Unrequited love, I need advice

[Mudman1st]

First of all, I'm new here, so please be nice

I've hopelessly fallen for a close female friend of mine. Problem is, she's been dating my best mate for 3 years (who's at another school). I'm in Year 12 and being in a grade of only around 30 people who fit in a small eating area easily it's very hard to avoid her. Coming home most days I end up feeling pretty depressed and empty, partly because its my best mate that has her heart and partly because she calls me her 'best friend' when in reality it's nothing like that.

She has Instagram which she uses very regularly (daily posts). She always posts photos of her friends and all that but there's never been one of me (apparently a 'best friend'). The only thing with any connection to me that she puts up are gifts I've given her for her birthday and Christmas which she loved, however I've never received a gift from her, of any kind. For a girl who posts photos of her friends and boyfriend and even dog all the time, who I've asked and know has many photos of us together, who apparently considers me a best friend, I find it very unusual to not have a single photo of me/us ever.

I've also noticed we never talk unless I initiate conversation first. The only time she ever talks to me first and/or asks me to go for a walk with her is if she is having trouble with her boyfriend, who conveniently I have been best friends with since we were 5. In fact the times I have felt closest to her have been when she has been having a lot of trouble with her boyfriend or when her boyfriend has been away.

It's so difficult to try and move on from loving her because my best mate has been dating her for 3 years and seeing her at school everyday means I can't forget about her. I've been getting to know other girls and I'm even going to a formal with one this weekend but nothing compares to what I feel for this girl. She consumes my thoughts and I can't even consider other girls while she's there. I even get jealous when she talks or hangs out with other guys at school and it feels like a relief when she's not at school so I don't have to stress about her.

I can't move schools and when I stop making an effort and ignore her she gets upset and hassles me until I come back. I want to tell her how I feel and get over all this, but the friendship we have, as shaky and depressing as it is, is all I have of her and when we're together, walking with each other, I feel like the happiest person alive. It's all looking pretty helpless. I really appreciate any advice anyone has. Thanks!

[basilandthyme]

Mudman, you're right about her actions showing that you're not a best friend. And her lack of initiation of conversation speaks volumes. But interesting that she comes chasing if you distance yourself a bit. I'm thinking that you are feeding her need for attention.

You know and we know that this won't ever come to anything. Even if they broke up AND your mate was cool with the idea of you dating her, it doesn't seem like she's into you anyway. The only answer is to spend as little time as possible with her in order to get over her. And take a more cynical view of her behaviours - this will help too.

How many months till your HSC and you won't have to hang out with her all time? Oh God, will she be at Schoolies with you? I hope not - for your sake.

[Wakeup]

Muddy, my man... Google "Ladder Theory" and read about the Friends Ladder because thats where you've been placed by this girl who uses you because you fawn over her and she just takes what you give like the princess she is.

Stay away from her, don't return her calls or if you do (because she's your male friends gf and you want to be respectful) just be short and polite but don't hang out with her anymore. Don't let her vent to you about her troubles with your friend either. Your loyalty should be to your friend who you've known since you were 5 and you might want to tell her that outright when she starts ragging about him. The more she makes you feel like you're her hero, the more time its going to take you to get over her so stop being her "White Knight" (google that too). When you have lunch in the same small room, eat and then go do something with your male friends that will take your mind off her.

As long as you keep letting yourself become vulnerable to her by "saving" her from her problems, the longer it will take you to get over her and be able to have fun with other girls that could be your REAL girlfriend if you were open to it.

Right now you're you're just her male girlfriend. She's not posting photos with you because it's one thing to accept gifts and attention from another man but in her mind, it's disrespectful to her relationship if she reciprocates.. Right now you're the giver and she's the innocent taker. She's a user and you're her supplier. STOP IT and find a nice girl that you can reap all of your good intentions on who can show you back how much she appreciates you.

Don't you dare ruin a good date for yourself or for the girl you're going to that formal with. Some user chick who has a boyfriend is certainly not worth you screwing up what could be a very good beginning for you.

[michelle23]

oh for gawds sake-another one of these stories. Op read through the rest of them and youll find my advice which is to stay the **** away from her.

I dont no what is wrong with people. As far as im concerned there is only a few rules in love

1/. dont cheat
2/. dont help someone else to cheat
3/. dont try to persue someone who is in a relationship.

why does 50% of the population try to break these rules?