is this normal, or am i the only one that goes through this??

[raven]

me and my boyfriend have been together for 11 years now. It has been a great relationship on the most part. He doesn't cheat, invites me to go everywhere with him. Always puts me first, before anyone else, BUT him. I have been struggling for equal power/rights, or for him to take me serious for years, but he says that I always get my own way anyhow. So why do I feel like this? I mean it is stupid stuff, like who gets the remote, or the computer.

Now over the years, I gained alot, I mean alot of weight. I was a big, fat, nasty. I didn't want him to even see me. Sex only at night, and only when he wanted it. I had no desire.

And all of a sudden this past 12 months, the pounds started fading away. Yes, I lost 70 lbs.!!!! I am 139 now, and I feel wonderful. He says that I look great, and I should be so proud of my accomplishments. That I am beautiful, BUT, its like I am not even here. I come second for sex, after his tv show is over, or when he is ready. Another thing is after I lost all of this weight, I am sooooo horny. All the time, all I have to do is get dressed and I am ready. I don't mind it, I have a lot of years to make up for. The only thing is, now he is like sex is blahhhh,.... he's not young anymore, he's out of his prime. I told him, okay, so whenever you are ready, just let me know, I am always ready to go.
And he don't. Then as soon as I leave, he runs to the computer for porn. I said " what the **** is wrong with me?" explained to him how i feel and he said he would never do it again. but i still don't understand why? i was going to be home in ten minutes from work, why couldn't he wait? and the thing that really pisses me off, is that when he does this, guess who looses out? Me, i am cut off for the rest of the day because now he's not horny anymore.

So anyhow, situation settled.
Last night, already feeling like crap, for the kissing situation going on in our life. (in my other post), got all dressed up, and sleezy too, told him I was going to be his ho for the night. Well, I guess I set myself up for this one. We must have gotten interrupted 4-5 times, and he ended up cumming, and I didn't. It was over. The next thing he does is puts his underwear back on and picks up the remote and says "do you mind?" I just said no, rolled over and went to bed. Feeling used and confused just like always. I woke up later, and he asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He says that this weight loss is making me more crazy than ever. And that it was early, if I wanted him to cuddle with me I should have waited till later when he would have been ready for bed. Or I should have told him that I did mind, and that we would have talked. I told him, if I would have said that he would have been put on the spot to talk, in a bad mood cuz he missed his show, and just would have made a mess.

Am I going overboard? Is this headed towards a disaster? Why am I soo depressed, and expecting him to show me affection, and not getting it. Only making myself even worse. Should I just loose all emotions? I am going nuts!!! Has it been this bad all along? And why did i think that when I lost this weight and look great did i expect him to drool over me? Please someone give me some real advise, and maybe you "onlyvirgins", should stay out of this one, if you can't say anything nice!!!!!!!!!

[Chlorine]

Raven----"He says that this weight loss is making me more crazy than ever."

Being overweight is unhealthy. So losing weight is better for your well-being. Maintain your current weight by eating right and exercising. Do it for yourself, not for your man.

Your man may have made the above statement, because he probably couldn't understand why you were fussing. You may be 4 sizes down but you are still the same person. Still his same girlfriend whom he has been with for the past 11 years. As far as he's concerned, "Should there be a change in routine?".

[raven]

okay, i get that, but then why do i feel so different? I mean, my routine, and attitude, and feelings all changed. And why did I feel like this was the answer to us? Obviously it wasn't. So what is? There has to be something going on right, in order for me to be looking for an answer. And what is so wrong about wanting affection? How many of you ladies out there have sex, thats it, just sex with your man, and then go back to what you were doing? And not just your average quicky, I mean on a daily basis.

I can't talk to him about it, he obviously isn't going to listen, so should I just shut up and roll over and pull them down, when he says so? I told him last night, next time why don't you schedual me an appointment, so I know when the time is right.

It just seems as though, we aren't showing affection to each other, we are just performing a task to release our own built up tension. And he is only worried about his own.

[Fawn]

My relationship went into that phase for two months. Then we broke it off, got back together and made some serious changes.

I think when you went through the "sex drive-less" phase it impacted him. He was used to the fact that he got when he wanted it. So, now that you've got this whole new mind set, he's thinking "What the hell? You've changed on me?" When in reality you actually became "more yourself" and he was the one thats changed in the relationship.

Never ever EVER just sit and wait around for whenever he wants it. Your not enjoying yourself and its obvious he's lost interest in keeping the relationship strong. He's even putting a TV PROGRAM ahead of your needs!!! That's an obvious sign there.

In my opinion I would rethink my priorities. Make him understand that you love him, but you need him to try harder. You've done a lot for him and now you want to feel just as loved and just as cared for. He's gotten into this rut of some sort. Something's got to break it. You may have been together a long time, but if you don't try to fix this now, there may not be any future for you two.

[raven]

yeah, i know, and last night i kinda proved it to us. Instead of me coming on to him, when I knew he wanted some, i just stayed there waiting. He was like come on, and i was like you want some, you make the move. He did, but you could tell he was not used to that. I think i might try this more often, Im tired of always having to be the one to make the first move. for once he can make me feel wanted.

[mhussain]

go raven.......best of luck..........make him come to

God i hate such men.

Hussain

[dangel]

What's been going on over the past 12 months that caused you to lose the weight?

[bluesummer]

Everyone in long term relationships go through sexual lulls. They can be overcome with conversation and some effort on both sides (and some fresh ideas), but if that fails you may have a problem. Losing weight is great, but sexual attraction isn't based solely on physical attraction, so don't focus on that at all.

If he is failing to meet your needs or failing to even try to do so, you have a very big relationship issue here. He has to realize that your happiness is important too. I don't think you are making a big deal about wanted to be satisfied or shown some affection. If these are the things you feel you are lacking in your relationship and he is not going to provide them, you seriously need to look at whether or not you can continue to be in a relationship like that......