Feell so stupid

[lonely blue]

Hi, I joined this forum as I had to get something out of my system. I am nearly 60 and looked after elderly retlatives most of my life. I did work full time and am no shrinking violet but when I was let on my own - I thought that was it. Anyway I joined a Chat site and a chap contacted me and much to my amazement he lived in the same county. He was divorced , three years older than me , has three adults children - one who lives with him. He said he didnt want a relationship and that suited me as I was still really raw from bereavement. We messaged and eventually phoned and he was keen to meet up for a coffee. I went which was incredibly out of my comfort zone. He is a really nice , hardworking chap but the kids (as he calls them) are his first and only priority. He works horrible hours so meeting up is limited to once a week for a meal. He really pushed and kept asking if I liked him, what I saw him in and if I liked being with him. He came to my house and I have been to his. It was so nice to have someone pay you compliments and my self esteem really picked up. Here we are about 8 months on and his daughter went on holiday so he asked me over . I really didnt enjoy the short stay - all the compliments have stopped and he didnt seem bothered if I was there or not. He had a really dreadful divorce and told me at the start that the 'kids' were older and he would like some of his own company. When I got home I was so upset so next day when he phoned I told him so. He said that he couldnt see more of me because the kids came first and their mother had deserted them and he didnt intend to do the same ! I wasnt looking for that at all. He said to me at one point if he got hurt again he would really go off the rails but he has done the hurting. He waits on the 24 year old girl that lives with him hand and foot. She has a good job but none of them wash a dish. I really thought this was going somewhere but I think I better kick over the traces. I feel so hurt and basically, stupid. I told a few close friends I had met someone and now I wish I had kept quiet. I know I was terribly lonely when I lost my Dad but I try and keep busy . He was the one who kept insisting we met and encouraged me . So that is the tale of woe, thank you for listening.

[pcmaster]

Yep looks like romantic part is over. Strangely 24 year old girl gets more attention than you. You should look for new adventure.

[dem862]

Well, he said he didn't want a relationship. It sounds like staying in the same house for a week may have been too much. People get set in their ways. Maybe just give him some space and see if he comes back around. You sound a little jealous of his children too. Did you try to make him choose between you and his children? He might perceive that as too much too soon. If you have changed your mind and you now want a relationship, this fellow doesn't sound like the one for you.

[lonely blue]

It was actually only an overnight stay and no way have I ever tried to make him choose between me or his family. I value my independence . I think the problem lays in the divorce and how awful it was. He made all the running - I feel like the song 'Out of reach'. I think at the end of the day you are right - he doesnt sound the the one for me. Its tough and it hurts but thats life I suppose. I tend to feel to deeply and I sure did get swept away.