Originally Posted by
Maximus89
Hello all
I've just had a very weird break-up and I'd like your advice.
We've been together for 1.5 years, and we were growing apart. That brought a vicious circle of irritation, me paying less attention, her being more easily annoyed, paying less attention to me, which lead to me being more rude, etc.
The reason the tension was high lately was because she felt neglected and shut herself off, and I was too busy getting pissed at the fact that she was shutting me off because I was trying. We ended up having less and less to talk about, knowing nothing about each other's lives, and sitting on the couch together like far acquaintainces. And finally, she broke it off because he felt I never payed attention to her, never listened, and showed little interest and respect. Which is a pretty harsh accusation. The listening part is true, I'm not the best listener. But the frustrating part is, I really genuinely love her, want to know her, want to know what's going on in her life, and want to listen, but when I try to show it to her we either get into a fight or something goes wrong. But when she already broke it off, she gave me tons of reasons how I could do it better, and how to actually talk about her feelings and how to actually show I care. Now I tried a few of those things with her (we were good friends for 5 years before the relationship and still are trying to be friends) and I actually get her to open up a bit and talk. But this somehow gives me hope. Because the whole thing was that she felt that I neglected her, didn't show her I loved her, and didn't show interest or respect. All of which I wanted to show because I have lots of love respect and interest for and in her. So now I found a way to show it, I get a glimpse of hope that if she sees I have a different approach and actually can EXPRESS the things I feel and think towards her she'll take me back. Our whole problem was communication, and I think I've found a way to solve it. Do you think I'm just in denial, and should leave hope? Because I still want to treat her the same way, I always have interest in her life and if I can treat her the way I always wanted to, even as a friend, I think I'd be content, but I really want her as a girlfriend/life partner/even maybe wife, because I really do love her and there's never been a better partner for me.
Please think along, I really have trouble organising myself and my feelings.
Cheers