Liar, liar.

[sofaraway]

TablesandChairs - to me the fact that your partner has spent 1.5 years with you 24/7 says to me that he wants to be with you but feels stuck. His ex wouldnt put up with that absence or think things are still on between them. I suspect she has motives here, maybe to not have to give him anything and shes thinking about her hip pocket. The one thing I can think of is that shes concerned what he will get out of her.

[bearz]

TablesandChairs - to me the fact that your partner has spent 1.5 years with you 24/7 says to me that he wants to be with you but feels stuck. His ex wouldnt put up with that absence or think things are still on between them. I suspect she has motives here, maybe to not have to give him anything and shes thinking about her hip pocket. The one thing I can think of is that shes concerned what he will get out of her.

I disagree. If he really loved her and wanted to be with her then he wouldn't be lying to her, especially in that situation.

[michelle23]

How can you make any assumptions about his partner that hes been with for 11years. Do you honestly think they would go on 3holidays together in the past 18months if the relationship was "dead". She is the victim in all this and shes the one thats gonna suffer the most!

You can never blame the victim of a cheat. Hes responsible for his own actions and his own behaviour. Your thinking patterns are frightening bcoz if someone cheated on you-you would prob blame yourself which is ridicoulous. I dont think your ready for any sort of relationship especially not a long diistance one until you change your mindset and conquer your co-dependency issues.

I mean that in the nicest way possibly. I dont no how you can make any excuses for him. Even the OP has opened her eyes and dumped him and your still sticking up for him?

All i can say to that is LOL!

[Wakeup]

Interesting that you apply todays standards to my parents relationship which occurred decades ago. Sorry but you made a wild assumption about my parents r'ship with no indication of any codependence. My mother wanted to leave but could not afford to, my father didnt want to financial cost of divorce. Thats just how it is and randomly claiming codependence with no indication of whether thats the case doesnt change it.

I didn't apply TODAY'S standards at all. Interesting that you thought I did when women have had equal work rights for several Decades ago? Please. No assumptions made. Are you currently a seniour citizen? If not, then you're still making excuses for codependence and fear of independence in order for it to appear to us, what you consider normal.

Anyway, enough about your parents. (sorry to derail your thread Op). This is about TableandChairs situation (which is nothing like your parents situ so I'm not sure why you bought them up?)and she's come to a very smart conclusion to her relationship.

[HeartIsAching]

TablesandChairs - to me the fact that your partner has spent 1.5 years with you 24/7 says to me that he wants to be with you but feels stuck. His ex wouldnt put up with that absence or think things are still on between them. I suspect she has motives here, maybe to not have to give him anything and shes thinking about her hip pocket. The one thing I can think of is that shes concerned what he will get out of her.

Right. That's why he went on vacation with her.

[michelle23]

Someetimes people are too trusting, too optimistic and see too much good in everyone. That makes you unrealistic.

Sometimes you have to open your eyes and recognize that some people are bad and if you make excuses for them-they will walk all over you

naivity makes you vulnerable to people who take advantage of that and the only men who will be attracted to you will be the bad ones.

However showing that your not naive or vulnerable and being able to see these people for what they are and not falling for the bullshit and there pack of lies makes you attract the right ones.

I always say to people dont stick your head in the clouds and wear your heart on your sleeve and overlook all their flaws in the beginning because if you dont learn to spot the warning signs and red flags early they will rip your heart out.

Ann has a very good saying too and that is when someone shows you what they are-you should BELIEVE them .

Dont make excuses for a persns bad behaviour-walk away

[TablesandChairs]

I don't think his partner is suffering as such - that's an assumption I make based on how things have been for the past 1.5 years. When she called, it wasn't 'where are you?', it was 'I need you to rock up to one of my work event, make sure you're there and wear a suit'. Whatever codependency/convenience thing they have going on is their business - the fact that she doesn't care or is too career-focused to really give a rats where he spends 99% of his time is their business, as it has been for the past 11 years. I realise now that getting me involved in something was selfishness on his behalf. I should mention that some weeks ago I gave him an option - lets take a break until you're 100% single. He refused. I just think that if there was an ounce of genuineness involved, he would have taken me up on that offer.

No relationship is simple, especially as you get older and peoples lives are often more complex. But like Michelle suggests, there's a difference between giving someone the benefit of the doubt and just ignoring the facts, which time and time suggested he was acting in his own best interests only.

[michelle23]

You are doing the right thing by forgetting about him. Its too messy and complicated and he comes with way too much baggage. I do understand that as you get older-new relationships do come with more baggage especially if they have kids from a previous relationship but for any new relationship to work-all contact needs to be over with the ex. And the only time a person should stay in touch with an ex is if they have children together and contact should be kept to a minimum and only to discuss childcare, school, activities etc.

You should move on and find a man who is more emotionally available and who does not lie to you.

[lostlub]

I think your ex seems a bit hideous. It doesn't make any sense that he repeatedly lies and lies. If u have decided to stay on with him. you probably find it really tough to gain trust about him.

If he is that serious about you, he would rounded up things earlier. 1.5 years is too long. I guess maybe he just ain't too serious about you. U deserve someone better!