Is "what do you consider to be cheating" something you should be clear on?

[lalalita]

Before getting into a serious relationship?

How to breech the subject? We don't just sit around constantly discussing terms of a relationship and I don't want to come out of left field, but I'd like to see if we have the same views on faithfulness.

[michelle23]

yes before you get serious, you should be sure you have the same standards and expectations, boundaries and morals.

you should just tell him straight that trust is v important to you and the one thing you never want to happen is be cheated on and before you get serious you would like to discuss boundaries and find out his view on it, whats acceptable, whats not.

some men have such double standards-there was a guy on here before ranting and raving that his gf kissed someone. he said they discussed faithfulness and made promises etc etc only to reveal that hed spent plenty of nights in a strip club in the VIP room doing more than just looking.

prick! anyway its important that you are on the same page so just come straight out and say it and talk through it propery.

[VerticalMoon]

It's a good idea to talk about it. That way you don't run into the grey area where one person thinks the other was cheating, but the other argues that it was innocent. You'll already have established the rules. You just have to try to work it naturally into the conversation. If you've ever been cheated on, you could start by sharing that story with him. Otherwise, you could talk about people you know or even a celebrity couple that's been in the news. From there, you should be able to segway into a conversation about his and your views on infidelity and boundaries.

[basilandthyme]

For most normal people (abnormal being the guy Michelle mentioned above), I think the definition of cheating is much the same. It probably includes kissing, sexting, oral sex, intercourse, cyber and phone sex. Emotional affairs are a little more grey though...

Yes, it can be discussed - but with creeps like the above guy - I doubt they'd be honest in discussions about the topic. So, discussing it wouldn't achieve much.

[Boisdevie]

Me and my GF have never had this conversation because we assume the other is trustworthy and that trying to f.uck other people does not form a part of our relationshipl. And to be honest if my GF thought it was necessary to have this kind of conversation with me I'd feel pretty insulted. I know what exclusivity and faithfulness are all about and don't need anyone to explain it to me.

[michelle23]

I agree with boisdevie. Me and my bf never had that conversation either. It came up a few times when we are discussing something on the tv, problem pages in the paper or someone we know etc etc and its pretty clear that we both have the same view on it.

However I did discuss emotional affairs with him coz a lot of people dont even know they exist and I think its important that you both know how to avoid something like that happening especially in the long term. Emotional cheating normally happens after 5, 10, 15 years and most people dont even realize they are having an affair until it is too late and they go into denial etc.

Its very messy and complicated and as b&t said-it is a huge grey area.

Most people know what cheating is and know it is wrong and it normally isnt necessary to discuss the obvious in detail but definitely discuss the grey areas.