why does he do these things

[wistfool]

someone please help me to understand ex...i am at a point where I do not want him back even though i still love him. But he keeps doing confusing things, like texting me and saying he misses me heaps blabla... but last night when picking up the kids he tried to kiss me and then today keeps telling me things only a bf should say to a gf. I know he is just trying to get laid, im not niave but i have told him it aint going to happen anymore because it envolves emotions for me. Please help me understand why after cheating on me he feels the need to continue this games...

[Ann S]

I suspect he doesn't respect your, "no," and this is one of the most violating things men and women do to each other. However, you may have trained him by giving in when you say, "no," and then when you cave, you teach him that your, "no," really doesn't mean anything. This sounds like harassment to me, and I wonder if you would consider getting a restraining order - do you have those in your country? And why are you listening to his romantic overtures? Why aren't you just walking away? It seems that you engage him. I suggest you TELL him that you are going to limit your conversations to the needs of the children, and any other topic will be met by you hanging up the phone, or leaving the scene.......if you are too chicken to do this, then that says YOU are still playing the game. Ann

[wistfool]

He knows my NO means NO and does respect it but that does not stop him from trying. Trying being the operative word. I would prefer a good friendly relationship for my kids rather than an unnessecary ugly bitter one, which would be the case if I got a restraining order, he is very involved in their lives with sporting and school activities etc and as him being involved does make things a tad easier for me, Im not fully prepared to make things worse than they are for them.. I can handle his banter but what I was asking a male was why he still does this? Why cheat and break a family apart IF you gonna say u miss us etc...

[HeartIsAching]

I know he is just trying to get laid, im not niave

You answered your own question.

I'm sad to say that it appears the educational system in Australia is no better than it is here in the U.S.

[Ann S]

Then if it doesn't stop him from trying, I guess he DOESN'T respect it, does he. You two can have a parent relationship - limited to that....and YOU need to make that clear.
While I'm not a guy, I'd guess he does this because he wants to have his cake and eat it too......with no consequences. And why handle his banter? It sounds insulting and manipulative! Ann

[TablesandChairs]

Because he is selfish. It's simple. He doesn't care that his behavour is confusing and upsetting to you - like you say, he wants the best of both worlds, if not 3 worlds or 4, if he had the opportunity. People generally only have the spine to act that way with people they perceive to be weak; stand up for yourself, be firm and communicate that you will not tolerate him making any advances towards you that are not strictly platonic in nature (ie: all about the kids, nothing else). He'll get the message if you remain unwavering in your dedication to rid your life of him.

It will get better, by the way. In time you'll learn to stop loving him and you'll accept that he's no good.

[michelle23]

You need to put your foot down if he tries anything again. Tell him straight he is a lying cheating bastard who ****ed up and now he has to deal with the consequences. You are getting on with your life without him and you are happy and he needs to do the same. If he cannot respect your wishes-then you need to arrange access in a different way. Can you drop the kids to him and let them just get out of the car and drive off so you dont have to talk to him? or tell him hes not allowed in your house and youd prefer if he waits for the kids in the car? Or you could drop the children to a friend or relative and leave before he gets there to pick them up.

You should keep contact with him to a minimum so you can get over him and meet someone else. Maybe you should go on a date so he gets the hint that you are moving on. You dont owe him anything. Now you have to be selfish and look after you