pathetic

[Tug]

The last time I came to this forum I was pretty much slammed so please be kind I realize Im pathetic and am in a world of hurt.

I live with my g/f and over the course of 2 years I found out she was omitting the truth ALOT. She has led me to believe that she wasnt spending as much time on facebook as I thought but when I finally broke down and checked on what she was doing I was devastated. I told her it was me or FB and she chose me and swore to me that she would never get on FB again. During that time she has done things like staying in contact with her ex for no apparent reason other than to talk to him and lied to me about it, was way to friendly with guys at the gym so much so one guy came up to me and starting complaining to me about how she picked me over him. I had no idea what he was talking about and almost got in a fight with him. About a month ago I found out she was back on FB using an account her daughter created for her. When I confronted her about it she screamed "Im back on FB and I was never going to tell you about it!!" She claims that she was back on but was only going to use it to post on closed group her daughter created to help her lose weight and had no intention of looking up old co-workers (men) and becoming their friends which is what caused our problems in the first place (its complicated). She justified her actions by saying technically she wasnt back on FB because she wasnt using her real name and no one other than a the other members of her group knew she was using FB. My reply, either your on it or not, there is no grey area.

I have overlooked so many of her indiscretions its not funny and even though all I asked her to do is be upfront and honest with me she has done the exact opposite and gone behind my back and lied to me. Whats confusing is I have health issues and she has done more for me than anyone else spending literally thousands of dollars to help me regain my health.

I cant stay with her because she has done so much to show me doesnt care and she's tired of me "bashing" her for her actions. All I ever wanted is for her to upfront and honest with me ands treat me the way she wanted to be treated. I've been up since 2 am trying to figure out how Im going to get the strength to let go and move on with my life. As much as she's done to me its hard to believe I still want to work this out.... I know Im pathetic

[michelle23]

Your not pathetic. You gave it your all and you know this situation is unhealthy. You do not trust her and without trust-love is worth nothing so you are doing the right thing by ending it. When one door closes, another opens and I bet theres loads of great things waiting around the corner. Just look after yourself. Time is a great healer and you will be fine.

[Tug]

Michelle, thank you so much. I have never tried so hard to make a relationship work and just when I think things are going smooth I get blind sided and catch my g/f in another lie. For the past two weeks she has done everything possible to show me that she loves me but when she told me she was back on FB and would have never told me about it it felt like she was telling me she was having an affair. I was so devastated by her words and the her anger when she told me I thought I was going to pass out. She doesnt realize the pain she's brought into my life or doesnt care, she believes that I have no right to say anything to her about her indiscretions regardless of how they effect me. She lied to me I trusted her, she lied to me again, I trusted than she lied to me AGAIN and I cant give her my trust after a measly two weeks of her showing how sincere she is.

[michelle23]

Dont bother trying. You gave her enough chances. If I were you she wouldn't have even gotten one so she should be grateful that you even considered forgiving her coz a lot of people wouldn't even try. All this is probably having an impact on your health so you need to get out of this destructive situation. Seriously you will be happier on your own than with someone who causes this much pain and stress and in time you will meet someone else-someone more worthy.

Look up the five stages of grief. It will be hard at first but it just takes time.

[basilandthyme]

You say that you wanted her honesty. But if she'd been honest about going back on FB, would you have been OK with it? If not, that's why she lied. Trying to control other people's behaviour never ends well.

[Tug]

My g/f and I have been talking all morning long and she feels were just not right for each other. Before she left for work she said that she'd be willing to try but it felt like it didnt come from the heart and only said what she did out of frustration. Im on her verizon account and have invested some money into her house, Im worried that if I ask for the money back and get off her account she'll think Im flip flopping. She also told me that yesterday while she was at her grandchild's soccer game she almost started crying but talked herself out of it. She honestly believes that there was nothing wrong with her getting back on FB. How can you convince someone going back on their word is wrong if they honestly believe that ts not what she's done is wrong but her intentions after she went back on their word.

[Tug]

Basil all I wanted was for her to be upfront and honest with me. Had she approached me about getting back on FB of course I would have been upset but it wouldnt be a deal breaker. If anything it would have built up the trust she's betrayed so many times in the past. Im not controlling or manipulative all she had to do is talk to me about it and express how important it was to her. I would have been more understand and supportive of her wanting to shed a few pounds had she did what I was asking her to do. Keeping secrets or going behind your s/o's back to do something you know is wrong is unacceptable. We all want to be treated a certain way when were in a relationship, she wants me to respect her 24/7 but she feels that her needs supersede the commitment she's made to me and cant return the favor

I dont know why but genetically I've been gifted, I can eat what I want when I want and still have a six pack and the rest of my body is extremely lean. She gets frustrated when she sees other girls looking at me at the gym or when some stranger comes up and tells me how good I look. Theres only person that I ever wanted to impress and thats my g/f, whether someone else checks me out or tells me how good I look has no importance to me whatsoever.