How do I get over this? Please help!

[kelbelle]

About two months ago my "perfect" boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere. From the very first day that we met we were inseperable. We connected on every level and were "that" couple. Our friends loved us together, our families did too. Strangers would even come up and tell us how amazing we seemed together. During the week we would cook dinner and watch movies, just relax together, and then on the weekends we would always be out and about, doing different activities. He treated me so well and was so attentive and sweet. I did talk to him about his past and the fact that he had never really had any serious, long term, healthy relationships. He has had so many flings that it got to the point that almost every time we were out, we would run into someone he had either dated or slept with. The only other woman he had anything significant with lasted just over a year, and he knew that she was cheating on him the entire time.

Everything just seemed to fall into place with us, we both said we were looking to start settling down, got along, could do any and everything together. In January we started having problems because every weekend we would go out and he would get trashed. The first couple times it was funny because he has a very outgoing personality and loves to be the center of attention. But then as it continued, I felt like I was babysitting. I'm 26, and he was 29 at the time. So of course I still love to go out and have a great time! He takes it to another level of actually leaving me at the bar because he doesn't even know I'm not with him, nor checking to make sure that I'm ok after the fact. Another time he was so drunk my friends and I tried finding him, looking all over the bar for him. Then he stopped answering his phone and I didn't hear from him until the next morning, when he knew I was supposed to stay at his house that night. He was so wasted that he told us the wrong bar, didn't even know where he was, and then his phone died and he went home. Couldn't he at least let me know he made it home ok? Or made sure I did??

The last straw came the very next weekend when we went out for my friends 30th birthday. He drank so much that he walked away from me and I ended up taking a cab home by myself. My friends found him and he said he had been trying to reach me, but he didn't. They finally took his phone and saw all the calls and messages from me, but none from him. We had a long talk the next day and I told him I couldn't live like that. I'm at a stage in my life where I will party once in awhile, but not to that extent every weekend. My birthday was the next weekend so he decided not to drink at all. I told him I was very proud of him, because he did follow through with it. But he was distant from me the entire week. He said that we were spending too much time together and wanted a couple nights apart a week now. And at my birthday party he didn't even buy me a drink or my dinner, or really spend alot of time with me. That night I found out he had sent a text to one of his guy friends saying that we were on the rocks and he was going to get his single body ready. Obviously I got really upset. The next morning I woke up and he cried and said how sorry he was and that he really wanted to make it work. I loved him so much that I forgave him and we continued. The very next night while making dinner he told me again how he wanted more space. I got quiet because I wasn't sure how to react. So the next day we fought about it. And he came over and told me he wasn't sure if this was what he wanted, but we could try. He has been known to just walk away from relationships, and when I found out I asked him to promise me that if he ever had a doubt he would talk to me and put in the effort to make it work.

So the very next night I made plans with my girlfriends so he could have his "space", but then he asked me to come over. Of course I wanted to fix things, so I went. The whole night he was so cold towards me, made salmon (which he knows I don't eat), wouldn't cuddle with me, but did have sex, and just talked about how he had so much going on in his head and wasn't happy. The next morning he woke up, kissed me and said he loved me, then went to work. That afternoon he broke up with me over facebook. Since then he's told me it was me, that he's looking for the one and it's just not me, that he's just not there with me, so many different things.

Every time I try to just walk away and end contact, he says just enough to make me feel for him. I've heard and/or seen him out drunk every weekend since. A couple weeks after our breakup he was already dating someone else. His 30th birthday was a month ago and he knew that I had a huge party planned for him. And then he had this girl by his side instead. He wrote me the next week and I didn't respond. After he asked why, I told him it was because of the new girl. He proceeded to tell me that he just see's her as a friend, but she wants more. In fact, he made out with another girl in front of her on his birthday! Then he told me how much he loves life right now and being single and able to explore.

At that point I had enough. I've seen him out twice since then and both times he's come up to me and I've ignored him. I got messages about how amazing our weekends were together, and then asked why I was ignoring him. Was I upset or something? We can't be friends like that. I finally responded with a message saying that I've broken up with men in the past but I've never told them about my new relationships or how happy I was without them in my life. I told him no relationship is perfect but you work together and don't just walk away, and that I saw those warning signs in the beginning, and was upset that he did the same thing to me that he has done to every other woman. That it was inconsiderate and mean to say those things to someone that at one point gave him their heart. He has not responded. He's just moved on with his life and seems to be having a blast. I know that I'm doing all the right things by hanging out with friends and focusing on me, but I miss what we had. He was my best friend, my lover, my confidant, the person I went out with all the time, called every night. Did I overreact? Was I too harsh? I was proud of myself for not responding, but I couldn't take it anymore! I don't know if I can be friends with him, but I think that was wrong to tell me those things. How can I stop missing the most amazing relationship of my life? And being jealous of him being so happy?

[basilandthyme]

Hon, this relationship may have started out amazing, but it certainly wasn't amazing by the time it ended. You weren't happy with his behaviour and he wasn't happy with your disapproval. Truth be told, ending it was probably the only option left for the two of you. The two of you had moved so far apart as to be incompatible.

You say that you miss what the two of you had. Do you seriously miss his drunken behaviour? Do you really miss him disappearing and not contacting you? I reckon you miss 'what it used to be' ...not what actually was.

It's time to move on. When it gets tough, remind yourself how miserable you were with him at the end.

[smackie9]

Oh look you were dating an ALCOHOLIC. Hun this is what it's like to date one. Next time say something about getting help or get out. Your best bet is to avoid them all together.

[kelbelle]

The thing that's getting me the most is when I didn't respond, I heard from him even more than usual. But after I sent him that message explaining that those are things that you just don't tell your ex, and that it was inconsiderate, not the man I thought he was, I've gotten no response. I want to ask him why but won't that just make me feel weak? Why at least not a response?

[kelbelle]

I do miss the fun that we used to have together. I still enjoy going out and having fun. It's hard that he hasn't responded. When I ignored him, he kept trying to get in touch. But when I finally responded and told him that it was wrong to tell his ex all that, and how happy he is, that it's inconsiderate and not the man I thought he was, I get nothing. I want to ask him why. Why just ignore me? Does he not think that's wrong? Or am I just being too sensitive?

[smackie9]

Because he doesn't care to hear it. It's falling on deaf ears my dear. You can poke a stick at this till the cows come home.....it's time to let go and move on.