Hi All,

I am not the type to go onto the internet and ask for advice; however, I am at a loss and feel as though some outside advice may give me greater insight. So here goes:
I have been with my partner for nearly three years. He proposed to me after we were together for a year and while this was a little bit of a shock, I knew I had never felt this way about anyone before and wanted to be with him for this rest of my life. Here comes the however.

Since we have been engaged, my partner has been going out more and more often. It began as a once in every three week kind of thing which was fine, however, being nearly two years since we have been engaged, this behaviour has increased. I am not a controlling person and do not mind him spending time out with his friends, however, this has turned into an every weekend event. He started coming home at 12pm, which then moved to 2am, and now I am lucky if he gets home by 5am. He is drinking copious amounts of alcohol and hung over all of Sunday. He has been taking drugs and in my eyes acting like a single man. FYI: he has never invited me to go out with him, and says he doesn't like going out with his partners because in the past it has always ended in conflict, however, out of the few times we have been out together that has never been the case and I feel like it is a cop out.

I feel that his behaviour is something acceptable from a 20 year old, however, he is 30. This has been an ongoing problem and I have had soooooooooooo many talks with him about how it makes me feel, and have indicated that I cannot be with a man who wants to go out clubbing every weekend with his single friends and coming home at 5am. Our last big talk was on Sunday last week when I was in tears and let him know how much he was hurting me, and that I loved him with every inch of my soul, however, I couldn't continue to be with a man whom didn't respect me and wanted to go out every weekend. I let him know that I felt like I was coming second to him and that he was behaving as if he was single. He said he was sorry and that he knows he has not been taking my feelings into consideration and he loves me and wants to be with me. I let him know that I couldn't marry him if he was going to continue to be like that, as I can only imagine my life as a lonely one, with me at home with the children while he is out taking drugs and partying. It is not the life I want, nor what I said yes too, when he proposed to me. He was remorseful, very affectionate and considerate to me during that week, however, he has had work off for the last 5 days because of public holidays and went out Wednesday, and Thursday night until 1.30am and is out again this evening.

I dont understand why he is doing it, and I do not know what to say or do any more. I love him with all my heart, but it feels as though I am the only one in the relationship, and I'm on reserve until he is ready to settle down. But that is all I've got. I have no idea why he is being the way he is, to me it feels like he wants to be single.

I don't want to walk away from this, but I feel like he is not leaving me many options. I don't know if he's pushing me away so I leave, or whether he is that self-absorbed he cannot see or care that I am in pain.
The positive side is he supports me financially fully as I am studying full time in a doctoral program. He is supportive of my goals and ambitions and during the week he is attentive to me, showing his love and affection. However, come the weekend, he is a different man.
I am at a loss. I know he wouldn't come to relationship counselling and I know telling him how I feel and trying to talk to him about things doesn't work. I've got no tricks left in the bag.

What are your thoughts?
Thank you and sorry for the essay.