I slept with his friend, he wants to get even, bad idea?

[Wakeup]

And I have to be fair here, in the past few weeks, he had really been nicer than ever before, even spending time with me and my mom, he did change a lot in the past couple of months, and even if he was choosing to be with the other one right now, he was having doubts, thinking she might just be an illusion while we were having great moments here in reality. He is angry I am ending our last week on such a bad note, when it was going so well and he was good to me, cause even if it wasn't going to happen now, maybe it would have later, who knows, but now it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

You should just do what he says. You appear to be his sexual sub so be a good sub and do what he tells you. 0.o

You're not going to leave this man no matter what anyone here tries to tell you about whats really going on in his manipulative mind so just do what you have to do to keep screwing him and he you. It is what it is. You'll need a goodly amount of personal therapy to ever be able to rehab from him.

[michelle23]

doormats......... *sigh*

Im just going to tell you what you want to hear OP.

One day hell all of a sudden realize that he loves you, needs you and will die without you as your like air to him. Hell marry you, commit his whole life to you and be faithful to you. Hang in there until that day comes. Who knows? Maybe his dick wont fall off in the meantime and he wont give you herpes

[checkmate]

You're not going to leave this man no matter what anyone here tries to tell you about whats really going on in his manipulative mind so just do what you have to do to keep screwing him and he you. It is what it is. You'll need a goodly amount of personal therapy to ever be able to rehab from him.

I started counseling after my depression. It helped a lot, but I need a lot more! At least I realize that much. Now I don't want to leave, he's the only one who makes me feel something. We've got that connection. Sexual sub? Yes, you could say that. I can leave, no problem, it's when he comes back that I can't resist. This is why it is good that I did this, to break it. So he leaves me out of spite and in the mean time, I finally convince myself once and for all. Now even that would seem easy, if I didn't work with him and see him everyday. I might have to change jobs.

One day hell all of a sudden realize that he loves you, needs you and will die without you as your like air to him. Hell marry you, commit his whole life to you and be faithful to you. Hang in there until that day comes.

Does that only happen in the movies?? haha! Yes, that's what I want. But it won't happen, i'm afraid. He blames my way of life (being a bit wreckless, destructive (when I'm sad) and head in the clouds) for not wanting to get involved with me. I know he loves me deep down, I'm the only one who's always there in his life, who he opens himself to, who understands him and who he talks about his fears and dreams, who he's 100% himself with...We never gets enough of each other's company, especially recently. But no, I am not "perfect" either, which is what he thinks he needs in a partner, in order for him to become a better person. I thought I'd try to show him we can both be ourselves. It was working, but I freaked out. I tested the thing by sleeping with his friend, I didn't know it would hurt him, but I knew it would get us detached. But I regret it. You are right when you say we are unhealthy. Both of us have a lot to learn.

[checkmate]

It's sad to give up on someone you love because they are trouble. Unfortunately love is a game for him and he has to win. I have no choice but to give up this time, or else, especially after this, he'll make me miserable. Also, I will refuse the making even. It's ridiculous and devious. I don't care if he forgives me or not, I am not playing his games anymore. There are better guys out there...I'll sort myself out and we'll see what happens...Thanks for the feedback...

[Wakeup]

I started counseling after my depression. It helped a lot, but I need a lot more! At least I realize that much. Now I don't want to leave, he's the only one who makes me feel something. We've got that connection. Sexual sub? Yes, you could say that. I can leave, no problem, it's when he comes back that I can't resist. This is why it is good that I did this, to break it. So he leaves me out of spite and in the mean time, I finally convince myself once and for all. Now even that would seem easy, if I didn't work with him and see him everyday. I might have to change jobs.

A good (or perhaps horrific) example of codependent/addictive thinking at it's finest. Do the mental work you need to do to be satisfied with him just doing you when it suits him. He'll be back when things get routine with the new girl and he needs some new relationship energy which you'll gladly lay down and give him once again when he's in town because you're psychologically addicted to the push/pull abuse this man has put you through. If he never comes back to town, you'll still be hooked and emotionally unavailable to any other man unless you get the therapy you need to rehab from your addictions to him.
What you feel, what the two of you "have" is anything but love. It's a perpetual state of psychological limerence which leaves you feeling tortured and depressed.

Meh! With any luck he'll stay away long enough for you to go through the withdrawl and then you'll be able to tell him to leave you alone for good or you'd have the strength to just ignore any contact.

Look after yourself.

[Starnique]

Girl, you come off as being real ho'ish. But Im not going to trash talk you because I know several girls that does the same things because you want to do what you want to do. I have did some really silly mess trying to get back at my Ex. I would never sleep with his friends though like he woudnt mess with mine. So its no big deal until times like this when you want to be taken serious. So remember that.

[Wakeup]

Op: You might benefit from reading Howard Halpern's book "How to break Your Addiction To A Person." While you pine away for him.

[Starnique]

Thanks. I need to read that.

[checkmate]

Girl, you come off as being real ho'ish. But Im not going to trash talk you because I know several girls that does the same things because you want to do what you want to do. I have did some really silly mess trying to get back at my Ex. I would never sleep with his friends though like he woudnt mess with mine. So its no big deal until times like this when you want to be taken serious. So remember that.

Real ho'ish! haha! Yes, I do realize I have a serious problem with sex. I enjoy it, I use it as a defense mechanism, to not care, to show I care, or that I don't care, as a way to prove I am desirable, in control, I don't know what else... I need to figure it out in order to stop these destructive patterns. That's one thing he's blaming me for, which he is right on. I sleep around too much and kinda got morally confused along the way.

And thanks for the book reference!

I just wrote to him, that I refuse the conditions, this couldn't be further from what love is, from forgiveness, it's pointless. I have issues but I want better out of life, I want to be better than that. He says "it's goodbye then". I guess it's over, he's some stubborn one. I wouldn't be suprised if he never comes back this time, cause he's the one who was hurt. It's probably better like this, like you all say!!

[IndiReloaded]

He says "it's goodbye then". I guess it's over,

Yes it is and now you know his true lack of feelings for you. If he loved you, he's never say this^.

Hold your head high and know you deserve better than him. He's a turd you just flushed... wipe your mental ass and think no more of it.

[michelle23]

OP you say hes 100%himself with you? Its all an act. Hell be whatever he wants to be in order to get what he wants. I bet hes a diff person to everyone, tells people what they want to hear etc. Hes a taker, a user, selfish, its ALL about him and if you have any respect for yourself you wont open ur legs for him again.

He is toxic and the first step to healing emotionally and if you want your counselling to be a success-you need to cut him from your life completely.

Kick him out, get a new room mate or else move out and start looking for a new job. Do it for yourself and the much brighter future you will have with a better man.

[checkmate]

I want to thank all of you for taking the time to answer me, and for your insightful feedback. I have started reading "Women who love too much", by Robin Norwood. I recognized a lot of myself in the situations she presents and I am going to go get some counselling, as now I feel I have very personal issues, which lead me to stay in this situation where my needs are not met. It's not the first time either. Perhaps something will happen with him, perhaps not, but it doesn't matter. Thank you for your help. I was just trying to get an outside opinion, but as it turns out, it might change my life!

[Valixy]

Good luck, checkmate! Be patient with yourself, help yourself stand up when it happens to fall again, be consistent and keep your hopes alive!
We all have our own fight on our individual journey...