okay so this morning i woke up and my partner asked me what the plan for the day was i told him that we should probably see my mother as it is mothers day. he then went on the defensive and said that he did not want to go , that we see my family too often and that he wants to do his own thing today ( his mother has passed so i thought that he wouldnt mind coming to a barbeque with my family).
what followed was so unexpected , it has left me so shocked and hurt..
he said that he wants to start doing family things seperately. he said that he does not enjoy spending time with my family ( my family drinks a fair bit and my partner does not enjoy the atmosphere of that sort of environment , i completely understand that but now i feel like second class and not good enough for him anymore). he was like i do not enjoy drinking with your family, i do not enjoy it at all , its not fun for me and i do not want to go. ( its not like my family are full blown alcoholics, they are just social drinkers..they have bbq's , go out on the boat and go fishing but they like to drink while they do it.
i know its wrong that my family drinks when they do social things, but i cant stop seeing them because of it.
my partner always seemed like he was having a good time when we were with my famlily , thats why i didnt think he would mind going as often as we do. when i said this to him he said that he was just putting on an act and that he has always hated going there and that he just did it to make me happy. i am shocked, i love him so much but now there is a wedge between us and its my family.
he said that he feels like he does so much for me and that i dont do enough for him in return. he works 5 days a week so we survive on his income , i am studying at university so i am some dependent on him as my income only just covers the rent each week. he also said that he makes money for us , spends time with my family more then what i spend time with his and i dont see his friends as much as he wants me to.
i apprecitate how hard he works , thats why i dont mind him having boys night 2 days a week in which sometimes he does not come home until 4 in the morning. ( his boys night is going rock climbing and then going back to his mates place for drinks and to play games). i thought he would enjoy the time to just be with the boys but he said he wants me to go. its boys night , i thought him and his friends would rather it if i wasnt there.
he said he wants me to spend time with his family more. however his family never invites us over ( we only live in a one bedroom apartment , its squishy just for us and we never have people over). so of course we see my family more as they invite us over weekly. if his family invited us over i would go.
my friends are social. they invited my partner and i camping so we went , they invite us out to dinner , to shows and to go out clubbing. his friends are more anti social and like to stay indoors and watch movies or have some drinks.
he left and went to his dads to play games (thats what they like to do, play video games ) what is the point of me being there when they are glued to a screen? and now i am going to family's barbeque on my own. i know i wont enjoy this family day without him there. he is my family , he should be with me. my heart is broken and i cant believe we have fought over this. we want to have our own family some day , how can we do that when he wants to now seperate family functions ?
i am hurt, confused and i just dont know what to do. how can i fix this ?
PLEASE HELP ME!!