Parents' Approval

[jennat]

Hey I'm a teenage Indian girl in high school and I have strict parents. Recently, I have been getting really close to one of my best guy friends and I know that he likes me and will ask me out soon. He would be my first boyfriend, and my parents and I have never really talked about boys or dating, but I really like him too and I don't want to ruin what we have. I've been thinking of ways to talk to my parents about this situation if/when he asks me out.
1. I'm going to tell them that he asked me out and that I really like him, and I greatly value their opinion which is why I don't want to reply without getting their approval.
2. I'll tell them that I understand that I'm not a normal American girl and that my Indian culture is very different, but my life has always been a mixture of both. I can also say that dating as become much more common among teenagers and those in young 20s in India as well. It shows that both cultures are blending. I can also explain that those dating in India are even more serious than we are which leads me to
3. the fact that to our group of people in relationships, dating is more about hanging out and spending time with a person you really like and enjoy being with. Both me and the guy I like understand that we aren't probably going to get married or anything. We really just like being with each other. Also we wont really be completely alone; just in groups of couples.
4. That also ties in with the fact that my parents are worried about me being alone with a boy. I can use the group thing plus the fact that I know and deeply value the trust my parents have in me to prove that I'll be on my best behavior. I'll explain this boy's qualities and ask them to meet him and get to know him before they let us date each other. He is always polite and is from a military family, so even when he does try to be funny or "normal' he always shows discipline and a sense of respect. I think he's the type of person my parents would like.
5. My biggest point will be that I know that my priorites are good grades, good SATs, good college , and eventually a good and stable future. I'll emphasize that no matter what, these priorities will be first and that I understand it and will put that above going to games or hanging out with this guy. I'll also explain that he is almost as dedicated as me about doing good in school and in life and in addition to that being good at soccer. WE understand each other well and so he'll understand if I cant spend time with him or hang out because of my school priorities and vice versa.
6. I'll wrap it up by saying how I really do want to have a chance to make this all work and that I really want my parents to meet him before we do anything.
Its long-winded I know, but is there anything else I should or shouldn't say to help me persuade my parents into letting me date this guy? They are rather strict Indian people, but they have always been cool with me going to late parties and such. IS there anything else they could argue with? Please help me think.

[HeheMan]

You live in America, they have to suck it up.

[TablesandChairs]

Okay, what you have so far is good; you're explaining that having a boyfriend is not going to affect your academic pursuits and that you are sensible enough to know what your priorities are.

Secondly, you may want to emphasize that they chose to immigrate to America, leading to you (their child) being born and raised in a country with a different culture and way of life. You cannot be reasonably expected to act like you're 100% Indian because you're not. You need a balanced life; one where you respect your heritage but are also allowed the freedom to develop your own identify, which will be different to that of your parents.

[jennat]

Thank you for that. Do you think there is anything else I can use to win them over? I've been thinking of all the reasons they might say no, but I'm not sure if there is anything else they might be thinking of.

[michelle23]

You are an individual with your own opinions on things and there is nothing wrong with that so do not allow them to force you to always do things their way. Your not five years old and it really is none of your parents business what you do alone with your boyfriend as long as your doing it because you want to and because you care for each other.

Dont be afraid to just be yourself-there is nothing wrong with that and you sound like a good kid so dont feel guilty for not always following their rules. When parents are so rigid and make these impossible rules-of course the kids are going to break them. I bet kids in India break these ridiculous rules all the time too.

I do think you should have this talk with your parents and hope that they will compromise a little but if they don't-you should go for it anyway. Your not doing anything wrong and it is important to you and as long as it doesn't interfere in your school work-it should not be an issue.

I presume your parents have not talked to you about being safe since they have probably shoved abstinence down your throat so be extra careful if you do decide to do anything sexual with your boyfriend in the future.

I hope your parents can be more reasonable and let you be a normal teen. Good luck

[stev123]

It's your own life and make your own decisions. If your parents arent open with you having relationships then they are very backward (no offense). If they hold something against you, when you do become older there is a higher chance it could become a bad thing as opposed to a good thing. I don't know your age, but I wouldn't really bother dating till you're 16+. Good luck though, and take a firm stance, if your parents disagree tell them to **** off, but you have to understand they just wish the best for you (they dont want you to become a slut basically).

[jennat]

I'm almost 16 and I'm okay with waiting till then anyway. Maybe its the good girl in me that wont go away. I just cant go against what they say. I mean they do so much for me from taking me places to paying for tuition so I don't want to mess it up with them either. Oh well just hoping for the best

[Starnique]

I'm almost 16 and I'm okay with waiting till then anyway. Maybe its the good girl in me that wont go away. I just cant go against what they say. I mean they do so much for me from taking me places to paying for tuition so I don't want to mess it up with them either. Oh well just hoping for the best

And you dont need to go against what their saying. Thats not the way to go about getting what you want. So dont let other people influence you going against them because YOU not them have to live there. If you do, that will just cause problems between you and them. I'm glad you recognize that so that shows your level of respect. Which is good. While you're in their house you have to go by their rules. However, you will be in college soon and at that point you can do as you please when you're grown and on your own.

[Rowen]

Okay, what you have so far is good; you're explaining that having a boyfriend is not going to affect your academic pursuits and that you are sensible enough to know what your priorities are.

Secondly, you may want to emphasize that they chose to immigrate to America, leading to you (their child) being born and raised in a country with a different culture and way of life. You cannot be reasonably expected to act like you're 100% Indian because you're not. You need a balanced life; one where you respect your heritage but are also allowed the freedom to develop your own identify, which will be different to that of your parents.

TablesandChairs really wrote the words I would have written for you. So, I agree with her.

Honestly, OP, don't push it to the extremes (like having giant arguments). Defeat them with logic instead of a volume, and I really think that finding a common ground for the both of you could make this work out. Reassure them that you still hold respect for your culture but that this is what truly makes you happy- assimilating with the United States just to the point that you're able to create your own identity. Tell them that you'll always be their child and that you'll always love your heritage, your family, and everything that's a part of your life- just that you want to live your life by experiencing different things and being able to show your unique personality. Make sure to emphasize that you understand how they feel, as well, so you then can hopefully live in a balance.

I hope that helps. Good luck!