Need help and advice please?

[Whucal]

I'll try and be brief as possible. I've been with my girlfriend 2 and a half years. Before I start my story, my girlfriend suffers from depression. So about a month ago, a week before we was due to go for a weekend away she began getting really short and snappy with me in our text messages when asked whats up she just told me I was just being paranoid and she was just tired, so I left it. On the day we was due to go away, everything seemed normal and she seemed excited, so I got ready and showered and stuff got a taxi to hers, and this is where all the trouble begins. Her Dad let me in the house and told me she didn't want to go for the weekend away and that she had locked herself in her bedroom crying and shaking uncontrollable and did not want to see me and that she would text me later and he dropped me home. So I decided to go out into town as I didn't want to waste my weekend off not doing anything. At about 8pm I get a text from her saying I clearly care more about getting drunk with my friends than her, I replied in a drunken anger, that she was the one who cancelled our weekend away and didn't want to see me so what was I supposed to? Instead of being supportive. We didn't speak till the Sunday then when she text me saying I think we should take a break, she is having lots of problems in her life and she needs time about to figure out what she wants from life and weather she wants me. I obviously tried texting her back saying I will give her the space she needs and I love her and will always be there for her should she need to talk. That was two weeks ago, I still haven't heard from since that day. It's crushing me inside because all I want is her and to help her, she has been my entire world for the last 2 and half years, and this is the longest we've not spoken for. I can't control my feelings, one minute I'm fine, the next I'm bursting into tears nearly being sick with fear of completely losing. Even though she has depression everything was fine up until this happened a month ago. I'm still sticking by her, giving her supportive messages every few days as she wanted space the not knowing is killing and want makes it worse is she keeps tweeting like I don't exist, and in as been going out a lot over the last two weeks,which IMO makes her situation worse but she won't speak to me. I just want to know if we still have a future and this is all to do with her depression and she is just kicking off at the world or if she has fallen out of love with me and isn't planning on talking to me again? I've said if I don't hear from her this weekend I was going to give her ultimatum but is 3 weeks to early, should I give it more time? What to you guys think? Advice would be most appreciated.

[FlaCooln]

3 weeks and no word from her....sounds like she has moved on. Honeslty, she has depression and avoidance issues. She probably avoids conflict and maybe she wanted to breakup, but just could not do it. Going MIA for 3 weeks is probably her way of telling you it is over. You could try one last ditch effort and go to her house to talk to her, but I doubt it will do much of anything.

The way I look at a realtionship is if the pain/saddess is to regular I get out. All couples fight, but healthy couples never fight for long and when they do fight it is productive by resolving issues. Your happiness matters and it seems like she not happy w/herself and her life, so she will never make you happy until she can fix her own issues.

[GreenMango21]

I think we are somewhat on the same boat Whucal. I haven't heard from my bf too, it's been 9 days. He also asked for space. I know the feeling of not knowing what's happening.. If you're still together or not or if it's over. The no closure part is hard. You said she's been your life for over 2 years. Maybe its would help if you find other things to get busy with like what I'm doing. You will eventually start recovering. Maybe she has indeed moved on. This is what I'm trying to tell myself too right now. If they really love us or need us, nothing will stop them from being with us. It hurts to think that they can let us go without a word or without an explanation, but things happen for a reason. You did your part.

[Whucal]

3 weeks and no word from her....sounds like she has moved on. Honeslty, she has depression and avoidance issues. She probably avoids conflict and maybe she wanted to breakup, but just could not do it. Going MIA for 3 weeks is probably her way of telling you it is over. You could try one last ditch effort and go to her house to talk to her, but I doubt it will do much of anything.

The way I look at a realtionship is if the pain/saddess is to regular I get out. All couples fight, but healthy couples never fight for long and when they do fight it is productive by resolving issues. Your happiness matters and it seems like she not happy w/herself and her life, so she will never make you happy until she can fix her own issues.

Yeah I know that hence why I gave her the space she wanted. We was going to move into our own place next, I think we would of been together for a very long time had her depression not got in the way. I don't really want to give up on that. Is it worth waiting for her to fix her own issues, then try again? Or is it too late to salvage anything from what was a happy relationship before this started?

[FlaCooln]

That's for you to decide man. I don't know your history or the dynamics of your relationship. What I do know is that weak people tend to latch onto strong people. She may be manic depressive and even bipolar and that's something she will deal w/all her life.

You sound like a normal guy, do u want to deal with this emotional roller coaster of a woman for the rest of your life? If the answer is no move on. IMHO take this as a blessing and find a normal woman.

[michelle23]

How long has she had depression? What was the cause of it? How severe is it? And how often has it affected your relationship?

If this is a severe mental disorder as FlaCooln said such as bipolar than you will have a long dark road ahead if you choose to stay with her. My grandmother has bipolar and will be on meds for the rest of her life and has never been able to maintain a normal relationship. However some people do but its not easy.

If its a recent thing due to the death of a loved one or something similar-then you may just need to give her some time.

A friend of mine suffers from seasonal depression. It comes and goes but when its bad-its really bad and sometimes she wont even get out of bed. The only time she is okay is if she keeps herself really busy. She was sexually abused as a child and is in a normal healthy relationship now but it still hits her like a ton of bricks occasionally.

It really does depend on the cause and how long she has had it and the chances of it being for life or not?

I dont think you should completely give up on her if this is just a bad phase in her life but you need to also decide what is best for you

[TablesandChairs]

My ex had bi-polar. I will say that 95% of the time, he was the most decent guy I've ever met. But that 5% really shook me up...he would disappear without any word of where he was, he would just act very out of character...eventually I began to 'sense' when he was close to having an 'episode' and it would just make me retreat into my shell, knowing very well what would happen in the following days.

It's a hard road. But depression isn't always a life-long illness so it's up to her to get the help she needs. You can support her but you can't cure her. Sometimes, people with depression don't know what they want; they want you there, then they don't. They don't want to do anything with you, then they get upset if you're out enjoying life. It's a very frustrating illness that robs people of their joy in life.

Two weeks isn't a long time but it's a very long time when you're just waiting in limbo...it's up to you. Perhaps text her asking for some clarity - ie: 'it's been two weeks, can you please know how you're going to proceed with 'us' as this isn't fair on me'.

[basilandthyme]

Whucal, you're being a doormat. You're worried about not having been supportive....but in reality, you did the right thing. Depressed or not, her behaviour was appalling and she absolutely deserved to be put in her place.