What to do....

[xilulus]

Been dating my girlfriend for the past year. She has always been extremely faithful and loving and caring, always being proactive in doing things for me. I think she has some abandonment issues since her parents divorced after her dad abused and cheated on her mom. And she doesn't have a ton of experience with relationships.

Back to today...

In the past week and a half, my girlfriend has had dinner with, gone rock climbing with, and tried to set up a lunch with a single guy friend of hers. Without telling me. The first time, she told me off handedly days afterwards that she caught up and had dinner with him, so I thought it was not a big deal. However, when she went rock climbing with him, she told me she was going to "workout" and disappeared for 2 hours. When she came back, she said "actually I went rock climbing with friends" and later when I asked who she went with, she admitted it was this same guy and a friend of his and that they also tried to set up lunch earlier in the week. She proceeded to apologize profusely and said she's just friends with him, she doesn't like him, etc and cried all night. I can't tell if she's lying or what. Am I over reacting?

[Boisdevie]

She proceeded to apologize profusely and said she's just friends with him, she doesn't like him

Just so much bullsh1t. If she doesn't like him why does she spend time with him?
She cried - to stop you hassling her about it.
Are you over-reacting? No, she's not exactly behaving like a faithful, loving or caring girlfriend is she?

[Ann S]

I agree with Boisdevie. You are not over reacting, she is not acting like a devoted girlfriend, she isn't being truthful. I'd end the relationship. She broke the foundations necessary for a trusting relatioship. Ann

[TablesandChairs]

Have you, maybe without meaning to, taken advantage of her 'abandonment' issues and neglected to really share the load of the relationship (ie: have you left everything for her to do simply because you knew she would?). People grow out of their issues sometimes and find that the way they had been doing things no longer makes them happy...she may have a thing for this other guy or it might be nothing but either way, she seems to want to branch out in some way.

You have to talk to her some more.

[xilulus]

Have you, maybe without meaning to, taken advantage of her 'abandonment' issues and neglected to really share the load of the relationship

Quite possibly. Work usually drains me both emotionally and physically, and she is usually the one that's picking up the slack in terms of getting stuff done in the relationship. She's never given me any sign she resents this though, and seems to enjoy it. Work has gotten especially bad lately, and I think i've been taking some of the stuff she's been doing for me for granted though.

[juraiknight]

Have you, maybe without meaning to, taken advantage of her 'abandonment' issues and neglected to really share the load of the relationship (ie: have you left everything for her to do simply because you knew she would?). People grow out of their issues sometimes and find that the way they had been doing things no longer makes them happy...she may have a thing for this other guy or it might be nothing but either way, she seems to want to branch out in some way.

You have to talk to her some more.

I'm in the same boat as TablesandChairs. I'm a firm believer that people (women and men) do things for a reason. People just don't go off and cheat or do whatever because they just decided it was a good idea one morning after their bowl of corn flakes, unless they have underlying issues, like being a sociopath. I actually had a serious girlfriend whom had abandonment issues, but because she was put up for adoption at a young age and, from what I understood, didn't have the best life with her foster parents. I took no weight into her life and her issues, and continued my life habits without taking that into account. My school work and tendency to go "lone wolf" made her believe I wasn't interested in her anymore, for whatever reason, and she ended up leaving me for a slightly older army rent-a-cop she knew from work. Honestly it sounds like she's done something, maybe not necessarily cheating, that she's afraid to unveil. This "friend" of hers, possibly has quick answers to the questions or walls she may be experiencing in her own head that you yourself are not seeing, and so she goes directly to that. Tough to say though man, but it sounds very similar to what I went through.

[pcmaster]

Looks like shes been ****ing around with this guy just to find out hes not into her got heartbroken and run back to ya.

Or shes been ****ing around with him but after sex felt guilty and run back to ya feeling guilty that she risked what you both have.

Anyway she did lack some adventure for sure and in the future you have to be more careful and dont cheat on her with work cause work dont deserve most of your energy or time.

loveforum.net/threads/78863-Are-you-living-YOUR-life