to break up for sure. Im not a very stable person and i dont know what to do but if there is any hope of this relationship continuing i will hang on to because its my very life i have planned around.

Anything is appreciated, thank you

[lamobatsman]

honestly. move on. its dead. find another girl. when a girl says i need a break its over

[Ann S]

I agree with bamobatsman. And you two are so young to decide on an long term relationship. And let's look at YOUR dependency needs. You say you are not very stable. Exactly what do you mean? Are you emotionally dependent on your GF? When one' identity is so intertwined with another person, that will be a very painful relationship because YOU look to her for your security and, "OKness." Those things have to come from within, not from without. I encourage you to go find some hobbies that you enjoy, learn something new, read some fascinating books, exercise! Ann

[as555]

Well, me and her really only hang out with each other, we do rely on each other a little too much. I'm not really stable as a human being, drug addict, depression though, been clean for 2 years now. But the thing is we planned a 3 day vacation right after my finals, we both took off. She told me right after school is done with this semester, well get to go on our vacation and said not to be sad because of our break. I dont even talk to other girls but she told me during the break i could talk to them, but would make her a little jealous, but she also said i shouldnt date or make it public that we broke up and that she wont either. She told me i shouldnt take off my facebook status as relationship. She deleted her FB not too long ago. She told me that mentally she needs to know we broke up because she thinks about me during school too much and if we break up she can focus on school. I dont know how its planning to go because its only been a days but i need to prepare myself. I know we are too young to "know ourselves" but ive been through hell and back with her.
i just dont know why if she is hiding something, she cant tell me the truth. So you guys think that she is hiding something, like she doesnt love me anymore but wont tell me, or there is someone else but its not the truth that she is telling me?

[Valixy]

Failing the class is a pretty serious and stressing thing but I agree with you that she didn't handle the situation with you in the best way. She was probably overwhelmed by the possibility of having to repeat the course eventually and her choice of words for you was very unfortunate. Why didn't she simply ask for some time, being that a month to concentrate on her studies instead of ''ending the relationship'' for a month? Maybe because she's only 20 and needs to learn to confront her personal circumstances better when they interfere with your relationship and also to learn to communicate better. You could try to show more strength and maturity than her on this and give her the time she needs, it's only a month after all and trying to avoid not failing the class, while letting her know that you simply see this as 30 days of intense study she needs and not your relationship ending for a month.

Many couples who study and work have this problem and decide to give each other some time during the week on a regular basis. Just because you couldn't see each other every day it wouldn't mean that you wouldn't love each other. Just be patient and strong this month, try to keep yourself entertained and hopefully she'll pass her exams and everything will be back to normal.

While being totally centred on your partner is not the best thing, I'm sure you'll make other friendhips too in time that will increase your confidence and enrich your life. You've come a long way in becoming a stronger person than you used to be and this says a lot about you.

[as555]

Thats why im wondering why she didnt ask for some time instead of a break, her reply was she needs to know this relationship has ended for her to focus, she tells me all the time when she is studying, all she thinks about is me and how she cant wait to see me, and if we are together and see each other once a week she will be thinking about the weekend still. I personally dont understand how her thought for that works, but i will wait for her. I really appreciate your though into this instead of assuming that shes breaking up with me. I will take your advice, ill be patient and strong for a month, if by then she was lying and still doesnt want to be with me, well i guess ill see what happens. but i got a feeling that i wont be completely destroyed and relapse.
You all have to understand though, she is the reason why i live, why i have done better with myself, she stuck with me when i was broke and getting high , she was there for me when i needed someone the most, i owe her my life, i will wait for her for rest of my life if i have to, and i have to respect what she wants and needs and leave her alone through it all. I thank you all so much for your opinions and have taken them all of them into consideration.

[pcmaster]

Just fuel up your life man. Doesnt matter you gona come back togerher or not after a month its best not to thing about it. FINALY you have time for yourself ! It will be crazy to think about her and not to use it.

You said you been addicted to drugs. Why dont you try protein? At just 21 year of age theres should be decent results. Hit the gym talk with a trainer get nice training programm and eating plan. Without sex results gona be even better so you really lucky to have break from her.

However she send you a text that means she thinks of you and want you to be alright. Prove that you are stable alone. And she will be even more atracted to you cause girls are atracted to guys who wants them not needs them. If you use the time smart then you will be even better than before and she will go totaly nuts for you. For a moment your partner is away so turn that love against yourself, dont waste it.

If you feel emotionaly empty then consider church, counselling etc. Spiritual exercises.

Take care of body and mind !

God bless.

[Valixy]

I can only think of the same thing as I thought before, she is doing this because she's only 20 and trying to keep study and work and a relationship happy in the same time is always difficult and especially at her and your age. She must have been very affected by the possibility of failing the course and she is reacting desperately as if her life would depend on it and in some way it does. ''Breaking up'' with you is just a personal mental strategy that does the trick for her and helps her to dedicate 100% to studies and this is because she hasn't developed more psychological resources yet. She could have kept that to herself though or formulate eveything differently. But she does love you and she has proved this to you numerous times. Be strong and trust her, you'll soon be together again, but never ever let your entire happiness depend on someone, life just doesn't work that way

[Ann S]

You've been clean for 2 years???? Congratulations!!!! I hope you go to AA or NA and get some support for your recovery. This will really help you, and they have young people's meetings.

I don't know if she is hiding something, but I think that YOU need to focus on yourself. You can do it!!!!! You can Google AA/NA in your area and get yourself there. Go see a psychiatrist about your depression.....depression is a brain chemistry issue that medication can help, and it might clear up some of your confusion. Good Luck, I wish you well. Ann